[Christina86]

So sick of crying myself to sleep lately. So sick of it. Anxiety attack and crying at 4am = Christina not sleeping.

Im so tired of this. I cant stop. Its getting worse. And there's nothing I can do about it, because its all in my head. If I was a better person, I could change the way I think and react... but not going to happen.

Just crying. Again. Anxiety attack, again. And nobody around.

[nowheretorun]

(((Christina)))))

while it is true no one may have been there 'right then' , you are always in my heart and thoughts... im praying for strength to come and sit with you and be your friend...

im not aware of your Doc or med situation Christina... with or without either, a strong hope and belief is required to make it thru some days...

you are never alone in Spirit... wishing all the best for you and kind goodness to come your way all of your days...

[Christina86]

(((((((nowheretorun))))))))))))))

Actually have an appt this afternoon to talk to my doc about a med change. Sigh.

Thank you very much my friend... I just hate nights like this past one.

But if you know why you're consistently upset... I wish I knew how to *stop* being upset at the same time.

[nowheretorun]

i use imagery Christina.. the tool that one uses doesnt always work for all tho... somedays i have just had to sit it out.... its tuff, i understand.. you have us at least hon.... glad to be here for one as kind as you...

[kebsfroggy]

((((( Christina )))))

As a frog of little brain I don't know which is worse feeling you have hit rock bottom or finding out you haven't

The tears never seem to stop. They are always there waiting for just one weak moment.

Believe me I do know how you feel. Wish I could give you some sage advice but I'm afraid I'm sinking in that same boat.

Talking with you doc about a change in meds sounds like a good idea. Sometimes just a slight change in dosage can work wonders, at least for a little while.

(((((christina)))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( Christina )))))))))))))

[jacq10]

(((((((Christina)))))

Changing the way you think and react has nothing to do with if you're a good person or not. I think that if it had to do with that, most people who are here would have no problems at all!

Changing your thinking patterns is SO so difficult. You get these schema's in your head (not you personally, but people in general), and once their formed it takes a lot of work and practice to try and expand them. Have you done CBT at all? If you haven't its definitely worth looking into, and if you have (or are currently doing it), just keep it up. It's not going to happen over night, and you just need to try and be patient and gentle with yourself.

And I know its hard... and lack of sleep combined with anxiety and depression... well thats one hell of a load. But it has nothing to do with the type of person you are... those things don't define you. Maybe right now they're a part of you... but I think one of the most important things to getting better (for lack of a better word), is accepting all the different parts of you. good and bad. Once you can accept that maybe you have some extra things to deal with, you can better address them, and you can work on changing those negative thinking patterns that trap a lot of us.

Sending you lots of

[Christina86]

Im too tired to respond to everyone right now, but thanks ((((((((((((((((everyone)))))))))))))))

Saw my T... not so good (in Psychotherapy).

My pdoc is upping my meds to 20mg (from 15) for about a month... then we see if its working. I lowered it because of anxiety... but if this helps my depression, i'll deal with the jumpiness.

To put it simply: School + abandonment issues + stress + sleep deprivation + anxiety + bad thoughts/distortions = Christina a basket case.

[shaggy76]

hi christina i understand a bit of what your talking about, although not as extreme but do understand. although you are there alone, you know that some of us are sailing the same boat as you, so what would you say to us when we're in that situation? or what kind of comfort would you offer? try to remember that we feel for you and i hope that things can smooth out for you. big hugs for you in times of distress.also hope the med situation helps at least untill you can get some strength

[BalishBun]

(((((((((((((((CHRISTINA86)))))))))))))))