It started good

Oh I did so well today, except for the whole going to sleep on the couch for an hour and half today before my meeting. But no tears. Of course, I did get a 7:22 a.m. message from S., though, so that helped. I did great throughout the meeting, presented my information,took notes on what other reports the doctors wanted (I work for doctors). Then after the meeting I start checking my email and other places he would send me a message. None. Little bit of panic/depression sets in, but nothing Krispy Kreme and a dietCoke won't help (of course, now I feel like a cow because I ate two donuts!). I get home start checking all the places again and he's posted a couple times on the sports forum we message each at, but no message. Now I'm agitated and snapping at my girls (ok, when my straight A 11th grader can't spell ensemble or distribute, it's irritating). Everything is irritating me. I am trying not to cry. My other daughter has a karate demo tonight that I have to be ok for. I cannot start crying. Except telling myself that is not working. Everything is so loud right now, even the stupid squirrel in my wall (yes, we have a squirrel that lives in our wall/attic). There's so many places this could be posted: here, self-esteem (because why am I not good enough for him to know it's right this time), eating disorders (because I want to comfort eat but the thought of eating disgusts me, but I feel better while I eat, until I'm done then I am disgusted again), and I don't know what else but I want the volume in the world to turn down and the tears to stop.

((((cantstopcrying)))) sometimes tears work wonders... I find that the holding back of tears can hurt more.
Is there any time in your day that you can take an hour, half an hour, even 5 minutes to do something you want to do? Is there anything that relaxes you? Maybe reading, drawing, taking a bath, doing yoga, sit listening to soothing music, shopping, a walk?
Please don't dwell on not receiving messages... focusing on the negative means allowing only negative things to happen. Try (and I do know it's hard) to think of positive things and positive things can happen.

Hope your feeling better soon, take care
Molly

((((((((((((( cantstopcrying ))))))))))))))
:Heart:

Thank you both. I made it through the karate demo (she did so good and had a new form to surprise me with!), get home and check again. Nothing. So then I check here and thank you thank you thank you because I'm trying not to dwell and if I can keep my mind occupied, I won't check my email for him again the rest of the night. Yeah right. I'm trying to think of something positive but arrrgghhh. My other daughter keeps mentioning things from her day and I'm trying so hard not to let it irritate me. At least the volume has gone done--things don't seem so loud. I'm babbling, sorry. Thank you guys!

There are so many reasons why he might not have emailed you today. Don't automatically assume it is because you are not good enough, or any other negative thoughts. I know it's hard but you have to try to stay positive and not let someone else's actions affect you in such a negative way. I know, I'm a hypocrite but thats the best advice I have.

I actually went to the web site to see if he messaged me yet, then thought I would come back here first, and here was your post. Thank you very much. S and I have so much history and ... I was going to explain (babble) some stuff, but a tear just fell and if I don't stop crying now I'll be crying all night (which I'm sure I will after the kids go to bed!). Anyway, thank you. I closed the browser I had opened so I won't check it. Thank you.

Sometimes it is good to cry cause it helps get out some of those bad feelings. If you feel up to it ever you could PM me and tell me a little more background info and I could try to give you some more advice, if you want.

Thank you. You may be sorry. I babble sometimes! Thank you very much.

Babbling is fine with me! =]

I suck. Just posted a good night message. I tried not to but it was harder not to than to just give in and admit I suck. Aren't we supposed to get smarter with age? I'm 39 and still suck!:Sinking:

You don't suck, silly.