Might be headed towards a suicidial depression

i can feel it clawing at my brain, i remember part of it from 2013

i had a memory from 2012 come back. in the memory i was

i remember a dog come running out of nowhere to bark at me, i froze in case the dog was going to be aggressive cause i think it was one of the breeds Mum taught me to be scared of cause some breeds of dog attack for fun, alsatians (spelling) for example, another example is staffies and pit bulls (pit bulls are illegal in the uk luckily,
the owner was there luckily and called the dog back

cause they was there if i'd tried to do a suicide that day it wouldnt of worked cause they would likely of called the police or ambulance or someone

i remembered that so vividly today and felt again all the emotions from that day, it was like i was back there

maybe the suicidial urges today was echos from that day, idk

Do you have a plan for how to cope with suicidal thoughts?

If you have, follow it (don't let you thoughts make you do anything stupid).

If you don't have such a plan, do this (I saw that you are English) :"What help can I get for depression UK?

Contact a GP as soon as possible if you're feeling suicidal or are in the crisis of depression. They'll be able to help you. If you cannot or do not want to contact a GP, call the Samaritans on 116 123 (the helpline is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year)."

The professionals don't give a flying crap though. Mental health services chuck me over to learning disabilities, who then chuck me back at mental health services, nobody seems to want to deal with both.

I not sure if today's a echo of 2012

idk

Are you feeling better? I have been going through weird experiences lately too.

Really anxious tonight