Lost

I am a 19 year old female. I am constantly in need of reassurement. I think have the avoidence disorder where I try to avoid social situations. The closest friend I ahve is my bf and he'not even that close to me. I'm not at all close with my parents. I guessI feel that people cause too much stress for me. I'd rather love st one persona dn give them my all then have a whole bunch of people to love.

I'm afraid to tell my bf of my avoidence behaviour. One thing is that I like big groups so that not all the attention is on me. I can just hide away and listen to people. I also find that being with my bf I can hangout with his friends and they like me because I'm my bf's girlfriend. But I can never become close with people one on one.I keep them far from me and just let them see my outside. I guess I have a fear of rejection. I think I am a boring person and that no one could ever love me for me. So I let one person get to know me over time at a slow pace....

My mother had few friends as did my dad. My mother had an alcoholic father and my dad's parents thik very low of my father. They wish they never had him for a child. This is why I don't have grandparents. My parents try to be the best parents they can be, but they can only do so much.

I was always teased at school when I was in elementary school. I was seen as a geek. I was jsut different and my mother being strong catholic, would not allow me to join in some activities the otherkids did, such as clothing, tv shows, get togethers and such. Right now I finished my first year of college and I ahve a part time job. I'm scared that I won't be good enought my job though. I work so hard and try my best and it's never good enough. I feel I have no one to talk to about it...My parents are judgemental and I can't jjust tell them my feelings or my prob lems, because they analyse them, they never jsut listen and let me talk...I'm scared to tell my bf of my problems because I think he'll think I'm weird. I jsut want someone to isten to me. My brother won't talk to me becuase of family issues that have gone on...we're fighting with each other. My sister lives far from me, and she's 20 years older than I am. I live on my own and this makes it more difficult to make friends...I'm a hard worker and a good person. I don't do drugs, drink, and I go to church, get good grades, but I still feel lost, and am afraid I'll screw up jsut like my sister who lives on welfare and my brother who lives with his manipulative gf...

hey i can relate to how u feel. I feel i have avoidant disorder too. alot of things u said i feel the same way. I never let anyone in or close to me. I hate big groups although because im so shy that people forget im there and then i feel pointless.

I was also teased all through elementary and middle school which probably lead me to, what i think, is Avoidant PD.

sometimes i wish i wasnt like this...but sometimes i am glad i am...cause i keep my guard up and it saves me from alot of hurt.
If u ever need to talk, feel free to PM me, id be more than glad to talk to you

Welcome to PC.

It sounds like you're going through a lot currently. You say you're currently in college right? Have you thought about talking to a counsellor/therapist through your college (usually through health services)?

Dealing with family stresses and personal stresses on top of being a student is hard, I know. Please take care of yourself, and continue to reach out for support (at least here).

hey
thanks for your reply. It was sincere and very much appreciated.

Yes, it is nice to keep certain people out who might hurt you emotionally or physically. I just learned how to become closer to my bf. (met him on the internet because it's hard for me to become close to people.) I told him about my problems at work and fmaily problems, and now he is starting to finally understand my depression. He tries to make me feel better and suggests ways in which I can fix my problems.

why don't you tell me a little more about yourself

my name is Nicole by the way

We are here: Sannah and myself will listen, as non-judgementally as humanly possble, and provide the best feedback and support that we can. Don't worry about your BF or your sister or your parents...focus on you. Easier said than done, but the only way out...and it is easier than it sounds!

Hi Myo, I remember liking large groups so that I wouldn't stand out. I have also kept people at a distance. I found that I had to work on my self-worth, social skills, empowerment, and my personal boundaries. I did this work with a therapist. It helped a lot. Good suggestion for you to look into therapy at your university. I got a lot of free therapy while I was a student and it was very helpful.