[Humpty Dumpty]

Everyday I am depressed to some extent or another. Every day I am thinking about suicide. I am so tired of feeling this way. I don't have the courage to kill myself & I know better than to mention being suicidal to a "professional". So I'm stuck in this never ending loop. I'm on 3 different meds for depression and it seems like it helps but then other times..... I don't know how to explain it. I hate being dependent on meds but that's where I'm at. The only reason I am taking them and seeing a Dr is to keep my marriage.

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Actually, yours and my situations are quite similar. (I'll spare you the details.) I hope that, in some way, you will be able to find a path to at least some sort of peace in your life.

[Fuzzybear]

It's very very tiring I agree. I also feel depressed and suicidal

I wish I had the answers

I have no idea what in life (if anything) will make me want to be here and enjoy it

[CANDC]

I have also had severely depressed thoughts, but when I looked at them carefully, I saw they were only thoughts. They may seem to be my thoughts, but on the other hand they were just thoughts. The more I watched them, the more I saw I did not need to act on these thoughts. In fact they started to look like weather patterns, like clouds passing overhead. And after they passed there appeared more and different thoughts. If I did not clutch onto those thoughts or claim them as "My Thoughts", then they just seemed to drift away.

I don' t know the answer but I have discovered if I am patient thought patterns change. If I do things like exercise or taking a nap or something that supports me, the whole weather pattern can change. I want to find out how this movie ends, so I intend to stick around no matter how many clouds fill the skies.

[Pinny]

Im so sorry youre feeling this way @Humpty Dumpty

Thats a really rubbish way to feel and Im just so sorry that youre experiencing this

I was just wondering if you have or have had a therapist before?

What @CANDC said is very true about thoughts. They are only thoughts but it is very difficult to process them without owning them or laying claim to them inside your own mind.... if that makes sense?

A therapist can often help you work on challenging those negative thoughts, which really helped me when I have an episode.
Its takes time and patience (and hard work) but it might be something that could help?

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Humpty Dumpty

Everyday I am depressed to some extent or another. Every day I am thinking about suicide. I am so tired of feeling this way. I don't have the courage to kill myself & I know better than to mention being suicidal to a "professional". So I'm stuck in this never ending loop. I'm on 3 different meds for depression and it seems like it helps but then other times..... I don't know how to explain it. I hate being dependent on meds but that's where I'm at. The only reason I am taking them and seeing a Dr is to keep my marriage.

You are not alone. I feel like this all the time.

[Fuzzybear]

[CANDC]

@Pinny I agree takes time and patience. I feel like I am trying to calm down a kid taking a tantrum sometimes. I keep trying to find things that will distract them so they calm down. My inner child I guess.