[leomama]

Originally Posted by the walls

I had a rough start today. I was too depressed to train. When I got to work the coworker I have trouble getting along with had brought donuts in the morning and there were none left for me. I’ve been feeling like she takes all the work for herself and is socially manipulative. I felt like the donuts were a personal slight.


But... I got promoted today! I have been working towards this. I’m still cautious about it since I have to grow a lot into the role to meet and then exceed expectations. They are starting me out with the smaller tasks while I continue training. And I’m always going to be watching my back.


I’m very relieved this happened and I’ve gotten out of The Void. I feel like I have a little bit of a better chance at life now. I can’t believe I’ve come this far, even if it’s not actually that far. For me it is though, I have such low self esteem and feel empty and incomplete. Anyway, after this semester, I’ll go take classes and start preparing for the next move. I hope by the end of the spring semester I’ll have moved into my new job completely. This semester I am taking classes unrelated to my field of work to get some fresh air...


I don’t know why I’m feeling so calm about this. I don’t necessarily feel happy. Maybe because I’m depressed. Or maybe because I know that I still have a lot of work to do and I’m thinking of what I’ll do beyond this new job. I think five steps ahead. I’ll go even further.


I’m afraid I can’t do the new job haha. But they wouldn’t move me up if they didn’t think I could. I’m going to kill it.

Congratulations! I hope the promotion helps alleviate your depression. I know I’m seeking a higher paying job in an effort to help alleviate mine.

[3rd rock]

Originally Posted by giddykitty

I'm beginning to feel a little down right now.

Might I ask a question? (no, that wasn't it. ) For those of you diagnosed with major depressive disorder or identify with unipolar depression, what do your good days feel like? Do you ever experience racing thoughts due to too much excitement or anxiety? do you sleep less than when depressed (for instance, when depressed I can sleep up to 13 hours and still feel tired), ...

I'm just curious what normal is supposed to feel like. Does anyone really know?? Like I said, I'm beginning to feel a little down now, but this is getting to my "baseline". Like, I started treatment at around this level (a lower level).

Thanks!

I do not have any 'good' days. Every day is a struggle to get to the end, which I'm only assured of when I go to bed in the evening.

I figured out why I’m not feeling anything. Deep down I know this is a game of chess. I move to the new role and the manager who is helping me get the promotion is sliding one last piece of the puzzle so his new plan for the workflow is implemented.

Sure we both got what we wanted here but I’m aware it was just manipulations on his part.

I’m pretty young. I had no idea that moving up has more to do with being in the right place in the right time than doing good work. I guess I was able to put myself in the right place. But it is depressing.

[Yzen]

I am going to get back to working on things that were helping me. Not sure why I stopped.

[Rose76]

A hospice team came over today to visit with my S.O and me. What a bunch of creeps - talking about death and funeral arrangements. I hated their way of talking, and I got very angry and upset. I still haven't calmed down.

An alright kind of day. The usual Saturday with cleaning and shopping. This time I did something slightly different. I had finished off all of my cleaning and shopping before noon, which I never did before. It made a difference as I'm able to have a whole afternoon to myself, rather than just finishing everything by 2:30. It was a neat discovery.

Went to visit my friend after lunch. It went alright. I don't like being at his place as much as I like having him at my place. He seemed a little bit listless today.

Nothing much for tonight, as usual. Just got a movie and that's it.

[giddykitty]

Yesterday, I was down then up. No need to dwell on the down right now, but the up was from getting out of the house and visiting my family...and the kitties!

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm so sorry that happened, @Rose76! They are not the right people for helping you right now. Do you have a church or other place of faith you can go to? You need comforting & someone who understands what you're going through. I just now said a prayer for you.. God bless you you, dear Rose.

[Buffy01]

I feel really down today without a reasonable explanation as to why I feel so bad and depressed.

Had a bad day yesterday but I feel much calmer today about what’s happening at work. I have a plan to make sure it works out for me. And no matter what does happen, my promotion is a step up from what I’m doing now. Everything will be ok.

I have a four day weekend. Yesterday I was feeling overwhelmed with pressure on having to do a lot of “fun” things. I have no idea how to enjoy myself. Being perpetually depressed. Anyway I’m feeling less pressure today. Maybe I’ll go outside. I don’t think it will throw me off balance.

[downandlonely]

My mom is coming to visit this weekend. Need to get the house cleaned and kill these bugs before she gets here. I got roach traps today.

Kind of busy today but not too much excitement. Did the laundry and went bike riding for almost three hours. With lunch I had bought some corn chips that are Mexican flavored and it didn't taste good to be. I'll take it to work tomorrow and give it away.

My sister called me pretty late tonight. She left a message. When I listened to her, she sounded very tired, so I didn't bother to call back. That's been happening lately with her and I don't know why. I find it frustrating. On the other hand, she seems to be the author of frustration.

Feeling dreadful about going to work tomorrow. I don't feel that way very often. Just this time I do because there might be a special project for me to do that I'm not looking forward to.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by the walls

I’m so tired.

I been feeling tired myself.

[Buffy01]

I feel so down especially lately. I been feeling depressed in the past month.

[3rd rock]

It's been very difficult to get any writing done over the last few days. I'm extremely tired and listless from the medication. I want to sleep all the time.

I’ve decided to move at the end of my lease. I am getting bored here. There’s not much to do. I want glamor and excitement. Cool places to go within walking distance. I hate driving everywhere. It’s too much effort. Maybe I can make some friends i if f I could get out more easily. I focused on work so much that I think now I can get out more. I don’t know, I think I’m ready to make some friends.

I am dreading work on Wednesday. I have a lot of anxiety. I think people will laugh at me. I just feel like an idiot. I have to remember it’s ok and that I can’t go silent. I have to be confident. Idk why it happens, it’s like I shut down.

[Breaking Dawn]

I've been thinking about what other people say & I'm taking a step back.

It was fairly busy at work today, which was nice. Not feeling really good emotionally. I feel like I should be very happy with the way things are going, but I don't.

I got a message from my doctor about an upcoming MRI that had been rejected by my insurance company. I was told to contact the insurance company and appeal the decision. There is a special phone number to do that. We'll see how that goes.

[Fuzzybear]

grrrr

[Breaking Dawn]

Taking it slow but everything is ok at the moment. I have a couple of ideas to choose from & plan on fulfilling a mission today.

[Yzen]

I took a big step towards making a repair to my house that I have ignored for too long. I hope it goes well.

[3rd rock]

This month is the worst month I've ever had since I started selling books in terms of units moved. This has me feeling very down.

[Buffy01]

I been feeling really depressed again.

Hopefully my shyness and lifelong-depression-based apathy/flat affect doesn’t come across as boredom and arrogance.

Otherwise today was ok. I didn’t completely shut down. I think I’m able to handle it and able to learn. I can feel that it will get better.

I’m 99% sure my fears about the position were unfounded. I just need to learn well.

Update: never mind I’m just really anxious now. Argh.

I feel like I am beginning to come across to people as a person with a lot of anger. A little malevolent, ungracious, dark. My air/energy is starting to match my depression. I had an interaction today where I didn’t mean to come across that way but I did. I feel awful.