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#1
Jan 28, 2008, 05:11 PM
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This has been pretty much my longest depressive episode yet.
I have tolerated and stuck with my medications. I have pushed myself to go to work, internship, school. I am taking a medical leave from work starting next months because it's just getting too hard. I will continue with my internship and even pick up an extra day because I need a certain amount of hrs. to graduate. I am in danger of not hitting that amount because of the time I had to take off due to being ill. I don't even care about anything anymore, yet I care very much. I SI every single night. I have tried 15 meds over the years. I haven't cleaned the house. I can't read for school. I lost all my interests and no longer enjoy life. I have no focus. All I want to do is lay in the bed or sleep. I applied to the doctoral program and I'm waiting for an answer this week or next week. I think I am more scared about what will happen if I do get in, rather than if I don't. It is something I have wanted more than anything else in the world. Now I just feel so detached. I see my pdoc in 2 hours. I am worthless. |
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#2
Jan 28, 2008, 05:25 PM
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Glad you are seeing your pdoc. I understand you feel that you are worthless. I've felt that way about myself in the past also. I don't believe that I am worthless now, I don't believe that you are worthless, and I hope you get a lift in spirits soon.
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#3
Jan 28, 2008, 07:09 PM
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((((pinksoil))))) take a much needed and well deserved break ...
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#4
Jan 28, 2008, 07:22 PM
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I am so sorry you are having a difficult time. You are truly someone very special.You called this an episode, episodes pass, this is temporary - hard to imagine I know. I practice the One Day at a Time idea, (sometimes One Moment,1 Hour) I don't even plan tomorrow, let alone my future maybe this could help you also. Live in this moment.
Best wishes. 
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#5
Jan 28, 2008, 08:42 PM
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You have described what I have felt since going off some meds and getting new drs and all that...but pink you HAVE and ARE doing what I can only dream of...I truly suck at finishing anything. YOU can DO it!!!! Your dream is at hand...that is a ton of stress I bet. I get so afraid of accomplishing something I always sabatoge myself, and knowing doesnt always make it right or better...but hopefully you will get in and things will fall in place and this bump in the road will not be a roadblock..I send good thoughts and feelings.  melanie
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"The night racks my bones, and the pain that gnaws me knows no rest," laments Job (The Holy Bible: New Revised Standard Version, Job 30:17). |
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#6
Jan 28, 2008, 08:52 PM
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(((((((((((pinksoil))))))))))))))))))...you will be in my thoughts tonight.
Keep on keeping on......if you need some time, take it! |
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#7
Jan 28, 2008, 10:09 PM
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I hope seeing your pdoc helped. You have so much on your plate right now and so much of it emotionally charged. I hope you are able to take enough of a break to help you. In no way are you worthless and I am sorry you feel this way.
BB
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#8
Jan 29, 2008, 08:01 AM
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((((((((((((( pinksoil )))))))))))))
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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