[redneckdiva]

Hi all, I am praying someone has gone thru what I am. I have dealt with ADHD, depression & irritable bowel syndrome since the birth of my oldest daughter 10yrs ago, and after every baby, my depression has gotten worse. I dealt with it on my own & just put on a happy face & camoflauged it . When I felt I couldn't handle the depression anymore, I would go to the dr & get antidepressants.
Two & a half yrs ago, (Sept 06) I had to have a hysterectomy, I was depressed but not on anything, which was my own choice. I know dealing with my depression was worse & harder than before my hysterectomy.
I didn't get real bad till last Jan, So I was put on celexa , last year Jan 07 for depression & anxiety, and weened myself off in April to start a natural supplement, I thought the natural supplement was working but in July I started feeling the sadness & lonliness coming back and by the end of Aug I started getting to the level I am at now. I am a singer, I used to sing everynight after my kids would go to bed, even being depressed before & not being on antidepressants, it is what gave me peace.
In Oct, I started feeling like I was lost, in slow motion, my heart just feels broke, I am crying all the time, I can't fall asleep & If I do, I wake up a couple times a nite, I do not want to go anywhere or do anything, & if I didn't have kids to tend to, I would just lay in bed staring at the walls & if I have to go anywhere by myself, my heart just pounds & I get shaky & sweaty feeling all over. I did start drinking as well, which I know makes it worse, the sad thing is, it is (was) the only way I can pic up my microphone anymore and it helped me sleep. About 3x's a week I would take 3-4shots of jim beam. I stopped the drinking two weeks ago today, when my husband confronted me about it, I don't miss the drinking, I miss my singing but I can not do it, its like I lost it somehow.

But if I am not on an antidepressant I am depressed just not this bad cuz it gets worse during the winter season. I have horomone checks every yr, and the last one (march) has come back fine.
I went to the dr on Feb 14 on my receipt it says this "Major Depressive Affec. Disorder, Recurrence" & prescribed bupropion 150mg SR, generic wellbutrin & also told me to take one benedryl to help me sleep.
Ok so now, has anyone been where I am at?? Can anyone tell me what else I can do?

[Cthomas]

Hey,

Sorry youre having a tough time, however, i ve dealt with depression, add, and abuse as well as SI. Heres the thing that worked for me. I HAD to go to counseling. I just HAD to. do i want to? NOPE! but i have to. its what breathes live into me after the meds have started working.

Its taken a loooong time, and its starting to get better. I still have bad days (cough) yesterday but they arent as bad as they used to be.

Have you checked into therapy? I take the same meds as you by the way. it works.

Hope this helps

Colleen

[(JD)]

(((hugs)))) It does sound like you might need to consider and accept that you will need medication "for life." IMO

Please do stay on your medications, and work with the doctors in any changes. A good therapist who is used to working with chronic pain would be beneficial too.

It's common for medications to reach a peak efficacy level, even when dealing with "natural" chemicals. Don't feel like a failure in this, it's the way meds work or don't. Keep trying, it's worth it.

Hope you get back to singing and enjoying it soon!

[Doh2007]

I take meds for major depression. After I finally accepted that I would need meds for life, it actually got better. My advice is to keep asking for help until you feel better. A psychiatrist is a specialist in these kinds of meds. I recommend you go to one. My primary care physician thought he could prescribe the meds, but it took the psychiatrist's specialized knowledge to get the right combo. Oh, and be honest. If you don't feel better, tell the doctor.

Been there and got the T-Shirt...... 6 times.

You must go back to your dr and ask for a referal to see a therapist, also to go on meds and take them REGULAR. Life can and will return to normal but it will take time therapy and I believe meds, not self medicating with drink as that will only add to your depression.

Is there anyway your husband can go with you to the dr so he can hear just what a serious problem this is to you ?

Also stick with your routines with the children it will be of great help to you as it will stop you falling behind on things which again will add to your depression. On days it really bad cheat on meals and serve dinner on paper plates so no washing up, re-fold pjs dont wash them everyday. Cold dinners dont hurt once in a while ie sandwiches and fruit. Try to go shopping for food on your own get hubby to have the kids while you go once a week its far less stressfull going on your own.

On good days cook double the amount of dinner needed and freeze half to dish up on a bad day. if you can afford it pay for a child minder one afternoon a week for the kids so you can have some time for you .... ie bath, read mags, hairdressers etc.

If I think of anything else I used to do I will post it on here, best of luck and remember ENJOY YOUR CHILDREN. The house work wont hurt if its not done everyday.

[redneckdiva]

thanks so much to you all, I know i need therapy, but no insurance & only one income, & livin pay check to pay check!!! but if i ain't takin care of me no one will!!!
thanks again!!!
love & prayers

[mysteri]

Most cities of any size have community health centers that will provide counseling and meds management at reduced or no charge (based on income) I highly recommend you take a look into that. If it is necessary to go on Medicaid to get help, do that. You need to do it for yourself as well as your kids. They want that singing mother back too.