Fall-Winter black hole, anyone?

I am in my black hole place again. I think the November-December festival time is a trigger for me, calling up some PTSD from childhood and then adult holidays with my (sadly) raging Borderline mother. But of course there is simply my own brain at work now. I feel absolutely TRAPPED, anxious, impatient, unworthy, sad, and hopeless. I want to run away with my pets and be alone. Does anyone else experience worsened depression this time of year? how do you manage? Thank you for reading. I wish all of you safety and love.

Yes, for a few years I was ALWAYS in the pit during december. Sorry about that.
If your depression comes and goes with a pattern I suggest you make a well organized chart and show it to your pdoc. This strategy helped me greatly.
Good luck!

The black hole has an escape route!!! At least that's what I tell myself! I know for me it was a change in thinking that helped me a few times. I can't change the past. You can't change the past either! No one can. Either we can learn from the past, or run in fear. (Thanks to a movie called the lion king) Which do you want to choose?

I myself choose learn from the past. At least that's what my conscious mind says.

Oh, yes. My depressive stuff has always been worst this time of year and I most commonly get manic in June. Lights don't do anything for me. I don't think it's SAD.

Yes, it's horrible this time of year. I lost my parents during the holidays so it feels extra bad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by boomerango I am in my black hole place again. I think the November-December festival time is a trigger for me, calling up some PTSD from childhood and then adult holidays with my (sadly) raging Borderline mother. But of course there is simply my own brain at work now. I feel absolutely TRAPPED, anxious, impatient, unworthy, sad, and hopeless. I want to run away with my pets and be alone. Does anyone else experience worsened depression this time of year? how do you manage? Thank you for reading. I wish all of you safety and love.

Thank you for your post. Believe me, you are not alone. My mother was severely Borderline, too. The holiday season was sheer hell. Every year, even worse than the rest of the year was. Absolutely pure psychotic nightmare.

I actually like the cooler weather - but apparently there's some incongruity between what I like and how I feel, or how my brain functions. Oct/Nov/Dec...I wish I could just sleep through them. My pdoc kept insisting that I get a SAD light. I finally did, and what a waste of 40$. I tried it many times; it not only doesn't help my depression, it hurts my eyes (even though I don't look straight at it).

All meds at a max. The only thing that brings me joy are my cats.

I wish I had some suggestions for you.

I have tried three different SAD lights and they all did exactly zero for me. I would have been better off buying a new pair of headphones with that money because at least they would bring me some modest happiness.

Yes. My mood always tanks at predictable times of the year. When that happens, old pain resurfaces even when those traumas don't impact my life as much at other times of the year. Then it all feeds on itself and goes down down down. I thank the others on this post for saying the artificial lights don't help because I was thinking of getting one. When weather cooperates, natural light sometimes helps a little. Indoor plants help me, and listening to nature sounds and looking at pictures of natural scenes. Motivation for working out gets harder when I feel like this but the physical activity really helps. So do power poses even though it seems silly. None of this gets me to 100% but it gets me through enough to function. If I don't do these things, I feel the urge to hide under the covers and not come out. I hope some of these suggestions can help you.