Not sure where I'm headed...

I'm here and I'm not sure where I'm headed. I feel so lost and alone and the sad thing is... I KNOW I AM NOT LOST AND I'M NOT ALONE... So why do I feel that way? I just want to climb into bed, curl up, pull the covers up over my head and just disappear forever...

I'm so tired of the pain, I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of being afraid, and I'm tired of feeling as if nothing in this world really matters anymore. So, why can't I just let it all go and move on...?

I have spent probably 75% of my life or more in this state. You would think by know that I would have figured out that the magic wand just isn't there! But I can't help but want it. I want that magic wand circled above my head, give me a light tap and !! poof !! life is all better. Pretty silly, huh?

I have a husband of 21 years and 2 boys who all love me - and I still can't seem to get out of this depression. I feel like my entire life has been spent trying to "fix" me head.

Here come the tears... I'm sorry. I don't think this is going to work, maybe I'll try again another night.

KS

((((((((its_me))))))))))))

Sometimes our rational thoughts (not actually being lost and alone) are easily ignored by our depression or emotional self.

Is there anyone you can talk to? Have you told your doctor? I'm glad you've got a loving husband and sons. Please take care of you, you're important.

I use books to help me. Books with magic wands to encourage. There are magic wands out there and I can hope and picture them for myself.

Have you talked to a therapist? You can feel better. I hope you continue to come and talk with us here. Having others in one's same boat is comforting.

{{{its me}}}

Thank-you for the words of support and encouragement.

I am currently taking meds (started a new one in January, still adjusting the dosage), I've been on meds for over 14 years and I hate relying on them. I also have a therapist who has been great and she is always available.

I feel sorry for my husband, because he has spent the past 21 years wondering what he will come home to... The 3 men in my life are why I am still here, that keeps me going. Maybe someday I will beable to live for myself...

KS

its_me, I know that feeling all too well. That horrible contrast between what I know is true and what I feel. It's hard, I hear you, and I hope you feel better soon.

Cyran0

You dont have to be alone to feel alone, thats for sure.

Just want to thank all of you who have responded. I haven't felt like participating even in these forums - guess I'm doing a good job of shutting myself off from the world - but I'm trying to bring myself back. I just wish - never mind, this is all so stupid...

Nope, not stupid at all. It's a struggle. Be strong and take little steps (like coming here to reach out to the world a little).

Be safe.

Cyran0

it's me, like the other who have replied, i know how you feel. i've been on meds since 1988. when my body gets use to one we look for another. hang in there and keep posting. pj56

Just wanted to add another voice, to say I care.