Mental Breakdown

Last night, I completely broke down.

Yesterday was fine. I went shopping with my mom and grandma, got a present for my dad. Went out again to shop a bit and then carol/bell ring for the Salvation Army with my youth group. After that, I hung out with some friends from youth group for a little while. Then I went home.

During the whole time I was out with my youth group, I felt basically nothing as I often do. I mean, I acted as if I was happy, but I don' t think that i really was. I'm really not sure though, because I'm not really sure what it feels like to be happy.

Anyway, last night, around 11:30, I don't know why, but I completely broke down. I started crying, questioning everything, and just being generally completely upset and unable to function. I cried myself to sleep.

Today, I'm OK I guess. This morning, I got up, went online some, got frustrated at everything, went to church; read the rest of A Raisin in the Sun while I was there because well, church causes some issues with me. When I came home, my friend called me, we talked for awhile, whatever.

There have been some points today where I just wanted to go to bed and cry, but I've stopped myself so far.

I hate this. I really do!

I'm so sorry you are hurting.

Yeah...I had another mini meltdown, but I'm feeling a bit better because of that. Crying can do that.

Sing, I'm so sorry your emotions haven't been kind to you lately. I definitely relate to the meltdowns surrounded by periods of relative neutrality. I hope you start feeling better soon.

Be safe.

Cyran0

No answers, but lots of empathy. I'm glad you're feeling better now that it's over, maybe those are necessary to keep the pressure from building up too far?

No worries. I'm gonna call my friend soon, and maybe (probably) he can make me feel better.

Super late update - I called my friend around 9:30, but...

We talked, well, he mostly talked. He was himself, and he was so sweet and comforting. Honestly, I could listen to his voice for ages because it's so soothing.

Anyway, he was like, we're gonna get through this, you can do it, I'm here for you...All that good stuff.

And then he was like, "Are you gonna be OK?" I was like, "Yeah...I mean, I'll probably hide out some more, go to bed, wake up tomorrow, and then do pretty much the same thing as today - hide out in my room, cry, try to do things but fail." After that he said "That's the definition of not being OK." *Sigh* At least he's honest.

So after that, he stayed on the phone with me a bit longer until he was convinced that I wasn't freaking out anymore, and then he had to go, but he said if I needed him, I could text him.

My God I love him!

I am glad you have such a good friend. That is so important when you are feeling so bad.

BB

ya that's great

keep talking to him he'll help so much to get you through this
I hope you feel better *hugs*

Yeah. I'm really glad that I have him too. I talk to him all the time, so...

Today - Not so great.

I got up around 8:30, came upstairs, drank some juice, went online for a couple minutes, then decided to go back downstairs.

I spent tons of time in my room, watched a movie, listened to music, slept, sang, read, thought about stuff...I don't know. Then, about a half hour ago, when I was trying to get back to sleep, my 7 year old sister came in and asked if I could babysit my 2 youngest siblings while she and my dad went to go do Christmas shopping (my mom is also out doing the same, one older brother had somewhere to go, and the other isn't up yet, and my 13 year old sister is sick, so she isn't doing much).

Gar.