[jacq10]

from the people that I care about

How do people get by living so far away from their loved ones? Or should I say, the people that I love anyhow.

I feel so lonely, and almost as though my relationships are all an illusion because they're pretty much non-existent, with the exception of a few short phone conversations

And I feel this way, yet i'm surrounded by the loving family that I'm staying with for the summer. My aunt and uncle love each other and their 3 little children so much that it makes my heart ache because they're all receiving so much love that they deserve. But there are time where I wish that I could take the place of the little girls, all cuddled up in bed in their mothers arms. Whispering sweet words of how much they love her and covering her with kisses. Watching that every day... its so beautiful, yet makes me so sad.

I'm so in need of comfort right now. The other night i tucked my little cousin into bed and left in tears (she didn't know) because she told me she loved me and held on to me tight.

Children are such loving creatures, and I only wish that innocence and love could be held onto better in adulthood. They know what they need, and their not ashamed to express when they need some tlc. I would never dream about being that open with someone... yet thats exactly what I need.

I miss my mom. I miss my old T. I miss my "mother figure", and my cousin, my aunt, and my best friend.

Why can't I embrace all the love that surrounds me every day, and not let my ego get in the way by turning it around on me - essentially making me more sad, and longing to have more?

I'm no longer motivated to help myself.. and i'm feeling stuck and depressed, but unable to express any of it.

I'm scared if I do, then I will be rejected by my aunt here.

Sorry for the long post... I don't really know where i'm going with any of this

[Christina86]

((((((((((Jacq)))))))))))

It hurts being away from those we love... heck, I was only gone for a month and I desperately missed my friends out here.

You do not have an ego problem my friend... it's simply natural, you want what they have. That's not ego. We all want people around us that give us almost (or complete) unconditional love and acceptance.

Can you ask your aunt for a hug on occassion? Maybe she's not sure how to act around you, and if she knows that you need some (positive) attention, that she'll be willing to do it? I'm sure she does love you.

I'm glad your little cousin told you that she loves you. Kids are so great for just instinctually knowing when we need someone to give us a hug.

(((((((((((((JACQ))))))))))))))) I'm sorry you're so far away from people who love you. I hope you manage to hold onto whatever good feelings you have right now, and make it through this. I know you can do this.

Breathe. Love ya

[nightbird]

it is difficult to be seperated from loved ones, it's true.

i relate to your feelings to a tee.

we have to remember the lesson of this little girl hugging you and showing her love -
and have moments like this when we are with our loved ones - in some fashion that doesn't overwhelm them.

i once hugged my grandfather so tight (a very prim and proper gentleman) and it made him uncomfortable for a minute ... but i never regretted showing my affection to him.

but i have in many other scenarios. i hope to get over myself when i see them again, (as i am far from home too) and let love inform me how to reach out to them, and feel their needs, and hopefully, they might reciprocate.

we all need love. and a few phone calls may be the best you can do right now.

have you thought about making cards, or finding the right one, and sending it home, with a love note. it might help you feel more connected. one year i filled everyones cards with different confetti, and did something else the next. this year i made cards with dried flowers. i'll drop postcards too. it's a way to communicate that i think they are well worth these extra efforts because they are special.

when we give others the very thing we need, it returns to us somehow. in the act itself or through the intent, our actions where love is concerned are honored, i believe.

anyway, thanks for your story.
i will remember the little girl hugging your neck tightly ... as there is a little child in all of us.

peace and love,
night

[nowheretorun]

(((Jacq)))))))

its so hard to be away from the ons who nourish us the most, who provide us with the comfort of feeling wanted, accepted, loved each day.. missing those that we can turn to in a moment for companionship and joy...

i wish you will pass thru this phase of your life quickly Jacq, i know there are greater and better things for you ahead for one who can feel so deeply, be touched so lovingly by what is seen around you..

give yourself patience and time Jacq, i know it is very hard now.. the greatest rewards are worth the wait... i am aways just a pm away if you need to...

you are not a burden to us in anyway, ive missed you and wondered how you are getting along.... sorry to hear things arent more pleasant for you now... the beauty you see is the beauty you can have.... dont give up ever hon...

sending you...

[puckyjan56]

Jacq.........you are close to love by the actions of your little cousin. take it all in, breathe it, wear it and rejoice in it. That is unconditional love. take care........pj56.........xxoo

[kebsfroggy]

I live a lifetime away from my entire family. I live in Florida, my oldest son and family live in Virginia, my youngest son and his bride live in Washington, my sister lives in Washington also and my parents live in Arizona.

Life is very lonely at times. You try to remember the good times. It sometimes takes away the loneliness for a short time. You are so disassociated with those directly around you. You might try this. . .

Try using hugs to get through the uncomfortable feelings you are having. Hugs are a magical tool. They can mean affection or just a simply a way of saying thank you. Remember for each hug you give, you get one in return.

Believe me when I say I feel "a lifetime away from those I care about."

(((( jacq10 ))))

(((((((((((((((jacq)))))))))))))))))))

oh hon I'm sosorry you are feeling this way. You have a little girl who loves you, I'mso sure if you asked your aunt for a cuddle, being the loving mum she is she would jump at the chance. There is nothing wrong in asking, she must know you are lonely..... takecomfort in the little girls and look after you, do things you enjoy and ask your aunt for a cuddle ..... you may be surprised ..... love and care and big cuddles, Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[jacq10]

Words cannot express how much hearing all of your comments meant to me. Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and giving me words of comfort to help me through mine.

I'm trying to gather up the courage to give my aunt a real hug. She's hugged me before, but it wasn't really a hug... she's not a really touchy feely person I guess you could say. But I suppose its worth a shot, she certainly has the capacity of showing love for her children anyhow.

Thank you all again, and huge hugs to everyone here (((((((((everyone)))))))))
Hopefully I'll have a more positive update later on tonight.

[Christina86]

I hope so too. ((((((((((Jacq))))))))))))

Miss you my friend.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( jacq ))))))))))))))

[jacq10]

I chickened out

awww honey, I'm sure your aunt would give you a big cuddle if she knew how you felt, maybe she doesn't want to smother you and is leaving it for you to go to her? Try again and tell her how you feel, you don't need to go through this alone.

wishing i could give you a big hug right now, Love Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[sabby]

(((((((((((((((((((((( jacq )))))))))))))))))))))))))

A virtual hug is all I can give you but please know it is meant with love, friendship and appreciation for who you are right now...no expectations or demands.....just YOU

[jacq10]

((((((((Jinny)))))))) I hope you're right... maybe she just doesn't want to "invade" my personal space.. after all, we didn't really know each other well before I moved up here.

(((((((((Sabby))))))))) A virtual hug is perfect. Thank you for being here and accepting me for who i am - something I need desperately to work on!

[nowheretorun]

((((Jacq)))))))

[Christina86]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
jacq10 said:
I chickened out

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Keep trying. You can do this.

Love ya

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( jacq )))))))))))))
safe love, acceptance and furry hugs (if ok)

[jacq10]

(((((((((nowheretorun))))))))) - as always, I love the huggy people

(((((((Christina)))))))) I'm getting there

(((((((((Fuzzy))))))))) - of course hugs are ok - they're always welcomed!