I'm worried...

I am worried... sick.

I have too much to do.
Too little time.
I can't deal well with stress.
My brain feels like it's exploding.
My health is going down the tubes.
My personality and mood is not my own... it's chemically dependent because of the ADs.

Ever feel like your entire life is a farce?
I feel like that sometimes.
I'm trying very hard to make positive changes.
I keep running into brick walls.
Brick walls make me want to bang my head.
Banging my head leads to other SI.
So can't do that then...

Too many changes.
I never did cope well with change actually.

I feel like I'm drowning actually.
But what happens if what's happening is within your control and you choose to do nothing?
What happens if nothing is within your control to change?

I have control issues. No, clarifying... I just have ISSUES.

I feel like a basket case.

Stress does this to me. But it won't get better, it will get worse. But I brought it upon myself. I choose to volunteer. I choose to help others before myself.

Self-care needed, but not done.

I have one positive constant in my life... my rats. But they also cause me stress because I worry about anything and everything...

Attack of Christina's brain on the rest of her system!

Ack.

This is the typical university student experience, yes?

I want OFF. I want a BREAK.

Vacillating between hating my life and loving how it's getting better. Slowly, but it is... I think. I feel better. I can cope better... but still not enough.

I have a headache. I grit my teeth. I eat poorly. Don't get enough proper sleep. Drink too much caffeine. Eat too much sugar. Hygiene... I realized I haven't washed my hair in 2-3 days. Not a lot... but noticeable.

I have too many responsibilities. But if you're a doormat and accept everything people throw at you to do... you do it, right? Not pass it on to someone else?

I am officially my own worst enemy.

I'm also getting reallllllllllly good at complaining again. I wonder if I ever stopped.

Yes, change is very difficult, I struggle with that also. Good or bad, it's hard to handle.

But Christina, I see someone here who has made such progress in a relatively short time. You are more able to say how you feel now and it really is ok to do that.

I think it would be helpful for you to have a think on what would help to take some of the pressure off, just for now. Maybe, take an hour off or two from the voluteering to go and do something just for you. Make it something that is a real treat, like a reward so that you are not feeling like life is nothing but work.

Hugs ((((((((((((( Christina ))))))))))))))

Stress does that to me too.

Any way to make the stress a little bit less? Keep trying to make positive changes, eventually it may well work. Take time for yourself, do what you need to do for you.

(((((Christina)))))
I hear all your struggles and I am so sorry things are so hard for you right now.

But in the midst of all the struggle, this sentence really stuck out to me:

You said you're "loving how [life] is getting better. Slowly, but it is... I think. I feel better. I can cope better."

How wonderful that is - all your struggle is not in vain. Hang on to that one sentence - that one positive thing. You are trying hard and making progress - you can do it. It will never be perfect but just do the best you can.


ktgirl

I completely forgot what I was going to say
.....how about this

Did you read my future in your crystal ball......No I'm older I got here first.

If I look back to where I started in 2005, I guess I've made great strides (T words not mine). However when I turn to look at the future, nothing but. . .

Stress, decisions, brick walls....never ending chaos.

As a frog of little brain, I have no answers. I'm not even sure I know what the questions are. I find myself constantly running but not towards, always away.

Do just one small thing (like get out of your pjs) everyday. The next day you may even get dressed....etc, etc. Sometimes it helps, at least for awhile.

Try to find some small amount of time for yourself......that is probably the hardest to do and most fulfilling when achieved.

((((( Christina )))))

Hugs x

You're exactly correct. Change is extremely difficult.

You are having to cope with a lot. I think you need to put yourself in front of others for a change - stop helping others and help yourself.

There is no doubt that there is a lot of stress building up with you.

I hope you feel better soon xX.Xx.xX.Xx

I agree with the other posters, take care of yourself for a change. You might like it and will help you feel at ease and calmers. Stress is a mighty enemy to fight. Thanks for your help to me, I will help you in anyway.........pj56.........xxoo