[kebsfroggy]

I just can't seem to make people understand that while I'm happy and joyous on the outside I feel ugly on the inside. That's right I said ugly. Yes ugly.

The activities that I use to enjoy are empty. I don't feel fulfilled or accomplished. Every step is such an effort. What happened to the enjoyment that use to be there.

This "vacation" that I'm suppose to be on is to make the people around me feel better. It's not what I want. I want to be dead.

My two sons are the most precious people in my life. I don't want to hurt them but they would be so much better of without me. They have their own lives and families that require their attention.

All the Drs. all the pain and no one can figure out what is happening. But that's ok because I can have some more pills.

The most beautiful thing in life right now would be to cuddle down among the blankets tonight and never wake again.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( froggy ))))))))))))))

((((((((((keb)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
KNow that both of your children love you

That all of us at pc care for you

I know you are hurting right now

Please try to know you matter to all of us here
and your family

Self care, breath, relax

and just know i care
muffy

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((( Kebsfroggy )))))))))))))))))

[nowheretorun]

(((Kebs)))))))) your sons sound very lucky to have you to care about them, im sure they care very much for you also... busy lives make it so hard these days... i hope we can all slow down a little and take time to enjoy more, it could make so much difference for us all i think and your sons would not be better off without you hon...

what types of things did you used to do that you enjoyed Kebs? maybe you can get back into some of them i hope

you are beautiful on the outside and in from what i can see

[Justgiving]

Hi dear one,

For 2 people, you are the most important person in their life. Very valuable.

Maybe the kind of enjoyment you had before is not now what is enjoyable to you because you need something new. Something completally different to be able to have this feeling of enjoyment again. Maybe you are at the end of a road and you need to turn towards a new horizon.

I care for you.

[katheryn]

((((((((((((kebs)))))))))))))))

i know that your boys will not be better of with out you,
they will star blaming themselves or each other and spend a lot of time wondering the what ifs

hopefully soon you willl find things that make you feel like life is worth living, it might be something diferant to what your used to

love kathy

[pachyderm]

I don't know you very well, but kebs, you have a very distinctive personality that you show here. You are yourself, different from anybody else. And I like it.

((((( Kebs )))))


I am sure your sons would not be better off without you.
You matter. You give great insight and advice and lots of people care about you. I'm very glad we've ha the opportunity to meet and talk. You're a special person and an interesting person. Everyone would miss you. I know it is hard but keep holding on.

[MotherMarcus]

Wish I could do more for you than just offer my shoulder. ((((((Froggy)))))

oh kebby((((((((((((((((((((((Love and hugs and care))))))))))))))))

I too wish i could offer you more than my ears and shoulders .... i hear you loud and clear my friend ... i know that feeling all too well ..... the feeling of being 'ugly' the feelings of making everyone else happy and neglecting yourself ... of wanting to be no longer here ....

My friend please know your 2 children would be so lost without you, they do have their lives yes, but you are a great big part of their lives, even if they are busy. You sound like you need some TLC to me .... the depression is lying to you and taking over ..... you are so valued, so loved and so wanted ..... please believe me. pm me anytime hon, here for you along with all your other friends (so many can't count em all) you ARE pc, loved and respected and needed here ....

big huggies to you, lots of love and care, Kerry xoxoxoxoxoxo





it will be alright Kebs please keep posting and reaching out to us here ..... love Kerry xx

[kebsfroggy]

Thank you all I appreciate all your kind words.

This supposed vacation is bringing me down. I can feel the sadness creeping in.

No, no you have to smile. Look like you are having fun.

Why does it have to hurt so much.

[stefano]

Dear K,
you know that my vision of things doesn't make it easy fro me to be positive. Moreover, while I can't be positive for myself, I feel hypocrite to some extent encouraging others. Anyway, people affected by depressione and other disorders are raelly nice people (although they may be irritating). And you are especially great. A WONDERFUL person. Definitely.
It has to hurt so much because the world is not fair, I'm afraid.
But if it didn't sound blasphemous, I'd say that I am thankful of depression for the chance to meet and fully understand a person like you.

