manic, hurting,angry crying

I am so sorry friends but tonight I'm having it all. I had to babysit my sons 3 children today and it's hard when you're depressed to stay w/three wild kids. I am so tired and cold. It is suppose to get down to 33 degrees tonight. I hate it. I hate everything, I'm flying so high right now, I feel like I'm in a rage. My daughter -in-law had to go to the ER because of a hernia. They sent her home w/pain pills. I told my son in secret to please don't let her getaddicted again. He got mad and said he didn't want to hear it. We had a terrible argument over it the last time and he said some terrible things to me and didn't speak to me for a month. i finally gave in and reached out to try and resolve the matter. Today is the 1st day I have stayed w/the kids since then. He drove my car and I (offered)but I have only one-eight of a tank and I have to go back to Greenville tomorrow to see my T. I'm out of money and my check doesn't come in until Wed. I'm eating weiners w/out the bun and cans of veggies. I've done it before so, then I get upset because I'm complaing about what I'm eating and there are starving children in this country, how dare I! I just want to tear up my apt. It needs cleaning but all I want to do is sleep and eat. My Mom is having health problems, i'm crazy and depressed and I feel like I am lashing out at everyone. I'm so sorry, I just don't how much more I can take. I so much want a happy life. I take care of everyone else except for me. When I cry I just want someone to hug me and say it's ok. You know, a human touch, maybe a small kiss or a pat on the arm, just to feel the warmth of another person not a cold apt that I have to clean or put gas in the car. I do get happy going to the grocery store just to buy ice cream and a pack of cookies. I'll eat it then cry because I ate the whole thing. I'm a little calmer now that I let out my emotions so I'm going back to the couch and watch some tv. thanks for listening, I love you all..........pj56

((((puckyjan56)))) I hope everything gets better soon

Hang in there! Sounds like you're having a rough day. Good for you for taking care of the kids, though. Being responsible through crises is a good way to feel better, even when it's crappy with a capital S. Don't feel bad about the starving kids, either, ok? First things first. You get better, then we'll tackle the starving kids. Won't do anyone any good otherwise.

Hugs and pleasant thoughts directed your way.

(((((((pj56))))))) -

We can pull through this... KS