[Have Hope]

I’m really low and depressed right now and feel SO alone with it. I’m angry at myself mainly. I’m behaving in ways that are not my standard. So I’m down on myself. I really just want to die and leave this earth. I’m not unsafe. I just want to disappear. And I have no therapist right now (in between therapists), which is not helping me whatsoever. Normally I'd be able to make an emergency call and talk. I feel so very low.... I don't know how to cope and manage my low feelings.

[Fuzzybear]

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

You're not alone. I'm sorry it's so bad.

I don't know the whole story but I've read some other posts.

The feeling embarrassed after a work encounter seems to be the most urgent issue?

I'm very happy to listen if you want to say more.

Shame is an awful sensation.

Honestly, I'm sure it isn't as bad as you think.

But that's not how it feels when we're in the middle of it.

I've had being-bullied issues at work, so I do understand about hating oneself re a work situation.

I just want to remind you that, at the end of the day, this is ONLY a job.

Jobs are not worth punishing ourselves to death over.

Hugs to you.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

You're not alone. I'm sorry it's so bad.

I don't know the whole story but I've read some other posts.

The feeling embarrassed after a work encounter seems to be the most urgent issue?

I'm very happy to listen if you want to say more.

Shame is an awful sensation.

Honestly, I'm sure it isn't as bad as you think.

But that's not how it feels when we're in the middle of it.

I've had being-bullied issues at work, so I do understand about hating oneself re a work situation.

I just want to remind you that, at the end of the day, this is ONLY a job.

Jobs are not worth punishing ourselves to death over.

Hugs to you.

Thank you! Yes my work issue is the biggest cause. And shame. I just wish I hadn’t behaved that way... I’m really disappointed in myself all around.

[Yzen]

Don't stay angry or disappointed in yourself. Things don't always go the way we hope or expect of ourselves. It helps to release those past feelings and focus on a better future. Nothing changes in the past.

I hope things go much better tomorrow and next week and continuing into your future!

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Have Hope, maybe try an experiment today of dropping your shame. Just for a day. You don't need it, honestly. Just let it go.

If nothing else, our bodies need the occasional day off from all these feel-bad chemicals and hormones.

Also, you know, I've had many colleagues make a move on me at work events. Honestly, a ridiculous amount. They were often attached, married, or my superior at work. One colleague at a Christmas party physically refused to let me leave.

They'd drunk too much, as you had.

Obviously, I wasn't happy about it, but it's life. People make fools of themselves when alcohol is involved.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Have Hope, maybe try an experiment today of dropping your shame. Just for a day. You don't need it, honestly. Just let it go.

If nothing else, our bodies need the occasional day off from all these feel-bad chemicals and hormones.

Also, you know, I've had many colleagues make a move on me at work events. Honestly, a ridiculous amount. They were often attached, married, or my superior at work. One colleague at a Christmas party physically refused to let me leave.

They'd drunk too much, as you had.

Obviously, I wasn't happy about it, but it's life. People make fools of themselves when alcohol is involved.

Thank you! I like that idea! And you make a great point. Ppl do lots of stupid things when drinking.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Have a good day, dear friend.

You deserve it!

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Have a good day, dear friend.

You deserve it!

Thank you! Just sent you a pm in fact!! Ty!

[seesaw]

HH, you have to allow yourself to make mistakes. You are only human. You made a mistake. Accept that you are fallible and ease up on yourself.

I have never met someone who expected so much perfection from themselves. I thought I was bad, lol. Take a minute and think of your past mistakes. You recovered from them all and learned and grew. It's okay to have made a mistake. The shame and embarrassment are really useless emotions in this at this point. Initially, sure they tell that you dont like you behaved that way. But you cant take it back. You can only resolve to do better next time.

Keep repeating the above to yourself every time the negative intrusive thoughts come in your head that you must be perfect. You dont have to be perfect. We all screw up. We all say things we wish we hadn't. We all drink too much and occasionally act the fool or something similar.

Maybe it's time to build a new standard for yourself that includes how you will deal with yourself when you make a mistake. And that standard could be just to self reflect and determine how to behave next time. Then you can move on because you've lived up to your standard to continually grow.

I mean a standard of perfection doesnt leave much room for growth, does it?

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by seesaw

HH, you have to allow yourself to make mistakes. You are only human. You made a mistake. Accept that you are fallible and ease up on yourself.

I have never met someone who expected so much perfection from themselves. I thought I was bad, lol. Take a minute and think of your past mistakes. You recovered from them all and learned and grew. It's okay to have made a mistake. The shame and embarrassment are really useless emotions in this at this point. Initially, sure they tell that you dont like you behaved that way. But you cant take it back. You can only resolve to do better next time.

