[jbug]

I am having a very symptomatic day today. I think its cuz of that time of the month but its no fun none the less. Tonight is Rex's concert and I thought ok I can do this I can go out hear him sing and then come home. I got to the concert place and sat outside of the doors while they were rehearsing and got scared and left. I pulled Rex aside when the group came out to mingle with the crowd and told him I was leaving. I took his picture and have a program but couldn't make myself stay. I am very ashamed of myself...this is my best friend I should want to be where he is but not today. He is supposed to call me later. He asked what was wrong and I just said bad day and that since he wasn't my therapist (something he has told me in the past) he didn't get to hear about it. I know I was acting like a child but can't take it back now.

Jbug

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((jbug)))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( jbug ))))))))))))))

[jbug]

Thanks guys.

Jbug

[ziggy1]

((((JBUG))))) Sorry u had a hard time staying...maybe next time

u can bring someone else along to keep "YOU" Company.

Not sure just a suggestion????? Someone to help you along with

your bad day..??? I know we all have them....!

[Psychotic_Phil]

This reminds me of situations in school I've had recently. The first was when they asked me to make up my missing WASL tests which I cannot do being unprepared and having only sporadic attendance. The head teacher bugged me and I nearly broke down crying because of last Tuesday. (See my most recent post to know what that is) It ruined my class period and I thought possibly the whole day. I couldn't even enjoy Crime and Punishment anymore!

The second was when math came, i asked to be in the office because I'm embarrassed. (Because of either the illness or the medications, it impairs my ability to understand and do math, so I have to start from square one again while everyone else is learning everything) It was algebra equations and I was having lame brain syndrome. What really tore me apart is that I know all of this math but just have to do it again because of my malfunctioning brain. Even other math is becoming more puzzling, so I need a tutor now; me! Mr. Smart Guy! Then they wonder why I'm so moody...

Learn from your mistakes and grow from them. It isn't your fault, it's your damned depression. You go Daniel Plainview on that thing! (You have to see the end of There Will Be Blood to get that. See the whole thing, really is a masterpiece. Of course, those are bold words for someone who is being tossed around in the mud by his depression.)

Stay strong and vigilant JBug. I'm sure it will work out for you. Me, that's a different story all together...

[jbug]

Feeling a little better today. I went to work and stayed all morning even though after I got done with my part of the project I'm doing I wanted to leave I stayed. Still acting out somewhat and not really sure how to stop that action. I emailed my T over the weekend and haven't heard back from her yet so she must be busy. She doesn't work on Mondays so I had emailed her at home and the office. I will call tomorrow and tell them to have her check her email. I am going to go get my pills back from her hopefully tomorrow. I'm not going to do anything with them but I seem to function better when they are in the house. It's like I can control if I do something with them and that control has been taken away because I gave them to her and so my mind is trying to control another area of my life and its not working.

Jbug