[hereiam]

I've gone through depression before. But it's been such a long while since then, but recently, I have been unmotivated. I haven't gone to classes, showered, or even really gotten up to do much of anything. I haven't changed clothes. I just feel like some things aren't worth it, so I don't do them. Lack of motivation comes to mind.

Now last time's I've been depressed I've felt this terrible guilt for doing all these things and being such a 'burden' to everyone around me. This time, I feel those things, but not to the extent I used to. I honestly just don't care that much this time around. I don't give a %#@&#! about missing my classes (which I used to really care about) or not seeing friends or calling family. Everytime I see them, they go on and on about whats wrong and why are you being this way and blah blah blah. I don't want to be around that or hear that, and I don't want to be a burden, so I avoid it.

I don't know. I guess I'm asking if I'm 'really, truly' depressed but I kind of already know the answer. I hate myself for being this way, especially after feeling so great for so long. I'm such a mess, I wouldn't be surprised if my friends thought I was disgusting.

I suppose this post turned from a "Am I..." to a "I am, nevermind!" Lol.

I just don't know what else to do. Waking up is getting harder and harder, and I'm feeling more and more resigned.

[nightbird]

i find something to feel thankful for, anything, the rain, anything to start thinking positively. soon i'll find another thing, then another....that's how i begin to change my bleak outlook...so far it's worked, but it takes awhile, i admit, to get moving on things if i'm procrastinating.

hope you feel like the hygeine thing is in your best interest, and does make you feel better. once you can get motivated.

best to you.

nightbird

[PaddlerKD]

Hi hereiam,

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad. I have experienced several similar thoughts and feelings as well when I recently came into another severe depression after five years. I didn't talk to anyone because I felt I was a burden and spent much of the past year being angry at myself for sinking into another depression. But in my attempts to get better, I constantly remind myself that my depression is part of who I am, part of what makes me me. I can't necessarily control it, but I can learn to live with day by day as my life ebbs and flows. So far the mantra is helping a bit at least to get me out of bed in the morning. I also realized part of my depression was caused by my refusal to talk to anyone, a vicious cycle really, so I am working on overcoming that part. And part of that has been finding someone to tell when I am having a rough time and asking them to just sit with me. Human presence and energy from other people give me one more ounce of energy to keep going.

This probably isn't much help but know that you are not alone in your current feelings.

Sending positive energy your way,
PaddlerKD

[mrsmoggles]

I agree with nightbird and KD...looking for one small thing and finding someone to 'just sit' and not try to tell you how to run your life or 'why are you like this?' routines...i can identify with the depression, i think your post describes me when i start to drag...esp. when I don't feel good physically and mentally. it is a hard spot to get out of...

sending love, hugs, and understandingmelanie

[Doh2007]

I hope it helps to sit with us and talk. Did anything in particular trigger this depression?