New here

I'm new to the forum. I guess I could post in any number of the forums for mental health, because I seem to be a wreck these days...

I have BPD, but along with it comes some really serious depression and anxiety issues. I am constantly finding myself between a rock and a hard place.. and I know getting there was all my own doing. I can't seem to make the right choices, and when I mess up, I just can't cope with it.

I'm writing here today because I need someone to talk to I suppose. It's hard to talk to friends and family about how I feel, because I know that they really don't get it. They'll tell me to "cheer up" and "smile" and say, "it's not that bad." And it usually sends me into rage.

I've come to the point where I realize I truly do hate myself, and that's a hard place to be. Everything is bleak. I admit I have had an especially bad week, but the feelings never really go away. I start therapy in a couple days, and I'm really looking forward to it.. I just need something to tie me over until then.. all these feelings take home in a lump in my throat, and all I can do is lock myself in my office sometimes.

I know there's got to be hope out there.. And everything that happens isn't always my own fault. I just don't honestly believe it. I guess I'm just looking for a friend right now.

Hi Josie,

I'm sorry you are feeling so down currently.

Bipolar, with its changing moods, has got to be really dificult to deal with.

I'm glad you will be starting therapy shortly. That should provide you a steady basis for support.

Try to forgive yourself for things which happen as a result of your diagnosis. I have always been pretty hard on myself, so I know it is easier said than done, but it will help you to feel better if you can.

EJ

Hi Josie. I can definitely relate to how you feel about everyone just telling you it's going to be okay or it's not that bad. I have the same thing happen to me a lot. The few friends I do manage to keep, the ones that try to help me once in a while when I ask, that's all I hear from them.

It's not helpful, and they need to realize that the last thing you want to hear from them is that it's not that bad, or it's going to be okay. Sure, that's a nice thought, but it's not okay right now and that's what needs to be addressed.

We also have the similar issue that we blame ourselves for everything. I feel like I've failed at life no matter who thinks I'm at all accomplished. Take this advice knowing that I haven't figured everything out perfectly... but what I do sometimes, is I try to sit down and tell myself as many things as I can think of that I like about myself and my life. I try to think of how I could be worse off and how I'm glad that I'm not.

Anyway, if you need a friend, I'll sign up.

hi Josie, This is a good place to talk about how your feeling.

Welcome to PC Josie... there is hope. I'm experience a respite from the suffering right now so I know there is hope. It is cyclical so its not without its worry the tides will turn. But I'm learning to cope and I'm learning to moderate some of the worst of it. Talk therapy, observing symptoms, changing thinking patterns that trigger/feed symptoms, relaxation and good health practises have all contributed to my progressive recovery.

Finding PC and the people here has also been an important part of my recovery. I've met wonderfully supportive people here who can relate to my dramas. I feel better about myself when I come here.

Hoping your appointment tomorrow goes well. Look forward to getting to know you and being your friend.

Take care............

Josieaj,

It's so frustrating when people do not understand that we do not CHOOSE to be depressed or manic and our anxiety may not be logical but it exists and we have to deal with it logical or not.

PC is really a great place to talk to other people that know or have a pretty good idea how you feel. Good Luck with therapy.

Welcome josie, and good luck with your first therapy appointment! I'm looking forward to getting to know you and if you need a friend I'm here for you!

welcome to psychcentral... hope you find this place some help to you =D

*not much more to say eveyrone else seems to have everything covered* but welcome and keep posting, you're not alone here ^_^