[Cindypinkfairy]

Hi everyone, I'm Cindy

I am new to psych central and the reason I joined is because according to psych central it may be beneficial for me to be a part of some community therapy. Who knows. So, its been hard for me to find much on double depression and i've been wanting to write a research paper on it (actually its due tmrw-but anyone with any kind of depression knows how that is-no motivation). I am seeing a psychiatrist/therapist and she's great, I just hope she can help me overcome my issues (sexually assaulted as child of 4yrs-no penetration) or reinstate a "normal" set of mind into my life. By the way, I am taking the Lamyctal starter pack in the day and Seroquil at night, for my intrusive thoughts. I hope I don't scare anyone off, because of my openness, I've just said my story so many times to so many therapists, psychiatrists and ex-boyfriends, it gets easier every time.

I constantly feel like time is running out. Like my ovaries are going to disappear or something, before I have the chance to be successful in any career (haven't quite decided which-interior design? child psychology?). And I refuse to bring a child into this world without having the capability to give them everything they need in life to be successful both spiritually and worldly. Yet, I feel sooo handicapped! And thats exactly what I want to write my paper about-how people with depression and other such disorders may have a need for not only additional help in school (and work), but a plan of action. What I mean by plan of action is something beyond "accomodations" as they call it in many universities, which are hard to regulate. For example, I was allowed (I failed out of a modern ivy league university) extended time to turn in hmwk, excused absences, excused tardiness, and I think that was it. The problem is that its hard to regulate it, and i'm not particularly honest, especially when it comes to getting a good grade. Also, many of my professors refused to listen to the letter they received from me on behalf of the head of the accomodations department for people like me. And like i'm gonna fight anything, i'm depressed and feeling hopeless-me fighting for my accomodations was not going to happen. Especially when people like the director of freshman architecture (now director of the school of architecture) tells you that you basically have no place here. Hell, she told my best friend to "go back to Puerto Rico". Lucky for her she's not as sensitive as me and graduated, a year late, but she graduated! (From one of two of the toughest majors in the university!) There has to be another solution besides accomodations, didn't God supposedly put problems in my way so I could figure them out?

To prevent this introduction turned bibliography from getting any longer, I conclude with asking someone to get back to me, especially if they know something about double depression, or any plan of action for succeeding in school when you have depression. Especially for someone who won't settle on a mediocre education, or a mediocre life, not that theres anything wrong with that. sigh.

Thanks!

[nowheretorun]

hi Cindypinkfairy

i wont surprise me any if you find the friends you're looking for here at PC.. i hope its soon for you.. Depression is tough but it can be beaten...

i do understand the statement you made regarding mediocrity... i also refuse to consider myself as mediocre.... i feel many here are looking for more purpose and would love to join in and find out how we can all bring more meaning and feelings of satisfaction into our lives... some i think are at place where a calm day of mediocrity is better than some of whats past...

we are all at different stages tho and its a good group of people here... i like to say its the best on the net!

Welcome!

[bipolar_bear]

Welcome Cindypinkfairy. I hope that you find the site helpful as it has for so many people.

I hope you get some suggestions to working your way through school while working on your depression. I managed to graduate many years ago so take heart it can happen. It sounds like you are determined and hopefully soon you will be in a successful career and looking to start your family.

BB

Dear Cindy;

I am a single mom of two teenage sons. I am also just completing a degree (BA) in Social Sciences.

I understand your fears and I can relate to some of them. The parenting uncertainty...in this day and age, it is common for the fears of raising children. Timing seems to be a bigger concern for women than men and some of that pertains to corporate influence. Since women are still primarily the nurturers of the household, AND they want a career...the coporate world has shown us that childrearing and corporate ladders don't mix. We also have limited biological choices as to when to conceive, whereas men can conceive at any tiem in their adult life.

Economics comes in also. It is tougher to compete for the better paying jobs and the companies are looking for employees to do twice the work for lower pay. With student loans also being a major factor in our adult lvies, the expenses are very influential in making young adults think they have to choose career OR Children...but we can't afford both. Your fears are very understandable and you are not alone. After five years of university studies for me...I am going to a job interview for a coffee server...the very job I went to university to get away from. Employment is tough.

Dating has become more difficult because of the amount of time other responsibilities take from our schedules. Why wouldn't we worry about having a personal life? As a divorced woman who is now finished her degree, I am looking also. Everybody is busy.

Depression is understandable. I have suffered from it for years after divorce, legal battles with a deadbeat Dad my ex was and attending university as my children's academic needs also required my attention. You will be surprised how many others are experiencing this just like you are.

We have to take time for ourselves to tell ourselves of the good things we do and others have done for us. We are hit with so many negatives in life and constant criticism (even if it is constructive). We need to remind ourselves of the good things in life. Plan each day as it comes, and try to continue the search for what suits you best in life as it is. By all means...continue to discuss your fears and concerns with others, whether it is here, online, with family/friends, or a professional. The ability to expel our anxieties as we live through it is the best treatment.

Ignore the status of "normal" and stop comparing yourself to society's standards. We are all trying to live up to an expectation in our society that we cannot accomplish. If we compare ourselves to the challenges of every other person on this planet....we will discover that we all ARE normal. We all face challenges, we all have some sort of diagnosis or struggles that influence our performances, and we all have traits we like or dislike. I take medication for seizures. I was on Lamictal also. I was also on Tegretol, Mysoline, Dilantan, Phenobarbitol, valium, and so many others. I geuss you could say that being abnormal means being normal after all.

You are a fine person. You are intelligent. The conomy places undue stresses on our lives to produce and support more and more from our own limited resources. That would stress anybody. Give yourself a big hug, and tell yourself you will be fine as long as you try to keep everything on a semi-balanced schedule that is right for you. Whatever you can't accomplish right now...let it slide. We are forced by society to lvie our lvies as teh bureaucracy thinks we should. Schedules, timetables, and calendars. Let it go. It will happen soon enough. Don't elt society dictate your expectations to you.

[Psychotic_Phil]

Greetings Cindy,

I myself am depressed going through school (eighth grade) and find it difficult to cope. Most of the time, I feel as if I can learn and do whatever material they want me to learn and do on my own time outside of school. School usually serves as a means of stress. Like with the WASL for instance. Because of my sporadic attendance, I wasn't prepared, and when make up came, I refused to do it, nearly collapsing into tears. I had to leave school early today because I need to do work that I have that needs to be done outside of a school setting, which I just took a break from because my computer is getting funny.

That doesn't mean I'm happy though. I regard myself as filth usually, not fit to lick even the most moronic people's boots. Laziness has always been a factor, which led to my compulsive video game playing for fourteen years (I am now fourteen and have basically stopped) when I could have been doing something constructive, like cello which is now too late for me. I was still getting A's mostly though, until I broke down in seventh grade and had all of my hospitalizations. I passed seventh grade still, but it had repercussions on my mathematics abilities, which I now need a tutor for. Then they wonder why I'm so sad...

My plan of action is to seek out activities and knowledge along with the accommodation plan for this year. My parents won't allow it next year in high school. Hopefully when I'm in college I won't be shackled by this damned illness.

That's all for now...