Unsure

I try not to think about this too much. I mean I know how people view my bf and all...but it's kinda getting me down that I have this in my head...

Ok, my bf is completely and totally in love with me. I really don't know if I feel the same way. I like him and am physically attracted to him. He treats me really well, too. I've never been treated this good.

We have a ton of differences, though. He wants kids, I don't (we can't even conceive so that's ok with me). He has no interests and I have so many I can't contain myself! He's quite lazy, too. (He wakes up really late, sleeping 16+ hours a day, takes his meds, watches tv. I make him supper and then it's back to the tv for him.) He has schizoaffective disorder so he has trouble comprehending simple sentences/thoughts/ideas. He isn't careful at all. He has temper tantrums like a 3 year old.

And then the way were were raised are as different as day and night. I have always lived in poverty, him always living in wealth and having everything handed to him.

He is very affectionate...to a fault. Every second of the day that we're in the same general area he has to be hanging on me or something. He says "I love my Sweetpea" about every 5 minutes. It's quite irritating, too. He refuses to do anything without me unless he has to go to partial. It's a struggle to get him to do anything without me.

I am really struggling trying to get some "me" time. I actually beg him and make him go places without me because he's quite...annoying...at times.

I like him a lot. Don't get me wrong. But I don't know if I love him. What's it supposed to feel like???? I've been in love (as I know it to be) many times and it's never been this...emotionless...dull...suttle. We're comfortable together, but there's not that intensity or any feeling that if he wasn't in my life I'd be devastated. Does that mean I don't love him?

And to make matters worse, I don't really enjoy having sex with him. I mean I've never been one to like sex too much with guys in the first place, but if I'm aroused at all I'll leave him watching his tv in the livingroom and go into the bedroom and please myself without saying anything to him about it. Sure, sex with him feels good, but it's like I have no desire to be with anyone when I want to be pleased.

Is there supposed to be some intensity or some kind of urgency when you're in love? I thought it was supposed to be that way but I don't feel any of that with him.

What does that mean?

YES YES YES! I think you really know, but it's not easy to make such a definite decision, imo. Once you have known the flutter of the heart... the stirring of the soul... you don't ask "if" any more!

Keep him as a friend if you wish, we all need all the friends we can get... but if keeping him as your bf limits your looking for the right one, that would be sad.

TC!

I wouldn't like someone that clingy, either. I need my space, and there's no shame in that. I think you don't love him, but you care about him. That's how I feel about my bf, anyway, and our relationship isn't what I want, either.

Tell me if I'm wrong, but you'd like to move on, find someone who makes you feel good, both about yourself and him. You want someone you feel happy around and get excited about, whom you feel comfortable around, yet you each respect each other's space and take time apart. You share affection, but it's not fake or too sweet or overdone.

My bf has no interest in sex, which I do think is because of a lack of attraction to me, but also I believe him when he says his weight has led to him not having enough energy and stamina to do it. (I wouldn't mind if he showered more often, too.) I want to have a loving partner. However, you say you've always preferred to do it yourself? Some people are like that, because when you masturbate, you're not under any pressure, you don't have to worry about another person, and you know how to please yourself. So, don't feel too bad about that.

That excitement really comes with new love; after a while, you're not giddy and excited, but you settle into a happy comfort. But that doesn't mean you're not in love; it just means your relationship has matured, and you're comfortable with each other.

With me, every relationship I have ever had I had been so caught up in the other person. The thought or sight of them just made me giddy and excited beyond belief. And I couldn't stand to be away from them, but even a little time apart made it feel even better. Everything was intense...even the emotions.

I don't know how to feel if I'm not feeling that intensity. I don't know if I'm even feeling anything at all.

This last post, hon, might be the very answer you are seeking.

Being in LOVE means.... that you could not imagine your life without the other person in it.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -