[daas619]

I'm struggling. Majorly depressed and self harming several times a day for the past several days.

Not busy at work. Had a team meeting this morning and I felt like it didn't go well for me. After the meeting, I came to a conclusion that, after asking some questions, it may be pretty soon when the job ends. But later in the day I got talking to someone else and he said that my job could go on longer. So everyday it's been up and down about what's going to happen for me.

Felt good leaving work but felt depressed when I got home. But working out made me feel better and then having a nice dinner. Feeling better tonight now.

[Deilla]

I don't feel well emotionally. I'm trying to prepare myself mentally for housework. It's just depressing me.

An OK kind of day. The usual cleaning, laundry, and shopping. Nice to have some great music to groove to while doing those things. Maybe someday soon that routine will change. If I'm not going to be at my job, then the Saturday routine will move to another day. It's a nice thought for me.

I didn't sleep well last night and for a good while. I would get right to sleep, but would wake up in the middle of the night, and then it would take two hours to fall back to sleep. It seems like it happens to me at this time of year. Or maybe it's just because of my job and personal life situation.

[TishaBuv]

I’m doing well. No more psych meds, no more hysteria. I think I came to terms with it all and made a choice I can stick to.

[Breaking Dawn]

I've been managing with insights given to me from listening to others. I have a really hard time sometimes, but at the same time I feel extremely blessed. I honestly am certain that these forums are a gift from God, & the leader & volunteers are conduits for God. God bless them!! Thank you so much!!

[Deilla]

I'm not doing well. I had a terrible day and I couldn't sleep. It's late and I'm tired. Today doesn't look much better.

Typical Sunday but pretty good. My sister called this morning and it went well. She seems to be very understanding about what I'm going through with my job. Took a longer bike ride today. It was very windy and dusty at some spots.

[Deilla]

I am sad this morning. I have nothing to look forward to. I have chores and more chores. Nothing fun to work on or hope for.

[Breaking Dawn]

Ups & downs. Need to drink coffee. Then I can do some hoping & trying.

[Deilla]

I started working on a new project. It's a collaboration. I am excited. I am happiest when I work on projects. I need to do that more often.

it's been another wasted day.

depressed- check

no motivation- check

so the same as ****ing always really

[MatBell]

Going to the doctor tomorrow for help. Once again...

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[Deilla]

I had a panic attack this morning and decided not to do my scheduled heart test. I was afraid of the 2-hour imaging process. But later I did reschedule. I hope next time I feel better. It's just something I have to do.

My sister and I got into it this afternoon. She called me as soon as I got home to tell me that there's a house for sale near where she is. I've told her a thousand times that I am never interested in moving to her area. She still doesn't get it. In fact, she's a pretty good reason why I never want to live close to her.

My job is still the same as there are no new developments, even though there are all kinds of stories about what's going to happen. So indefinite and unpredictable.

I made an attempt to get back with an ex-friend a couple of days ago. He sent me a message saying he read articles about trying to understand me better and apologized for upsetting me many times. I called and asked about the articles that he read. It was about Autism. I was horrified that he implied that I am autistic. I am not that. So it's back to upsetting me and not being friends with him again.

[Deilla]

I finally was sleeping well but my cat decided he wanted me up. So here am I in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping. I will try to go back to bed soon. I hope I sleep late.

Not much happened at work today. Tomorrow is the last day that the Maintenance man be working. He's retiring. Tomorrow there's going to be a team meeting (him and I with our managers) and then a pizza lunch. I hope that I won't be asked how I will feel about him retiring. I was never crazy about him. As it turns out, I will not be taking his place like I had before when he was absent, so that's great for me.

[Deilla]

I'm up again in the middle of the night. I couldn't sleep. I'm too worried about chores today. I wish I could relax, but I'm anxious. Maybe after I've done a few things, I will be able to sleep.

[88Butterfly88]

I was depressed in the morning but took a nap and then woke up feeling better. Was okay mid-day into the afternoon and this evening I am actually feeling quite good.

[Breaking Dawn]

I managed better most of today compared to the last couple of days. I wish tomorrow could be a lot easier.

Today was a fairly good day for me emotionally. I was pretty busy, but not with my regular work, just with other insignificant stuff. Today was the last day for the maintenance man and we had a pizza lunch. Much to my surprise, by the end of the day, I just walked out of my room and then the maintenance man was right there. He talked to me about himself leaving and I wished him well. Our conversation went well and he even called me "buddy". I couldn't believe it because I thought that he didn't like me. He even laughed at a joke I had told him.

Felt let down when I got home. It's the weekend now and I hope things will go well tomorrow as Saturdays can be stressful for me at times.

[Rose76]

I've been down for quite a while now. There's 3 days worth of dishes in the kitchen sink. Next I'm going to wash them. If I can get my place tidied up I will feel a lot better.

Tuesday I should hear from my provider about the xrays I had yesterday of my neck and r. arm. My arm has been very sore. Yesterday I started taking Indocin, which is already helping a good bit. If I'm less sore, housework won't seem so hard. Being surrounded by a worsening mess has felt just awful. I know it's up to me to do something about that. I give up too easily. Then I create my own misery. God helps those who help themselves. Well, here I go. My next post should report some progress.

[Deilla]

I feel stressed this morning. I also feel lonely and sad. I have things I have to get done today and I'm not looking forward to it.

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm doing better at the moment than I was earlier.

The weekend for me was just the usual. I talked with my sister this morning and told her how I felt about her mentioning the house for sale near where she lives and how I don't want to come back to her area. She understood, but it seems like it's many times that she doesn't get it.

As far as my job goes, it's still "wait and see" in what's going to happen. Some people are telling me that it's good for me to stick it out because it can pay off more for me if I do. That's true, but this is a situation that it's hard to stick it out as I wish it can be over very soon. I still dread going to work and wonder why I should keep going.