Introduction...

Hello. I've read a few of the posts on here and have been encouraged and entertained by what I've read.

I was diagnosed with depression almost 10 years ago now (dealing with it my entire life). Prozac has been a very big help (a lifesaver, actually), but lately, I'm feeling very depressed again. I just don't care about anything.

I wouldn't say I'm suicidal or thinking about ways to hurt myself. I'm just bored, bored, bored with life.

And I hope this is the right place to post this. I know there are many people with more serious depression or other conditions, so I hate to detract from them. But, I would like to talk to others in my situation -- and to be honest, I'm tired of going to a therapist. It seems like an expensive, temporary solution for me.

Anyone else in the same boat?

Hello Fearless -- Welcome to the forums. You've come to the right place. There are many interesting forum groups here, including some for diversion, if you're feeling bored. And don't overlook chat as a place to hang out and meet some really neat people and talk in real time.

It sounds like you may have "prozac poop-out" and need a meds check. There are many other good, or even better, products available.

I don't know about therapy being a waste of time. I have needed the support and have had some really helpful and caring counselors. Perhaps you need to shake that up a bit and try someone new.

Do you have enough energy right now to shake up your boredom by tackling some new interest?

I look forward to hearing more from you.

Thanks for the reply, Wants2Fly..

After a little thought, I'm not sure what I expect to gain from posting on here. Do I just want to rant and share my boredom / anger / depression with anyone willing to listen? How lucky for them!

I look at my depression and I recognize it for what it is, but with any intellectual (pseudo- or otherwise) observations, I come to the conclusion that depression and hopelessness are the only rational responses for the world as it is.

Then I try to convince myself that this is simply the depression talking but I'm not so sure. Even when I'm feeling okay and even good, I still believe life is essentially meaningless and no amount of mood altering substance or therapy is going to change that fact.

I have thought of the 'finding a new interest' angle, but what do you do when absolutely nothing interests you? It's a catch-22.

My sister died almost two years ago and that was (and still is) a tough thing to deal with, but I believe I have dealt with the grief for the most part. Near the 1 year anniversary of her death, I fell into a deep depression, went to the therapist, and upped my meds, which seemed to pull me out of the deep.

But, the meaningless of life still remains -- I've just worked out ways of coping with it. Not 'fixing' it, just living with it.

"Woe is me... I am woe..." kind of a thing I say to myself to tell myself to shut up and quit complaining. I could be in a myriad of worse situations. From most outside appearances, I'm doing great; a job / salary many people would love to have, good friends (who even put up with my bouts of reclusiveness), a supportive (for the most part), loving family, interesting hobbies (when I actually partake), fun travels, etc., etc., ad nauseum.

Yet, I find myself becoming more and more of a recluse. Leaving the house only to go to work and to do the most basic necessary things. I can think of nothing interesting to do to cause me to leave the house. Not returning phone calls of friends... what's the point? I've got nothing interesting to talk about and whatever they have to talk about won't interest me... Drinking probably too much just because it makes me feel slightly differently... Not even planning any upcoming trips...

I got a puppy 4 months ago to give me another reason to get out of the house, but I've managed to minimize that benefit as much as possible. (not to the point of neglect, mind you). She's a great dog and does stir up feelings in me of love, but it's a dog, dammit, not the love of my life!

So, I'm rambling, making no sense. But that's all I know to do right now. Thanks for listening!

Hi fearlessRich,

Welcome to the boards, and a good screen name too.

Lots of familiar stuff in your post. Reading between the lines I can feel an existential crisis in there. It's only a guess, but when I was in the trough I took up studying philosophy and it has been a lifelong comfort to see how the story unfolds.

Agree with Wants2Fly about the prozac and the therapy. But I'm going out on a limb here - It feels like there is something you want, and that's a healthy sign.

Best advice? Stay with us and share. It's good medicine.

Good thoughts to you, Myzen

Hi, and thanks!

Yeah, my whole life is one big existential crisis! Probably as a result of too many books and philosophy classes But, I haven't pursued that avenue of study in years and perhaps it is time to.

The screen name describes something I really like about myself.. being fearless. But, I'm beginning to think my fearlessness just comes from not feeling much.... so it may not be such a good thing...

And there is something I want. A better world. But since that's out of the question, I need to find something more attainable.

I find myself getting angry at the total selfishness I see in others. From the way they drive, to how they treat others, to their work ethic, etc. I strive to live my life in a way that I believe is right, but don't see that much in others. Wants2Fly pointed out that I put a negative spin on things... bingo. But, those people who only see the positive, excluding reality, in my opinion, make me want to vomit. There is a lot of negative in the world and in others' behaviors. At times I do try to see the positive, but I always seem to get pulled back to the dark side!

So today I self prescribed a maximum dose of the Prozac. That's what my therapist would try first, so I'm going to give it a shot. I'll alternate that every few days with my regular dose and give that a few weeks. If there is no change, I'll call the therapist and start that up again...

Thanks again, everyone.

Hmm, am I sure I didn't write this as fearless? Sounds like I could have, he he. the lack of caring and becoming a recluse is probably depression, I am still working on that. The realization that the world is harsh is just having your eyes wide open. The way I try to deal with that is by how I live. I can be kind and curtious and make a difference in a day or a life. I love that I have that power. A smile, waving someone out infront of me in traffic, sharing their baby story, (love babies). Little things or big things, it's the human connection that matters most. And the critters, I am happy you have a dog. I talk to my critters and feel like I am gifted by them. It doesn't make it all better but it's pretty darned cool to be able to put love out there when there is so much crap.

I can identify with the though of nothing is interesting - I don't care about anything. This forum and my emails are the only things I check on daily (plus one friend going through a depression on her own and which keeps me alive). If it weren't for my friend I would have died two weeks ago, - but she needs me now as her only support system. But otherwise life is nothing, I wish, daily, I could just die (not suicide) but so far just wishing does not make it so. Therapy is critical to survival as are meds and it sounds like new meds may be in order. I have only been on Lexapro for 3 weeks and am hoping it increases by interest in life once it gets in my system.

Hello Mars -- I have been thinking about this idea of friends and meaning in life. It is turning up in various threads recently.

About 20 years, I used to visit a minister's wife for spiritual and emotional counseling. I am pleased to say that she is still a spiritual mentor. One day I whined, "But I only have 3 friends."

She said, "Are these very good friends?"

Oh, yes, we've been friends for many, many years. I can count on them through thick and thin.

She said, "Then you have something that many people don't. Some people may appear to have many friends, but these are just acquaintanceships."

That taught me to really value the close friendships that I have. Whether it is one good friends who keeps you alive, or 3, that is indeed something worth living for. A blessing. As is the unconditional love of our pets.

Depression is such a miserable stinkin' disease. It sucks the joy right out of everything good thing in our lives. It turns white to black and pink to mud. If Depression was a human being, I would vote for the death penalty for it. In fact, I would probably be in favor of a long, slow, highly tortured death for it, just like it has subjected me and so many others to.

Thanks for sharing, Mars.

Hi. As I read your message, I suddenly felt like I was reading a story about myself. I am dealing with post-partum depression and my Paxil just doesn't seem to help anymore. I can barely drag myself out of bed each day, and refuse to leave the house unless I absolutely have to. I am also dealing with some pretty bad relationship issues as well. I can relate to how you are feeling. If you ever need to talk, I'm there for you. Stay strong.