Nothing seems to matter anymore...

I just don't feel like trying and trying to live matters anymore. It seems like too much trouble to keep trying, when nothing gets any better.
I've been severly depressed for aver a year, and i've been on anti-depressents for about a month now...
They helped a little, but I've gone off them without telling anyone.

I have no reason to get better, it seems like.

I've been cutting for almost a year now, and a couple days ago i crossed an "X" into my arm. Life seems too troublesome now. I don't want to live anymore.

I lost my love, My best friends live too far away, my counselor makes fun of me, my parents don't give a %#@&#! about me anymore...

i know this sounds like I just want attention, but I seriously need help and I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm afraid I won't be able to control myself next time...

Breakdown, i'm sorry you feel so helpless. is there anyone you can talk to, maybe a new T and Pdoc. I use to cut but have not done so in 3 years. Your T is a jerk for making fun of you. Try to take care of yourself and come to PC often if not everyday. ok? ........pj56........xxoo

((((((((((((((((((Breakdown))))))))))))))))))))
I am sorry that you are going through this right now, I wish I could say something to make you feel better.
It may be time to find a new T if yours is making fun of you.

(((((((((((((((breakdown)))))))))))))))))

please please take these words from someone who was in this position a year ago. I've been through hell and back, i don't cut, but i understand your pain and sorrow ..... i'm LIVING proof that it gets better, it's hard, it's painful but it gets better. There is no need to worry about wanting attention, we all do, we all crave loveand affection and understanding. you are entitled to crave these needs, entitled to crave attention, it is nothing to be ashamed of. Let us try to pick you up and please know we care. pm me anytime if you want to. i've been where you are and i understand completely. know it'sonly a cyber hug but i care and you matter toeveryone here ((((((((((((breakdown)))))))))))))))

love, hugs and understanding, Jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

-puckyjan56
no, my Dad won't let me see a new counselor... He thinks I'm lying when I say she's making fun of me... thanks though :] and i'm trying.

-gimmeice
thanks. and i know lol :]

-jinnyann
thanks for understanding... most people who are depressed but don't find relief through self-mutilation just think that i'm screwed up... so thank you. and i think i will pm you every now and then. and thanks ahaha *hugs back*
thank you so much

Ok... then you will eventually show the counselor how wrong they are for being so immature and making fun of you.. .perhaps they have other skills that you can take advantage of in the meantime? "Using" a counselor to help you heal is quite alright! Talk about your issues anyway... and cope the best way you can in the meantime.

Self harm is not the problem, btw... it's a coping mechanism (not the best one though.) You are trying to cope with issues that are difficult. The counselor can help you with that. Keep the self harm to yourself in the meantime...and share with us here. There are plenty here who understand you.