Keep repeating the above to yourself every time the negative intrusive thoughts come in your head that you must be perfect. You dont have to be perfect. We all screw up. We all say things we wish we hadn't. We all drink too much and occasionally act the fool or something similar.

Maybe it's time to build a new standard for yourself that includes how you will deal with yourself when you make a mistake. And that standard could be just to self reflect and determine how to behave next time. Then you can move on because you've lived up to your standard to continually grow.

I mean a standard of perfection doesnt leave much room for growth, does it?

And if someone is holding it against you, whether in really life or just a judgmental voice in your head, then you have got to ignore them. That judgmental person has more right to judge for your mistakes, and you shouldn't judge yourself for your mistakes.

We all.make them. And what I know of you is that you do try to learn from your mistakes and that is all you can do. You know some people dont even care about their mistakes, so the fact that you try to improve says a lot. Give yourself some credit.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by seesaw

HH, you have to allow yourself to make mistakes. You are only human. You made a mistake. Accept that you are fallible and ease up on yourself.

I have never met someone who expected so much perfection from themselves. I thought I was bad, lol. Take a minute and think of your past mistakes. You recovered from them all and learned and grew. It's okay to have made a mistake. The shame and embarrassment are really useless emotions in this at this point. Initially, sure they tell that you dont like you behaved that way. But you cant take it back. You can only resolve to do better next time.

Keep repeating the above to yourself every time the negative intrusive thoughts come in your head that you must be perfect. You dont have to be perfect. We all screw up. We all say things we wish we hadn't. We all drink too much and occasionally act the fool or something similar.

Maybe it's time to build a new standard for yourself that includes how you will deal with yourself when you make a mistake. And that standard could be just to self reflect and determine how to behave next time. Then you can move on because you've lived up to your standard to continually grow.

I mean a standard of perfection doesnt leave much room for growth, does it?

Omg.. you're soooo right. lol! I am expecting way too much of myself. I do tend to beat myself up needlessly.

I feel slightly better today about it all. Basically, I just slept it all off, lol. When I'm depressed and so down like that, I just go to bed to rest or sleep.

And I do realize that it was drinking-related, and that many people do and say stupid things they may not normally say when drinks are involved. I am hoping my teammates chalk it up to that.

But you're correct. I am way too hard on myself. I should have greater self compassion. I say that to others, and need to say it to myself now too.

Thank you, @seesaw!

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by seesaw

HH, you have to allow yourself to make mistakes. You are only human. You made a mistake. Accept that you are fallible and ease up on yourself.

I have never met someone who expected so much perfection from themselves. I thought I was bad, lol. Take a minute and think of your past mistakes. You recovered from them all and learned and grew. It's okay to have made a mistake. The shame and embarrassment are really useless emotions in this at this point. Initially, sure they tell that you dont like you behaved that way. But you cant take it back. You can only resolve to do better next time.

Keep repeating the above to yourself every time the negative intrusive thoughts come in your head that you must be perfect. You dont have to be perfect. We all screw up. We all say things we wish we hadn't. We all drink too much and occasionally act the fool or something similar.

Maybe it's time to build a new standard for yourself that includes how you will deal with yourself when you make a mistake. And that standard could be just to self reflect and determine how to behave next time. Then you can move on because you've lived up to your standard to continually grow.

I mean a standard of perfection doesnt leave much room for growth, does it?

Originally Posted by seesaw

And if someone is holding it against you, whether in really life or just a judgmental voice in your head, then you have got to ignore them. That judgmental person has more right to judge for your mistakes, and you shouldn't judge yourself for your mistakes.

We all.make them. And what I know of you is that you do try to learn from your mistakes and that is all you can do. You know some people dont even care about their mistakes, so the fact that you try to improve says a lot. Give yourself some credit.

Thank you @seesaw. I DO try to learn.... I am typically all about self-development and self-improvement. I've been in therapy for most of my life, working on self-improvement. And I had a lot of issues to overcome!!! Many, too many.... and I still do.

I will try to ignore my own critical inner voice. I know I can be far too self-critical, to the point of it being not healthy or productive.

A friend told me last night to write down five things I like about myself and to read the list every morning. I think I will try that.

I need to remember all the things I am proud of myself for. I've come a long way over the years and I still have a long way to go....

but I should focus on the progress I HAVE made instead of the many miles I still have ahead. Positives vs negatives. It's a constant inner struggle for me, and I see that in myself.

Thank you again.