[shakes]

Ok I am mad...and I do not get mad very often. I finally got this job that I wanted and it is going alright..and I decided to keep my job at the mall for a little while for some spare cash. This leads to me working Mondays: 9-3 at one job and 6-10 at the other, Tuesday and Wednesday 2-8 (My DCF program with the kids are those days), Thursday 9-3 again and 6-10, and Friday 6-10. That does not include any extra weekend days either job might need me or the fact that I am on call sometimes to go work at the shelter.
So I casually mentioned to my mother that I might quit my mall job because I think it might be too much for me. She "informed" me that she works two jobs and if she can do it then I can do it and I will not quit that job because I need the money.
Granted she does work two jobs...because it was the only way for them to help me pay for school (which I never asked them to do and did not want). The reason she had to work two jobs is because her and my step dad stole my sister and I social security checks for 8 years after my father died (almost 350 dollars a month a piece). I never saw a dime of that money and it was never put in an account for me. When she was confronted she said "Yeah I used it..it is expensive to have kids and a house" Yeah no crap it!
Im sorry I am rambling and this has to be the longest post I have ever written here, but I feel like a worthless piece of crap. Nothing I do is ever good enough for that woman. My grades could have always been better..she is upset because I am never around...I should work more hours. I understand that she works two jobs...BUT I AM NOT HER! With my depression getting out of bed is a big enough feat sometimes...forget working 10 hours a day.
I am now rambling if anyone is still reading this ...thanks...

Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee

[dexter]

It may be true that you will never please her. She may be criticising thinking it is helpful information but I doubt that, more likely there is something about her personality making her so critical and therefore the events that provoke critism have nothing at all to do with what she is critisizing you for. It is a hard road but the goal is to please yourself and not anyone else.

As far as the "two jobs" comment that seems just hurtful and not at all grouned in reality. Whether a person can comfortably work two jobs depends on a lot of things... the hours of those two jobs and how well the shifts "mesh", how much stress each job generates, how much energy each job takes. Working two shifts at a bakery decorating cakes is going to be a different task than working two shifts at the DMV dealing with angry people all day. To make an across the board comparison makes no sense.

------------------------------------
--http://www.idexter.com

[gloria]

Jessica, this is your life, it's time to set your own rules. Mom's is an opinion, not a command, and it has as much value as you allow it to have.
In regards to the social security checks, you are going to hate me for this, but, if she used that money to raise you, well, I believe that is what is intended to. (sorry!), it is to assist the surviving parent to raise the surviving dependents.

Jessica, I really wish you healing, take a deep breath, separate issues, and stay strong. You are a super great person and help many here, I know I owe you a lot, you've been there for me at the most difficult moments for me, and I am going to be here for you too. But I am very honest, maybe too honest some times, and you will always know what I think. I much rather hurt you with the true than with lies, because those ones hurt more.

Lots of love to you, make your own choices, mom is no longer in comand, right? She is entitled to her opinion, but that is all it is.
The choice is yours .... (I personally think 10 hours a day is way too much!)

gab

[shakes]

Gloria,
I normally would agree with you about the Social Security checks, but her and my step dad were married for almost 6 years by the time my father died and the checks started coming. I was never angry either until someone once said to me "yeah raising kids is expensive and most people do not get a Social Security check for two of them each month." They used the money to go on vacation every couple of months and to buy new cars. The checks came in my name...therefore I feel that if we were not in a financial hole at this point (and we were not) then some of the money should have been put aside for me. They blew thousands of dollars that I never saw a penny of.
(((((Gloria)))))) You do not owe me anything. You have been there for me just as much as I for you. You are a wonderful and important person who always is there to help anyone who needs it.
I know that at this point mom should not be in command, but until I can get out of here she will still be on my case. I am going to try to make a really good effort to have what she says roll off of me.
I guess that is the best I can do for a few more months until I am out of here.

Thanks,
Jessica

"Take these chances. Place them in a box until a quieter time..." ~DMB

[shakes]

Dexter,
Yeah what she said really hurt me in hindsight. Neither one of my parents have ever accepted my depression. When I was diagnosed they told me to my face that there was something "wrong with me" and that I had to snap out of it. She thinks that because I do not talk to her about things that I am "cured" and they do not want to hear otherwise.
It is not that my job at the mall is stressful. The timing just sucks. I get out of one job at 3..have to drive all the way home and then come back out the same way for 6. It is more exhausting then anything else.

Hanging in there though,
Jessica

"Take these chances. Place them in a box until a quieter time..." ~DMB

[Wants2Fly]

Oh, yeah, the famous "snap out of it" response.

How many times have I heard that from my family. They don't mean harm -- but it is sooooo harmful. LIke telling an AIDs patient to just "shake it off." Like we wouldn't "snap out of" this hell if we could!