[Fuzzybear]

If there is one thing I really struggle with in others..
It’s inauthenticity
In particular
“Never feign affection” - from the Desiderata

Thanks to @little turtle, @Rohag, @Thirty shades, Mickey Cheeky, Sò leigheas, Crypts and others here who are “leaders” in showing empathy and genuine kindness. And in not judging or shaming anyone .......

I realise I’ve left many out... that isn’t intentional . I don’t want to make too long a list

my parental units were pathological liars

When I give a hug to someone, online or in real life, it’s to show genuine support

I’m also capable of sometimes giving support... a clicked hug or even a posted hug to someone in need isn’t too hard to do... to someone I may not “like” - but maybe I need to rethink this?? I don’t know why though.. I have enough empathy to spare for almost everyone.

A therapist who said he had no “empathy” for me... well.. I didn’t pay to hear that
sort of crap. If he was feeling frustrated there are kinder and less shaming ways of saying that I do not appreciate being shamed for not being perfect ....

(Not suggesting anyone here does otherwise. .. as in who am I to judge whether Hugs are “sincere” or not.. I just know that mine are ..)

My PUS parental units didn’t hug me.. that wouldn’t have cost them anything.. to give a bear cub a hug

[Fuzzybear]

I was wondering where @mote.of.soul is.. maybe I haven’t been in the same part of the forums. You’re missed

I want to thank everyone (far too many for me to list) who has been so kind and respectful to me, despite my “imperfections” .. don’t we all have those.. of course

Frankly, it would be so boring if everyone was the same... and if everyone always agreed

I’ve never fitted “the” mould whatever that is.. and I never will..

[bunnyhabit]

l hate liars and backstabbers more than any other human trait

[Fuzzybear]

I very much dislike those traits too...

[bunnyhabit]

I have learned some secrets should not be shared even with BFF's

[MickeyCheeky]

Thank you so much for making this thread, Fuzzybear! You're truly one of the BEST here on PC, and definitely the official PC mascot! Please be kind to yourself, my friend! Of course no one can be expected to be perfect! We can only try our best to get through life! That's all we humans can do after all and it's ALWAYS, I mean ALWAYS MORE THAN ENOUGH! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!!!!! Stay safe and stay strong, Fuzzybear, ok? Than you so much for mentioning me as well! I hope you'll be able to treat yourself with the same kindness that you always treat EVERYONE with! Please don't listen to whoever said those nasty things about you, ok? They're simply NOT TRUE and YOU KNOW THAT! Sending many hugs to you, Fuzzybear!!!!!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bunnyhabit

I have learned some secrets should not be shared even with BFF's

Occasionally I’ve been known to “trust” somewhat too quickly ...... big big mistake. Ouch

The number of times I’ve been burnt from trusting someone (a few people) with anything at all its amazing I’m the (relatively) nice bear I am

I need my teeth ... if someone dislikes me because of my teeth.... however much I may or may not want to... I cannot change my species

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Thank you so much for making this thread, Fuzzybear! You're truly one of the BEST here on PC, and definitely the official PC mascot! Please be kind to yourself, my friend! Of course no one can be expected to be perfect! We can only try our best to get through life! That's all we humans can do after all and it's ALWAYS, I mean ALWAYS MORE THAN ENOUGH! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!!!!! Stay safe and stay strong, Fuzzybear, ok? Than you so much for mentioning me as well! I hope you'll be able to treat yourself with the same kindness that you always treat EVERYONE with! Please don't listen to whoever said those nasty things about you, ok? They're simply NOT TRUE and YOU KNOW THAT! Sending many hugs to you, Fuzzybear!!!!!

Thanks so much MickeyCheeky

[Fuzzybear]

I don’t like making a long list of people I appreciate... as I’ll inevitably leave some out.... and intentionally leaving people out has never been my style...

