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  #1  
Old Mar 07, 2008, 01:42 AM
its_me its_me is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2008
Location: TX
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I'm here and I'm not sure where I'm headed. I feel so lost and alone and the sad thing is... I KNOW I AM NOT LOST AND I'M NOT ALONE... So why do I feel that way? I just want to climb into bed, curl up, pull the covers up over my head and just disappear forever...

I'm so tired of the pain, I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of being afraid, and I'm tired of feeling as if nothing in this world really matters anymore. So, why can't I just let it all go and move on...?

I have spent probably 75% of my life or more in this state. You would think by know that I would have figured out that the magic wand just isn't there! But I can't help but want it. I want that magic wand circled above my head, give me a light tap and !! poof !! life is all better. Pretty silly, huh?

I have a husband of 21 years and 2 boys who all love me - and I still can't seem to get out of this depression. I feel like my entire life has been spent trying to "fix" me head.

Here come the tears... I'm sorry. I don't think this is going to work, maybe I'll try again another night.

KS

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  #2  
Old Mar 07, 2008, 08:55 AM
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Christina86 Christina86 is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 19,686
((((((((its_me))))))))))))

Sometimes our rational thoughts (not actually being lost and alone) are easily ignored by our depression or emotional self.

Is there anyone you can talk to? Have you told your doctor? I'm glad you've got a loving husband and sons. Please take care of you, you're important.
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  #3  
Old Mar 07, 2008, 09:27 AM
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Perna Perna is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289
I use books to help me. Books with magic wands to encourage. There are magic wands out there and I can hope and picture them for myself.

Have you talked to a therapist? You can feel better. I hope you continue to come and talk with us here. Having others in one's same boat is comforting.

{{{its me}}}
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"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius
  #4  
Old Mar 07, 2008, 10:39 AM
its_me its_me is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2008
Location: TX
Posts: 35
Thank-you for the words of support and encouragement.

I am currently taking meds (started a new one in January, still adjusting the dosage), I've been on meds for over 14 years and I hate relying on them. I also have a therapist who has been great and she is always available.

I feel sorry for my husband, because he has spent the past 21 years wondering what he will come home to... The 3 men in my life are why I am still here, that keeps me going. Maybe someday I will beable to live for myself...

KS
  #5  
Old Mar 07, 2008, 12:36 PM
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Cyran0 Cyran0 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2007
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,464
its_me, I know that feeling all too well. That horrible contrast between what I know is true and what I feel. It's hard, I hear you, and I hope you feel better soon.

Cyran0
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Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD (childhood physical/sexual abuse), history of drug abuse.

Meds: Zoloft, Lorazapam, Coffee, Cigarettes


"I may climb perhaps to no great heights, but I will climb alone." -Cyrano de Bergerac
  #6  
Old Mar 08, 2008, 02:20 AM
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BalishBun BalishBun is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,840
You dont have to be alone to feel alone, thats for sure.
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Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn's rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there, I did not die. R.I.P. Bandit 7-12-08 I love you I miss you.
  #7  
Old Mar 14, 2008, 12:23 PM
its_me its_me is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2008
Location: TX
Posts: 35
Just want to thank all of you who have responded. I haven't felt like participating even in these forums - guess I'm doing a good job of shutting myself off from the world - but I'm trying to bring myself back. I just wish - never mind, this is all so stupid...
  #8  
Old Mar 14, 2008, 02:44 PM
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Cyran0 Cyran0 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2007
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,464
Nope, not stupid at all. It's a struggle. Be strong and take little steps (like coming here to reach out to the world a little).

Be safe.

Cyran0
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My blog: http://cyran0.psychcentral.net/

Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD (childhood physical/sexual abuse), history of drug abuse.

Meds: Zoloft, Lorazapam, Coffee, Cigarettes


"I may climb perhaps to no great heights, but I will climb alone." -Cyrano de Bergerac
  #9  
Old Mar 14, 2008, 03:10 PM
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puckyjan56 puckyjan56 is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2007
Location: nc, usa
Posts: 334
it's me, like the other who have replied, i know how you feel. i've been on meds since 1988. when my body gets use to one we look for another. hang in there and keep posting. pj56
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Not sure where I'm headed...
  #10  
Old Mar 14, 2008, 04:13 PM
Doh2007 Doh2007 is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,383
Just wanted to add another voice, to say I care.
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