[sinking]

im 37. i've always felt a failure because i was still living with my parents. there were a lot of reasons for it but i still felt a huge failure.

this year conditions changed and i was able to buy a flat for myself. i always thought i would feel better having my own home. i've always felt i'd feel a grown up finally and that it would had improved my relationship with my parents and that it would have helped me finding a social life. Nothing more wrong than that.

i still feel a failure, it has improved the relationship with my parents but because im more alone and lonely than before and i feel i need them more than before. i gained in what is seen from the outside but i've lost in what i think of myself.

last week i was sick and spent the week at my parents. i felt GOOD and HAPPY. tonight is the first night at my home alone again and i cried and i called mommy like a baby. im still a huge failure, more than before.

what have i gained with a home of my own? it feels like everything is wrong. Always wrong. wrong wrong wrong. failure failure failure. die die die. and free yourself from this huge *****. i want my mom, i want to cry, i want to die.

I hear you. Living independently isn't all it's made out to be. How about a place where you can live your life but near them? Like an extension, a garage apartment, a little place for you which is part of their property but so you can be near them if you need to be. Don't hate yourself for this. You just love them. Love yourself and be near them too.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, sinking Please don't be so hard on yourself. You're NOT a failure, please remember that. I completely agree with what Little Cat has already wisely said better than I ever could. It seems like you really love your parents. Even though you don't live with them, can you still visit them as often as you want? How far away from you are they? If you're feeling so lonely, perhaps you could try to arrange some visits with them. Maybe two or three times a week. I'm sure they'll be happy to have you home! Do you feel like making some friend? I know it must be very hard for you, but perhaps you could give it a try. Perhaps you could try some websites that allow you to meet some people near you? I'm so sorry. It must be very hard for you. Please don't give up. Remember that you're not a failure. You're a wonderful person, sinking. You're just struggling, that's all. I hope things are going ok with your therapist. I hope he/she will be able to help you. I'm here for you if you need to talk about it. We all care about you here. We all love you here. Please don't give up. Remember that you're stronger than you think. You've got this. Try to hang on. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. Stay strong, sinking. Stay safe and take care of yourself. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this

[sinking]

What was i thinking when i got it? i just wanted to seem an adult, an independent one. no friends, no love, a job, a family. i wanted to feel good about myself, but i didnt think enough about what a flat would give me for good. what am i doing with it? the neighbors are loud, they wake me up. i hate them. and i bought this flat! i made it to be like a small expression of myself. i furnished it with love. what was i thinking? for how long did i think it would be my home? it feels like a prison, not my little nest where i was free to be myself. it only accents my failure and my inferiority and stupidity. what the hell was i thinking. how can i go on living? I CANT. simple as this. i cant.
I CANT.

[sinking]

I live close to my parents home and i stay with them on weekends. so thats not really a problem, plus i call my mom every night. they still ARE close. i just feel alone, abandoned, lost, lonely...

i wonder why did i get this flat. it changed nothing about what i think about myself, and i feel so lonely in it….

i feel it has lost its meaning. its value has gone. and my worth is gone with it too.

[mote.of.soul]

Hi sinking,

Maybe a nice place in a quiet spot, nature, no neighbours, near your parents, could be what you'd like more?

Yes, I believe it could be.