[pachyderm]

> No, no you have to smile. Look like you are having fun.

NOT so. Not faking does not mean having to show anger or other offputting emotions to other people. It can just mean not showing fake emotions. You are afraid that if you do that, people will be upset, and maybe a lot of them will. So be it. It is better for your well-being to not fake what you do not feel.

(((((kebsfroggy)))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((( froggy ))))))))))))

[nowheretorun]

((kebsfroggy))))) hope this will pass quickly for you and you can soon return to your lily pad and enjoy some nice calming peace

[nightbird]

((((kebsfroggy))))

i look forward to your wise words when i come on this site.

you are a very valuable person to your family, and to many here.

i especially liked the posts to you - telling you they see 'your' beauty and intelligence and understanding, and responsible concern for others.

we don't always get this wrapped up in one person - but YOU are one of those people.

feel the love, froggy, and the care.

you are worth every moment of it!

peace and comfort,
night

(((((((keb)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
just wanted you to know I was thinking of you

[kebsfroggy]

I thank you all for your kindness. Your words of wisdom are taken very much to heart.

There is this emptiness, hollowness inside. As much as I try the sadness doesn't seem to lift.

My daughter-in-law is a crafts person and we enjoyed many hours of crafting together over the years. Now nothing. I see her enjoyment as she works with the different mediums and I just watch, feeling nothing. Enjoying nothing.

The pain, sadness consumes me allowing no happiness to shine through.

(((keb)))))))))))))))))))))))
I wish with all my heart I could make some of the pain go away.
So many times you have helped me just in little ways
that made a huge difference to me
So many times last year in games
you were the first to offer me kleenex
((TY)))
Sometimes you were the first to see I needed it.
You are a very specail person.
I hope you can find your way back alittle
to the sunshine
((((((((you really matter to me Keb))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Muffy

[nightbird]

((((kebsfroggy))))

I am so sorry you are feeling this sadness.

I have experienced emptiness ... it is scary.

I found out mine was the result of long-term loneliness.

Have you thought about joining a group - one that takes shopping trips or goes to a casino, theatre, and special landmark sites for even ballgames?

I'm thinking you already have your family around, but how about people for you to enjoy things unrelated to the day to day?

Just a thought.

Hope you are feeling lighter soon.

love and comfort,
night

[nowheretorun]

((Kebs)) i hear that there is no pleasure or enjoyment in your life.. what about coming to PC? is that something you enjoy occasionally? See if you can spend one minute (no more than that) doing one simple thing.. make a card for a friend or listen to the birds sing... just for one minute... each day... can you do that? sending hugs and love...

[nightbird]

then there is that gratitude journal thing.

you search your thoughts and feelings for 5 things you are grateful for
and write them down ...

only 5 things.
(at first, i had list a flower i picked, the birds i heard, the rain, the bookstore, it's amazing how i grasped for things to add up to 5, i was soooooo down.)

you do this every day, right.

then, what what happens -

i'll tell you now because i really want you to try it.

over the course of writing 5 things down everyday that you feel grateful for, you will find you have to select only 5, from so many things because you have had a shift in your thinking and attitude.

yup. gratitude changes the overall scene.

you will sense things you may have forgotten, or feel things you haven't in years ... there is more, but i'll let the transition be your own, if you should choose this assignment ... from your mission impossible team ... (;

love,
night

[kebsfroggy]

I really appreciate all your kindness.

I just feel totally worthless. It just the depression talking but it seems so true.

My family loves and cares for me but I don't return their emotions.

I just want out. No feelings of constant sadness, worthlessness, emptiness.
Just to make the pain of this world go away.

((((( Kebs )))))


It is just the depression talking, you're right there. If you were worthless, which you are far from, I wouldn't be typing this. You certainly matter greatly.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with all of those negative emotions. I know it is hard and I truly hope they ease up soon. I don't have any advice but remember you deserve good because you're a good person.

Take care.