And at the risk of embarrassing him (I’m sorry if I do) @CepheidVariable is another of the kindest, most trustworthy people who posts here

[Fuzzybear]

And @marvin_pa and @Skeezyks

And @Yzen

And @Pfrog

And @Bill3

[Fuzzybear]

My “circle” is always open to all who are respectful and non judgmental ...

(I know everyone makes judgments .... I mean harsh cruel judgments I am not a fan of....

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

my parental units were pathological liars ...

A therapist [therapist = surrogate parent?] who said he had no “empathy” for me...

My PUS parental units didn’t hug me...

Granted no perfect parents exist, some parents are clearly "less perfect" than others.

I wonder what percent of chronic depression-anxiety sufferers had those "less perfect" parental units?

((((((( Fuzzybear )))))))

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Granted no perfect parents exist, some parents are clearly "less perfect" than others.

I wonder what percent of chronic depression-anxiety sufferers had those "less perfect" parental units?

((((((( Fuzzybear )))))))

Good question as always ((((((((((( Rohag )))))))))))

[Thirty shades]

Being your authentic self......

Sometimes I am true
Other times, I try to hide my pain. (IRL)

I am glad here in our safe space at PC, I can be true.
Hugs cost nothing but can mean so much to many....
Kindness, patience and understanding are natural when you connect with people who are naturally authentic.

I have seen T's who have very little empathy,
They blame when you need to return
Or they fail to offer the help needed...

Thank you Fuzzy and all those here who show empathy.

Much love to you all

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Thirty shades

Being your authentic self......

Sometimes I am true
Other times, I try to hide my pain. (IRL)

I am glad here in our safe space at PC, I can be true.
Hugs cost nothing but can mean so much to many....
Kindness, patience and understanding are natural when you connect with people who are naturally authentic.

I have seen T's who have very little empathy,
They blame when you need to return
Or they fail to offer the help needed...

Thank you Fuzzy and all those here who show empathy.

Much love to you all

Good post

Thank you Thirty shades and all here who show empathy

Much love to all

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

If there is one thing I really struggle with in others..
It’s inauthenticity
In particular
“Never feign affection” - from the Desiderata

Thanks to @little turtle, @Rohag, @Thirty shades, Mickey Cheeky, Sò leigheas, Crypts and others here who are “leaders” in showing empathy and genuine kindness. And in not judging or shaming anyone .......

I realise I’ve left many out... that isn’t intentional . I don’t want to make too long a list

my parental units were pathological liars

When I give a hug to someone, online or in real life, it’s to show genuine support

I’m also capable of sometimes giving support... a clicked hug or even a posted hug to someone in need isn’t too hard to do... to someone I may not “like” - but maybe I need to rethink this?? I don’t know why though.. I have enough empathy to spare for almost everyone.

A therapist who said he had no “empathy” for me... well.. I didn’t pay to hear that
sort of crap. If he was feeling frustrated there are kinder and less shaming ways of saying that I do not appreciate being shamed for not being perfect ....

(Not suggesting anyone here does otherwise. .. as in who am I to judge whether Hugs are “sincere” or not.. I just know that mine are ..)

My PUS parental units didn’t hug me.. that wouldn’t have cost them anything.. to give a bear cub a hug

My words n hugs n empathy n anything else I share or give to you are real. Why? Because my Mom taught me what it felt like to receive it - my Dad, step mom, step sisters, and counselors taught me what it was to have it thrown back in my face. One is such a wonderful feeling - the other is such a harmful (not just hurtful) feeling. I will never harm someone in that way. I have also been lied to about empathy before and that ends up making me feel worthless. So yea .. If I don't feel it or don't really want to give it - I just won't. I refuse to hurt people if I can help it. Especially my friends. I consider you a friend.

I have had counselors say many a hurtful thing to me .. it's why I don't trust them. I almost think they do it on purpose to be sure we don't form an attachment to them. But to me - it causes more harm than good. It's why I went to dealing with things on my own. That's supposed to be seen as a good thing - but when you feel pushed into it there is nothing healthy about it. I completely understand your pain. If ever you want to talk, send me a PM. ❤

Love you my friend.

