Relapsing treatment resistant depression - need ideas

Long story short, I have treatment resistant depression that had been in remission. I have been having pretty bad depressive episodes lately where I can't even get out of bed. I'm so fatigued, and I just have no executive function. You all know the feeling - your body feels so heavy and no matter how much you want to get up, you just can't.

I can't take medication - I have tried 30 different meds and combinations and had bad reactions to them all.

Of course managing diet and exercise have worked in the past but I'm in this rut of not being able to move, so I'm looking for anyone's suggestions on how they get the first steps towards moving out of a depression relapse to happen. I feel like if I could just feel like I was making small steps towards moving forward, I would feel better. But right now I just can barely move.

Lay em on me, I'll consider anything (please no med suggestions or talk - been there, done that, damage done and permanent).

Thanks!

Dear seesaw,

I am so very, very sorry you are afflicted with treatment resistant depression. I can't even imagine how awful that is. I wish I had something helpful to offer, but sadly I am at a loss. Something called CBT helped me a lot, but I don't have treatment resistance depression. I hope others here who are more experienced and enlightened with have something really helpful to off. It is just heartbreaking what you are going through and I am terribly sorry I could not be helpful to you in this situation!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

PS. Since I am not a physician or health care professional, nothing I write on the Forums is advice. I am thoroughly unqualified to give advice that you or anyone could or should rely upon.

Thank you, Yaowen, for those kind words. I've definitely been through this before, so it's not new to me, but I appreciate your reminder about cbt. I have done both cbt and dbt in the past so that's a good suggestion to getting things moving in the right direction.

Thank you for your suggestion!

Honestly, the past few winters ive been buying a bottle of booze. I dont drink otherwise, and i am on meds, which i take at bedtime, but i figure a shot of sambuca or something - the sugar is probably worse for me than the alcohol. A bottle sometimes lasts me two or three years, as i will imbibe for just a week, and that seems to unwind me. As i can get wound up.

Unaluna, I love you but are you suggesting I drink alcohol to combat my depression? Lol

I know its counterintuitive. Im just saying its what i do. And its probably what cavemen did in the fall. A little applejack?

I appreciate the suggestion. I dont think that's the right move for me, but I'm glad it's working for you. Honestly I do find a glass of wine when I'm having evening anxiety helpful but I'm really on the fence about drinking alcohol at all for a variety of reasons.

It is very rare for me. Like one week out of the year. I almost think its Seasonal affective disorder.

Hey seesaw,

I can relate about meds. I've tried a lot of meds and had very bad reactions to them.

I also think that revisiting CBT and DBT would be a good idea. Is there anything that gives a small reward that you could try, maybe for 5 minutes, idk. How are things today? Thinking of you!

I did pull out one of my unused depression DBT workbooks and I'm going to start it. That's a step moving forward. Keep the suggestions coming.

Thanks, Fuzzybear!

My T always tell me to use affirmations

Think about things your grateful for and good at

Yeah, I know SAD is really hard to deal with. I'm sorry you're dealing with it. (Hugs)

Yes, DBT is a good option. I'm going through a DBT workbook at the moment. Like Teddy Bear suggested, affirmations and a gratitude list are good too. I like to-do lists when I can't move. I spend a lot of time at my desk not wanting to get up. So I write down the things I need to do and break it into tiny details. I think of what's the easiest thing to do. You accomplish that and then momentum builds. You just check it off your list and then keep going. Reward yourself after.

I'm sending good thoughts your way. I wish you success.

Yes, this might be a good idea. And your other idea is good to. I have a mobile app that is a gratitude journal and I should try using it. I just downloaded it a few days ago.

Thank you for the suggestion!