[BalishBun]

Sometimes I wonder if I have mild or brief experiences with depression. Most of the time I am a comedic fun loving positive person, but then when hubby and I fight, I seem to just get this feeling like it is the end of the world. Even if it is something that wont make or break our marraige it still crushes me that we are fighting. I know we have to communicate and everyone has to get the fight out of them once and awhile in a relationship but I wonder if I experience depression when we indeed do fight or if its just the ucky feeling of being in a fight.

[silver_queen]

Well you can be depressed in the casual sense of the word - as in feeling very down or dispirited - when you fight. But that isn't the same as clinical depression. I can't find the DSM-IV definition of it but it's a sustained feeling of sadness for two weeks or more along with other symptoms including lack of energy, unintentional weight loss, irritability, thoughts of self-harm, etc. Personally I think the two week period is too short a time... and besides it usually drags on much longer anyway.

I think it is natural for you to be very upset by the arguments, even if they're not major ones. Perhaps you could try working on the causes of the arguments? Or what is actually said during the arguments, because maybe your husband feels the same way or similar...

[Cyran0]

Balish, I want to add something since I know you have anxiety issues. Anxiety can wear you down and leave you in a state of depression. At least, this is how my therapist explains my clinically depressed periods.

That said, I think your reaction to relationship conflict is pretty natural and unfortunately is just part of being human.

Cyran0

[BalishBun]

darn those humanly feelings! But at least that explains to me a little more how people with actual depression feel: A whole heck of a lot worse than what I feel. They just need that much more love and affection

[freedom123]

I understand how you feel I remember when my parents would fight and my mom would start crying and even I would feel a little torn apart it is such a horrible feeling when the person you truly care about just can't understand what you feel.

[BalishBun]

And what makes it harder is when people have different ways of expressing their anger or sadness, sometimes you just cannot read them, and you get mixed reactions and you wonder if they are upset, or just being mean.

Yeah, I hate it when my husband and I fight also. I've been married 11 years. Are you able to communicate in a way that doesn't drag the fight out forever? Or do you play the passsive aggressive silent game that just drags the pain out until somebody finally gives in, you know what I mean? Take care.

[jbeise]

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BalishBun said:
And what makes it harder is when people have different ways of expressing their anger or sadness, sometimes you just cannot read them, and you get mixed reactions and you wonder if they are upset, or just being mean.

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I can relate to this esp. when my hubby raises his voice or gives me a certain tone of voice. I immediately turn it into a defensive on both our parts. I take his remarks to heart and I get hurt right away by how he reacts to certain circumstances. After nearly 5 yrs of marriage I still feel intimidated and put off by him sometimes but for the most he is a very loving and giving man. I do admit too that I play the silent act until he comes to me and wants to make up. I admit I get off on how he apologizes and wants to kiss and make up. I also tend to get the blues and feel close to wanting to end my life when I am on my period.
My depression was worse in my first marriage because I was so devasted when my husband told me he didn't want to have any kids with me and because I felt trapped in a unhappy marriage. My periods of depression aren't as severe as they were back then.