Would it matter?

Would it matter if I slipped again? Would it matter if I bled? Would it matter if I really really screwed up and threw 2 months of being SI free down the drain?

Screw up stupid not important and so %#@&#! sick of it.

I don't even have the will to do it - I just wish I did. Punishment needed and deserved. I deserve bad. Am so bad. Am so sorry so sorry sorry sorry. Christina is not a good person, not been there for others lately so self-absorbed and I know that's bad I just can't snap out of it.

I don't even know where this post goes... I don't know anything. Am not smart or nice or kind or useful all bad. Stress ucky evil people not so nice and nobody knows how much I wish I could just cut again. I need the pain. I need it.

Won't excuse it. I know its bad. Won't ask anyone to give me an excuse or forgive me if I do slip - because I don't deserve anyone's compassion.

Argh I hate this. So I might be SI free but still thinking about it. Is that bad? I think it might not be so good.

Canders, of course it matters, because we all know how much you must be hurting right now to make you want to cut. But, you also can't beat yourself up if it happens.

it's ok to be self absorbed once in a while, so please don't feel bad because you're not feeling up to helping others right now. you've helped myself and others on many occasions.

you've gone 2 months, and that's definitely something to be proud of. i don't see that as throwing it away, i see that as an accomplishment.

be kind to yourself, canders. you're a wonderful person.

(((((((((((((((((((((Christina)))))))))))))))) You are not bad and have helped many people here. Now it is time to heal yourself. Two months is an accomplishment. Please try and see how strong you are to have done that. I know right now you can't see all of the good and kindness in you. Just try and see that there are many out here who care for you and hope you find the strength to continue SI free. Know I am one of them. Take care.

(((((((((((((( Christina ))))))))))))))

Christina, it matters because YOU matter. You've done a great job going two months, just take it minute by minute if you have to.
I know how you feel, I'm at about my 2 month point. Some days it is just so hard, and I want to so bad, but I know I "can't". I promised my T, and I'm so afraid of losing her.
Please take care of yourself and know you are not alone in this struggle.
HUGS

Thanks so much (((((((((((((everyone))))))))))))))

I guess I was just in a grumpy mood earlier and was just venting. Didn't do anything I'll regret, so that's a good thing.

Much love to you all

((((((((((canders))))))))))

I'm glad you didn't do anything you regret.... I know the urges are very difficult to fight. Im proud of you!