[somebodysomeday]

I hate how depression can trick you...and play games with your fragile mind. I thought I was better yesterday...and I thought I had recovered...I had a great day and I felt better than I had been in a long time...I understood that i'd been unwell...and I was remorseful for my behaviour but understanding I couldn't help it or mean it..my head was clear...but then today I woke up..and it's not that I felt the worst I've ever been..but I woke with the dark cloud of depression over me...my head full of fear and failure...and I was sad that I had been stupid enough to believe I was better. I feel a fool..my head is so messy with so many thoughts..and i don't know which ones to believe...AM I DETERIORATING? Im changing meds...and i've noticed im crying so many times throughout the day...???...and that i want to be by myself and just sit there doing nothing..again..and i hadn't been doing that...
i feel like i was improving..but overnight I feel like I've fallen...all coz i felt i was better yesterday..
does this sound so confused??
im rambling...

[nowheretorun]

no, it isnt rambling or confusing to me Somebody..

sounds exactly how i felt for most of my depresses years.. i worked so hard to remember the good feelings, to learn the good feelings, finding just one one day and it could uplift me a minute, sometimes hours... but next day.... flat again... fro the beginning.... over and over again...

big sigh..... guess id say those days were valuable anyway... cause, i trained myself to keep trying... thru all the confusion and barriers.. had to keep trying...

i hope you do too... things change cause if we try we do grow.... i think we all grow at different speeds tho.... depends on our unique experience, our unique need.... combined is our unique healing...

whatever the source of your pain is, the sooner you come into contact with it the better, imo...

its a scary place, some of us even 'blanked' it out.... maybe thats why the foggy feelings... blanks spots... entire zones of memories behind closed doors... the larger the zone, the larger the blank spot might be....

those memories need to be re-awakened imo... gently and lovingly..... start with love, and you will end there imo....

take care Somebody...

[BalishBun]

In any mental illness one day you can feel so good and the next day you wonder if the day before was just a teaser. Its a pain in the neck, that is for sure.

I agree with Balish, the uncertainty of it all is a pain in the neck! Do you take medication and/or see a therapist?

[somebodysomeday]

i take meds and am seeing a therapist for s.abuse...and that seems to be helping more than the meds...and i find it so hard to connect with ppl and if i do its really special...and i've connected with my thereapist in three sessions...and i trust her...its helping...the meds im not sure coz im crying a lot...and i still feel really low...but my head is clearer and i have more insight and i feel a little hope...so maybe they are working..but then they couldnt be coz it's only been a week and a half...so maybe it's therapy...either way im pretty confused right now...depression hurts so much and i hate it...and i wish i was strong enough never to have got it...but once u do it's a constant battle and fight that i want to give up on..but can't because my will to live is still strong...its just weighed down so heavily.....i have friends who care...and that pushes me on...keeps me fighting...i just want to heal and get better so badly...

[RozG]

((((((((somebodysomeday))))))))