Depression Vent Room for Misfits

I have been working so hard for so long and still I seem to be getting nowhere. Yes, I am "advancing" - that is doing things that should lead somewhere - as they say but my anxiety has not diminished. My will to live has not returned. I no longer believe things will get better because despite all my efforts, things haven't become better. All I do is spend energy but I never seem to get anything in return. I really believe it is time my efforts pay off and that this great future everyone - doctors and therapists in the first place - envisages for me starts. Like now. Not tomorrow. Or do they really want me to keep on toiling for another 40 years and will they then finally say: "Oh well, you might have been right, life does not seem to have much happiness in store for you. But hey, for the little time that still remains, it is a bit absurd to put you to sleep now."?

I just got back from the funeral. Having a glass of wine to toast the deceased.

Feeling kind of depressed, though.

... we all don't fit in some place so we're all misfits, not?

Family drama is stressful

One thing I have learned in life is that in no situation whatsoever am I ever treated in a way I didn’t deserve. The problem is always me. If I don’t get the same respect or attention somebody else got, it has to be due to something I did wrong. Even if someone has been blatantly rude or abusive to me, that person is never being a jerk. I must have set them off somehow. And if I ever try to say any different, then I am “making excuses,” and “blaming everybody else for my problems,” and “not taking responsibility.”

it goes both ways, if someone is set off by something, their reaction is on them, its their responsibility to work on not getting triggered

It is astonishing this is the life my father wanted for me.

Hope you're okay out there Breaking Dawn

Breaking Dawn. Missed you.

I am back after a 3+ month old hospital stay. Was very delusional and aggressive. Better now but depressed with a lot of lethargy and apathy to do anything.

I have been trying to dust/clean my room but couldn't make it so far. Don't know why I feel so down even when I think of dusting/cleaning my room.

I changed the bedsheet and dusted a little. At least better than zero.

I wish that :grouphug I could feel better :hug and not become depressed

its their responsibility to work on not getting triggered....this is very important for me. My father triggers me....I attacked him, mom came in between us and got hurt. I will have to deal with the situation with more diplomacy.

It’s my birthday today :sadhug and I am very emotional today and depressed today

A very happy birthday to you Buffy. Much love and hugs. Hope you feel better soon.

It's been a long time, but my mother did something today that really hurt me. I needed support this morning. I called her about 9 am and told her what was going on and asked if she could offer support. She told me, "No, I need my coffee." I thought maybe I would hear back from her later. But she ignored me for the entire day. It hurt very much. I listen to that woman whine, moan, ***** and complain all the time. I always try to stay positive. Today I just needed her to listen to me for a change and she couldn't do it. I can't stop thinking about how hurt and upset I am. I don't plan to call her ever again.

I’m that is very hurtful.

I think that whoever said this is wrong. Everyone deserves respect...

every one deserves to be treated with respect

I feel very down and depressed.

It doesn't matter what I do. I feel like I am bad luck. I'm almost in tears. I don't know why. Here mother wanted a block of swiss cheese and I got her sliced and she made me pay back the money to teach me a lesson despite the fact I told her that was all the stores I went to carried. Then I didn't type in a damn password right, and couldn't get in the website i wanted to. So, I had to wait to fix the situation. It's funny how I seem to get a damn thing right at all. laughs. I don't see how God can truly help a real hapless person like me. What the hell would I be any good for in this password driven world? not good for much, I guess. laughs. I shouldn't say this, but it seems like my week has been rather rotten and here it is ending. Maybe prayer will help since it seems like I'm just hating life since August started. I might as well forget about happiness or anything because it seems like it seems like life hates me, I guess.

Today is a difficult day for me. I couldn't shower or get dressed this morning. So I had to miss out on a family gathering. I just didn't have the energy to take a shower. Plus I was scared. My last shower was difficult. I have a bad back. I use a chair in the shower but at some point I've got to stand. That caused me pain.

The new thread is here: Depression Vent Room for Misfits #2