[stefano]

It is known that mood disorders always increase during end of the year celebrations. It is said that it is becasue we have to perform in front of the relatives and neighbours, because anotehr year is gone, because a new year is coming.

I thinks there is another important cause. Xmas is the most magic moment for children. The bets moment in our life is likely to have occurred on some Xmas when we were kids. We were able to dream, to expect a vivid future, to spend days with light heart.

Now we compare that memory to what we have become: dreaming includes only nightmares, the future is bleak, and our hearts are always burdened by anguish, fear and sadness. Most of all we feel hopeless and desperate. Even in the worst situations, a child is rarely desperate. Sad of course, but not desperate.

I think the clashing contrast is particularly shocking. For me this is the big issue about Xmas and the end of the year.

This day is holyday in Italy (Mary's Immacolata Concezione). I stay home and let the time pass. The demons of depression are NOT going away, regardless the peak of desperation last wednesday, which normally preludes the end of the crisis. This episode is atypical, I'm worried annad scared.

Thank you alla for the kind words

((((((((((((((((((((((stefano))))))))))))))))))))))))

all I can offer are plenty of hugs to you..........I hear you and will be thinking of you...........holding your hand dear friend

Jin xx

[kebsfroggy]

Yes you could be right. My Christmases as a child were definitely steeped in religious and family traditions. A very magical time of year. We were not a large family awaiting the arrival of family for the holidays. However, there were certain tasks and rituals (for lack of better word) performed only at that time of year.

I'm also aware the memory (what little is left) has embellished upon the actual events. Life was not the celebration I remember. So year after year I experience these feelings of tremendous loss. The reality of adulthood comes even more into focus.

I'm sorry your current episode is so much more severe and longer in duration than in the past. If a frog of little brain can help ease the pain please let me know.

Hold on. Search deep within yourself and take some comfort in knowing this episode will eventually subside.

[Cyran0]

Stefano, if this atypical period really has you worried, you may want to go to more extreme measures in dealing with it. Have you considered checking yourself in to a hospital? I know that's a huge step to take but I myself have had to resort to the emergency room for my more exaggerated moments.

Cyran0

[stefano]

Yes, a huge step, but I don't think I qualify.
Let me tell you something (that may result humorous). Getting good psych hospitalization is just for the rich, in luxurious clinics. Public hospitals will provide cures for free to anybody, but they will hardly accept you unless you are suicidal, homicidal, or acting out as a madman. As for the quality of cures... I have STRONG doubts about their efficacy. What is offered fro free to anyone, could not help being CHEAP.
But nothing bad is going to happen here. Just me being deadly sad from morning til night.
And of course I expect to ask the pdoc on monday.

[Cyran0]

Well, you've got me there, my friend. I know nothing about the details of nationalized health care as, in the U.S., we only have high priced health care that nobody can afford. So they'll take you here, you just wont be able to pay the bill (even with insurance).

I'm thinking of you and good luck with your doctor.

Cyran0

[(JD)]

(((Hugs))) Yes, so many expectations for the holidays. But even for those who have negative memories of the holidays, they, too wish for the "what if" type...

Why not try and make a new tradition for yourself for the holiday? It doesn't have to be much, but often replacing something WITH something doubles the benefit.

Take care.

[stefano]

I was planning to make gifts on november, indeed, but it came earlier. Anyway you are right about establishing new traditions. But this is the world we live in... Can't risk to be even more "out".

[turquoisesea]

to try not to be "out" is to deny yourself... we are each different people with different ways of thinking and looking at situations.
I would say not to worry to much of being "out"... everyone is "out" to some extent, and as long as we don't harm others, our differences can foster growth

at least that's how I like to think about it... just a thought.

And sorry you're feeing down. I really like how you came up with that.... makes a lot of sense to me. Facing reality is hard.

[wickedwings]

((((stefano)))) i know what you mean about the holidays. i love the holidays. but, how in the heck did all that magic disappear? not being able to feel the magic is depressing.

[ChipsAhoy]

I tend to get more depressed around Thanksgiving and Christmas. Family members come over to my house and we are supposed to celebrate. We are supposed to be having a good time because it is Christmas. I try to act like I am having a good time, but inside I am thinking "I wish Christmas was over. I wish all of these relatives would go home". This is the pattern that repeats itself year after year.

[stefano]

That sounds familiar to me

[MyBestKids2]

Right there with ya . I have an uncoming family affair Christmas Eve that I just can't get out of attending. Tried every excuse in the book, but all have failed.

I will keep you close in my thoughts Stefano during this very difficult time!

Hugs,
Dee