[MatBell]

I have a lot of intense suicidal thoughts. A new way of doing it. Probably can’t write too much here. They are very intense with a clear plan. I can’t stand being in this.

There is no hope. I’m still in the same **** as always. What do you do when you feel like this?

[stefano]

I struggle to tell myself that I must not trust my judgment, because depression tells me lies.
I'm just grieving for my best friend who listened to those lies.

"there is no choice", "there is no hope", "there is no point"

They are all stupid, gross, filthy LIES.

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by stefano

I struggle to tell myself that I must not trust my judgment, because depression tells me lies.
I'm just grieving for my best friend who listened to those lies.

"there is no choice", "there is no hope", "there is no point"

They are all stupid, gross, filthy LIES.

My therapist says the same thing to me. But I look around my life and I can’t really believe it. I think she says it because that’s her job to do.

[bpcyclist]

I am so sorry you are suffering, you guys. I struggle with SI quite a bit as well. But being on PC has really helped me. I don't feel so alone, like such a freak or weirdo for having thee thoughts and feelings. People here can relate to me and what I go through. I don''t have to explain all of it because people just get it.

My depression tells me a false narrative. It is inaccurate. My illness is trying to kill me. That is its goal. I will not let it win. I will persevere. I will get help from others. I will not give up. There are people out there who love me. My Higher Power loves me. Things will get better. I just have to not quit.

So, I won't quit. I hope no-one quits. we can get better. We can heal. We just have to hang in there and not give up. I hope everyone who is hurting right now feels better today. Just keep pushing ahead. There is hope.

[stefano]

Originally Posted by MatBell

My therapist says the same thing to me. But I look around my life and I can’t really believe it. I think she says it because that’s her job to do.

That is the nature of a mental illness: it tells lies and the victim believes them.

[Mopey]

MatBell I remember a really good article about suicidal thoughts that Skeezyx once posted for somebody. I don't seem to be able to find the article (or any article) myself, but I'm going to try to get the link from him. If/when I get it I'll send it to you.

The gist of it, tho, was that wanting to end it all is basically wanting to stop the pain. Pain is a feeling. If you end yourself, you will no longer be able to feel ANYTHING. Not even relief, which is a feeling

[Mopey]

Well, Mat, Skeezyx sent me a link to the article, called "How To Survive Suicidal Thoughts", but I've been unable to copy the link and send it on to you. It really is an excellent article. If you're interested and you contact him, I'm sure he'd be glad to send you the link directly.

All best thoughts....

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by Mopey

Well, Mat, Skeezyx sent me a link to the article, called "How To Survive Suicidal Thoughts", but I've been unable to copy the link and send it on to you. It really is an excellent article. If you're interested and you contact him, I'm sure he'd be glad to send you the link directly.


All best thoughts....

Thanks Mopey, I’ll look for it.

Edit: I think this is it: How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

[Mopey]

Mat that IS it. How the heck did you get it to come up on your computer????? I couldn't for the life of me.

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by Mopey

Mat that IS it. How the heck did you get it to come up on your computer????? I couldn't for the life of me.

Great! I just googled the title and “article” and I figured it was this one. I’m gonna read it today. It looks helpful.

[downandlonely]

I hope the article helps. I'm sorry you're struggling.

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

I hope the article helps. I'm sorry you're struggling.

Thanks

I like this quote. It’s true when things are really tough:

“Then I remembered something that a friend told me the night before: I don’t have to worry about making it through an entire day. Hell, I don’t even have to tackle a whole hour. All I have to do is the thing right in front of me. In that moment, it was loading some groceries onto the belt. That’s all. If I still existed once they were all on the belt, then my next step was paying for them and hauling them to my car. “Do the thing right in front of you,” she reminded me. “Nothing else.” Everything you need is in the present moment, she said.”

[WpgMom]

Hi everyone. No advice but just wanted to say it helps me to know I am not alone. I feel very alone in real life. No one around me could possibly understand so I can't tell anyone because I know they will think I am crazy or just being overly dramatic.
Today my boss said to me that she has had a few people she knows pass away recently and that "puts things in perspective" that work isn't that important and if something doesn't get done "no one is going to die". I just stared at her. For me the perspective is that life is pointless and I will just suffer and die. And as far no one is going to die because of our work, well, it might be me that dies because of it. I can't tell her any of that.
I really appreciate all of you. I know I can tell you these thoughts and you will understand exactly what I mean.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by MatBell

I have a lot of intense suicidal thoughts. A new way of doing it. Probably can’t write too much here. They are very intense with a clear plan. I can’t stand being in this.

There is no hope. I’m still in the same **** as always. What do you do when you feel like this?

I struggled with this myself. I created a safety plan and write and read positive quotes.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by stefano

I struggle to tell myself that I must not trust my judgment, because depression tells me lies.
I'm just grieving for my best friend who listened to those lies.

"there is no choice", "there is no hope", "there is no point"

They are all stupid, gross, filthy LIES.

That is a good idea. I need to start doing that.

[Mopey]

Originally Posted by MatBell

Thanks

I like this quote. It’s true when things are really tough:

“Then I remembered something that a friend told me the night before: I don’t have to worry about making it through an entire day. Hell, I don’t even have to tackle a whole hour. All I have to do is the thing right in front of me. In that moment, it was loading some groceries onto the belt. That’s all. If I still existed once they were all on the belt, then my next step was paying for them and hauling them to my car. “Do the thing right in front of you,” she reminded me. “Nothing else.” Everything you need is in the present moment, she said.”

I like this quote very much too, Mat. It's something I have to keep reminding myself again and again and again. The further ahead I let my thoughts take me, the more miserable and overwhelmed I become. It's the old "by the inch it's a cinch, by the yard it's hard" idea and to back down to the present moment and let all the other thoughts go, to narrow your focus, as it were, can be extremely relieving of distress.

Be well