[lessthanzero]

Hi,
I'm new here, I just really needed to find some people who understand because so much of the world doesn't. I've been dealing with depression since my teenage years (I'm 39 now), I've seen therapists off and on and I see a psychiatrist regularly, she has me on a combination of Wellbutrin & Prozac, which have worked pretty well except for times like right now when, despite my best efforts, I am falling into a dark place again.

I got in trouble at work today because I called in sick the last two days. And I hate myself for doing it but I just didn't have it in me to get out of bed. Which is not really something you can tell the boss. He's the type who expects everyone to be there unless you're in a hospital bed. So being down in the dumps is not going to fly.

I'd like to say it's the first time it's happened but it seems to happen every few months (usually just for a day, not 2 days in a row). It probably doesn't help that it's a dull, dead-end job that I'm only staying with because it pays well. But now that I've been called out I'm terrified that I'm going to get fired because the day will come again when the alarm goes off and I just can't do it. I know, the simple answer is, just suck it up, get out of bed and don't call in sick any more. But it's just not that easy.

I guess I just wanted to vent and hope that someone out there understands that I'm not just a lazy ***** slacker, even though it very much looks that way on the outside. I had such great plans for my life, but never the energy or passion to carry them out. The person I am and the person I want to be are so very different, and it's so frustrating.

[(JD)]

Welcome to PC lessthan. Depression is a medical disorder, and you need to speak to someone in your human resource dept to see if it would be advantageous to "come out" about it, in efforts to keep from being fired.

Depression tells you lies, so don't believe it when it tries to say you are a slacker. Dealing with mental unwellness of any type is difficult, and working while doing so is doubly tough.

I would suggest that you promise yourself to at least go to work, and once there if you are unable to deal with it, then go home. Right now you have the limit set too close to the bed. Few people, even those who aren't depressed, could push through that as staying in bed on those types of days is all too inviting.

I'm glad you are taking med for this, but does your pdoc also have therapy sessions with you? It might do you good if you can stretch and continue with a psychologist and talk therapy. It not only might keep you from the downward cycling, but might allow you to get your head above water in this.

You've come to a good place in your life though, by coming to PC. TC

[nightbird]

hi!

I saw your post and thought of times in my life and circumstances, along with the particular job when having emotional stuff going on - where it was hard to go to work.

Finally, I got sick of struggling to go to a job that had too much pressure when I was going thru things, so I saught out a different job while I had the old, ball_n_chain job where I was barely hanging on.

There are jobs where you can help others (a way to help yourself), or school and work evenings to learn a new skill, whatever.

Top Hotels are fun places to work while you are going thru life adjustments, fyi.

Anyway. hope you handle what really is happening alright.

If it's ideas about careers or things like that, drop me an e-mail, I've been around the block and would be happy to share info.

Have a great week,
Peace
nightbird

[puckyjan56]

less than zero.....don't feel bad about work. I too had trouble at work. I would keep working until I just didn't show up because I was in the hosp. I did let everyone know that I worked closely w/that I was sick. Of course, unless you have depression no one will understand. I worked until I was 53 and just could not do it anymore. I applied for Soc Sec. It took me 2 years but I finally received it. Depression is an illness like anything else, we just don't have the back up we need in the courts. I'm w/you and understand. my love to you..puckyjan

[lessthanzero]

Thanks everyone for the kind replies. I am feeling better today. I forgot how much it really helps to talk to people who know what it's like.

Pucky, you're right, I've found that people who have never been through depression themselves just don't understand. They try to be nice and sympathetic, but in the back of their minds they are still thinking, "Why don't you just stop feeling sorry for yourself." Not because they're bad people, but they just don't get it.

Nightbird, I've thought so many times about changing jobs/careers. It's so easy to get complacent, my job actually pays very well for what I do, it's just not satisfying and it's a small, family-owned business, so there's always that drama going on. I always thought the worst situation would be having a low-paying dead-end job. But it's really having a good-paying dead-end job. At least with the former you can quit and know you have nowhere to go but up.

Sky, very good point about setting the limit too close to the bed. It's funny, when I actually have a cold or the flu or something like that, but I'm doing OK with the depression, I can always talk myself into at least getting up and getting to the shower and see how I feel from there. But one those really down days, it's almost like I'm paralyzed in the bed. Even rolling over to pick up the phone and call in is a phenomenal effort.

I'd love to "come out" at work, but as I mentioned before, I work for a very small company (< 10 people), and it is family run, so I don't have much in the way of an HR department to back me up. And the family attitude is, "we pay you well, so suck it up. " It may very well turn out that the best thing for me is to take a lower-paying job at a more supportive company (if there is such a thing) for the sake of my sanity.

Thanks again for all your replies, I look forward to talking to you all some more and maybe helping you out with a reply one day.