[Shaymus]

Im kind of angry as i write this so keep that in mind. So i made another attempt and once i got out of critical care the psychologist spent 10 minutes with me and from that conversation apparently he was able to know that i should be held for 72 hours + he went and got the ball rolling on the commitment process. Im not sure if he did that cause he thought i should be commited to long term inpatient at a state hospital or if he wanted it as leverage to make me agree to do the stuff i have to do now. Day treatment, random ua's, seeing therapist 1/week and a case worker. If i dont follow thru they can still try to commit me so i have to. Im always pissed when i might be being manipulated and having to do what they want cause the fear of what they are using is much to great to risk being stubborn about. I guess i dont really have a question i just needed to complain and whine

(((((Shaymus)))))

I am so sorry that you have been through all of this. It must have been terrible, every bit of it. It stinks when our so called choices don't feel like choices at all, doesn't it? Please take good care of yourself and post here often. And maybe spend some extra time petting those sweet, silly kitties of yours.

[lenjan]

Gee, Shaymus, it sounds like he's trying to protect you until you're out of danger. How mean and awful of him.

72-hour holds are standard procedure on suicide attempts. They're not doing anything special just for you.

Candy

[Shaymus]

Lol im not complaining too much about the 72 hour hold. I understand that, got to have people be safe or whatever. Its them trying to commit me that pisses me off hardcore. Manipulating me to their will instead of trying to talk to me like a human.

[cat_eye]

((((shaymus)))))

[bren]

Don't you just love the "Go, or we will make you go. <font color="purple"> </font> " choice they give you. Always go on your own though, because you have more options on release that way.

Take care
bren

[wisewoman]

Shay, I know that you are in trouble and I am concerned for you. I also know how crappy it is to feel powerless, like we have no choices. I wish I knew what to say to you to help. I am here, I care, and I believe you need intensive help right now that you can trust. That said, maybe that is how you can take control? You can find the therapist best suited to you and do research and have ideas about what might be helpful for you. The U.A.s are for weed yes? May

[wisewoman]

sORRY Shay, my keyboard locked on me. I was saying maybe that's a place where you can start taking control? I don't really know what the day treatment is like but maybe it will be a good thing. I should have learned by now that when you are absent you are in trouble. I told you I am available and I mean it. I am sorry for your pain.

[Shaymus]

Yep weed it is, and i can quit that very easily and plan to. I refuse to give them any ammo to lock me away long term. I will jump thru their ridiculous hoops and hopefully i will soon have my freedom from even their silly adult day care err i mean day treatment. I think im just going to use my anger to get thru all this mess til i can be me again and have the freedom i long for.

[wisewoman]

Shay, you posted to respond to me but you DID NOT respond to (me). I really am concerned for you and I want you to reach out to us here. You are frightened about losing control in your life and I get that. I would like to hear how you are feeling? Angry? Yes, scared? dangerous? Like rolling over and playing dead? I care.

[Shaymus]

Yes yes yes yes yes. Can i be all those things and frustrated too? The worst part about this is my social worker told me that id definately be committed if there ever was a next time. So now im extremely confused on what i should do or how i get past this. So now i have no weed to relax, no anxiety pills cause "id just use them like the pot" and i cant just take pills as id mess it up like i always do. So what is left? To use my anger i guess to get by til i get done with the hoops.

[wisewoman]

My friend, you can get through this. Start thinking about what you need to feel healthy. What do you need to feel better? You will get through. Do you realy feel that dying is your only option? I really hope you still believe enough in life to keep plugging away and feel better. My thoughts are with you. Be safe please,

[Shaymus]

Im feeling much stronger today. I think i needed some sleep as the last two days in the hospital i got very little sleep. The second to last day i was finding out if i had to go to court for the commitment hearing or not and the last day i didnt get much cause i was getting out 4 hours after waking up. The trazodone whupped my butt last night and i felt much better when i woke up.