[Fuzzybear]

Thank you my friend ((((((((( Crypts ))))))))))

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

My words n hugs n empathy n anything else I share or give to you are real. Why? Because my Mom taught me what it felt like to receive it - my Dad, step mom, step sisters, and counselors taught me what it was to have it thrown back in my face. One is such a wonderful feeling - the other is such a harmful (not just hurtful) feeling. I will never harm someone in that way. I have also been lied to about empathy before and that ends up making me feel worthless. So yea .. If I don't feel it or don't really want to give it - I just won't. I refuse to hurt people if I can help it. Especially my friends. I consider you a friend.

I have had counselors say many a hurtful thing to me .. it's why I don't trust them. I almost think they do it on purpose to be sure we don't form an attachment to them. But to me - it causes more harm than good. It's why I went to dealing with things on my own. That's supposed to be seen as a good thing - but when you feel pushed into it there is nothing healthy about it. I completely understand your pain. If ever you want to talk, send me a PM. ❤

Love you my friend.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

You're so welcome my friend *hugs* ❤

Hugs To You Too, Dear Fuzzybear! ...

You are such a wonderful being!

Finding our authentic selves is hard work!

Especially learning to love and accept those authentic parts of ourselves that aren't really our favorites!

But, they too serve a purpose, and I think it may have something to do with protecting those parts of us that are most vulnerable.

,
Pfrog

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Pfrog

Hugs To You Too, Dear Fuzzybear! ...

You are such a wonderful being!

Finding our authentic selves is hard work!

Especially learning to love and accept those authentic parts of ourselves that aren't really our favorites!

But, they too serve a purpose, and I think it may have something to do with protecting those parts of us that are most vulnerable.

,
Pfrog

Thank you dear Pfrog for this kind and wise post

[CepheidVariable]

Fuzzy, thank you for your lovely words about me and others.

I think it's amazing that, despite the hurt and anger, you still strive constantly for empathy and love for others. We may not yet be the person we really want to be. That may be due to past circumstances. But we can choose what we desire to be. This is your choice.

As for the rest ... we all make mistakes, have our weaknesses, and even some inconsistencies. I don't expect perfection. I certainly don't expect affection from everyone I encounter. All I ask for is that people make some sort of effort to be kind and considerate. That makes up for a lot. I've been through a lot and made a complete hash of things. Sometimes a little kindness and consideration is all we have. If that's your basis, the rest tends to sort itself out.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by CepheidVariable

Fuzzy, thank you for your lovely words about me and others.

I think it's amazing that, despite the hurt and anger, you still strive constantly for empathy and love for others. We may not yet be the person we really want to be. That may be due to past circumstances. But we can choose what we desire to be. This is your choice.

As for the rest ... we all make mistakes, have our weaknesses, and even some inconsistencies. I don't expect perfection. I certainly don't expect affection from everyone I encounter. All I ask for is that people make some sort of effort to be kind and considerate. That makes up for a lot. I've been through a lot and made a complete hash of things. Sometimes a little kindness and consideration is all we have. If that's your basis, the rest tends to sort itself out.

Thanks Ceph, I agree, all I ask too is that people make some effort to be kind and considerate. It certainly does make up for a lot. And I too have made a complete hash of things at times. Thank you dear Ceph for your wise post

Yes, so many good people here and so much good information. Hugs to you Fuzzy!! You are one sweet, lovable bear. They say you really wouldn't want to hug a bear (they aren't as cuddly as they look) but you WOULD want to hug Fuzzybear.

[MtnTime2896]

I just followed your lead, Fuzzy. You're the best leader I could've looked to in the beginning and to this day.

to everyone here.

[IceCreamKid]

My parents did not hug me either Fuzzy. I am continually shocked and horrified by the therapists you have had the misfortune to meet. A therapist would say, "I have no empathy for you" to me and I'd be thinking, "then you are in the wrong profession, get out now." For anyone who does not know, here is a good definition of empathy: "Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, that is, the capacity to place oneself in another's position."