[Shellbe]

i don't know where to put this....at this moment, i am not extremely depressed though it is up and down. My husband got laid off of work on Friday and can't seem to grasp that we are DIRT poor. I am making sacrifices....such as no therapy for a while, rescheduling psychiatric apppt a few more weeks out to try to get some money together, other small things......

he seems to be taking it in stride and was recnetly reprimanded at his job....then two days later, they let him go??? makes no sense to me and he's not getting the IDEA that we have to change our lifestyle.
no matter what i say, he shoots it down. However, someone else can say the exact same thing, and he listens and considers it. I throw my hands up. I give up.

He has told me the 8years we have been together that he doesn't really b elieve in depression. I just need to "not think about it." despite hospitalizations, meds, therapy...does not believe in it. One guy at his former work explained that he had bad depression and that he had to find and change up the meds every now and then and the he would feel more even.....my husband listens to him and gives me a lecture about meds that he used to vehemently deny and say i should not take...........he told his boss "my wife is depressed." as some excuse of why he has been a jackass at work. Since when did he finally believe that depression exists?

We are broke but still young. He thinks he's just going to put it all on the credit card and live the way we usually do. He's sitting at home right now trying to tell me (while I'm at work) how to take care of a completely different situation.
I am frustrated with him, feel so stressed, feel so angry, want to get away, want to smash things........
he is taking his anger out on me too. Yelling at me for stupid things, it's all MY fault, why don't you make more money???? is what he says.....

im not the one who got laid off. I feel like i am going to explode and once the anger deflates, the depression comes sinking in and i begin thinking nonrational thoughts about how i'm just not meant for this world.

I am angry, hurt, frustrated, all of this and more. And i don't want to go home tonight. Not to all of this %#@&#! and more.

[Cyran0]

Shellbe, my heart goes out to you. You are in the middle of a completely screwed up situation and I'm just so sorry that this is happening to you.

You said you're both young. That could explain some of your husband's attitudes and actions, I suppose. In my early twenties I was a moron. It's hard to admit that now but it's true. As a young man I could get so self righteous and spout off in ways that I'm pretty ashamed of now. The good news is that guys can grow out of this. I did.

In the meantime, you might try treating conversations with your hubby like a highschool debate. He doesn't believe in depression? Site the American Psychiatric Journal as a source. Establish yourself as the informed and scholarly one. Even the most egocentric of young males have trouble arguing against entire institutions of data.

As for financial troubles, consider going to a financial planner under the guise of "managing this period of unemployment". A financial planner will provide structure to your finances and will provide an expert opinion that will be hard for your husband to argue with.

Finally, and I know this is a lot to put on you, but be the calm responsible one. Your husband just took a serious blow to his ego, security, masculinity, etc. He's probably got a lot of painful emotions right now and it doesn't sound like he's got the tools to deal with them. Try not to engage in heated arguments but instead be the calming force for the moment.

And don't forget to take care of yourself. Talk to your therapist. Maybe there's a way you can defer billing for your appointments for a time. Your T is a great resource and now might not be the best time to lose him/her.

My two cents. I hope it helps and be safe.

Cyran0

[Mayam]

Hi Shellbe,

I'm sorry you are going through all this. I'm glad you came here to let it out though and hope that is helping you some. I know it doesn't fix anything but I know for me it felt good just to finally say what's up and how I'm feeling to someone.

I can identify with having to deal with loved ones who just refuse to accept that you are suffering. My Mom is really the only member of my family I am close with and if she knew I was planning to see a psychiatrist she would seriously probably stop talking to me again. She doesn't believe in psychiatry and further more thinks it's even harmful. I have friends but they don't want to hear it. They don't want me bring them down. They all tell me the same thing, "just stop thinking about it". Might as well just tell the earth to stop spinning right? My friends answer is to take me to bars and get me laid. That's just not me, I don't do that.

I don't have anyone to come home to, or to even talk to. I dread going home. It's so bad I'll clock out and keep working. I'm pressuring them for a salary so I can stay there all the time but with what I'm going through now I am sucking at work.

8 years is a long time and you guys must be really commited to each other. Hopefully you can make him understand that, even if he can't accept the reality of your condition, he needs to find work to support you both in general. Your therapy is important to you but so is food and shelter. Running up credit is just gonna create problems that will extend into your futures. I can speak on that from personal experience .

It sounds like maybe he is complacent in the relationship? Taking you for granted is strong terminology but it's something I myself think I have been guilty of in the past with relationships I was in. Doesn't sound like he is the type of guy to go to counseling with you though but I'd think that would be helpful. That and him going to the employment commission in your state maybe. Maybe drop that little kernel of info with one of his friends so he'll listen?

Please don't think you are "just not meant for this world". You've got to know that isn't true. You yourself said the thought was nonrational and you are right, it is. My closest friend from childhood into adulthood killed himself and it was devestating and life changing. I still think about him all the time and the question will probably always remain with me. Could I have stopped it if I was just a little more supportive? I will always take the blame for what happened to him. I'm sure you don't want to leave your husband and loved ones with the same questions and feelings.

I usually try to check these forums at least once a day. Feel free to PM me anytime for any reason and I'll respond. For what its worth you can cry on my shoulder. I'm no therapist but at least you can let it out to us here.