[bigtex1]

About me. 47 years old Married with a 7 years old daughter that I cant really play with like she would like. I have highly cyclical depression. It is a true roller coaster.

1200 Mg's Lithium
200 Mg's Lamictal
30 Mg's Cymbalta
80 Mg Propanalol - For hand shaking. If I didnt take it I look like I have parkinsons.
20 Mg Synthroid
40 Mg lipitor

This is a lot to take, but it is about the only thing that we could find that works somewhat good.

I could do a lot with that much $$ each month. I attempted suicide once. I failed obviously. Wish I hadnt failed. I am old and morbidly obese. I hurt consistently everyday. I have a bad back that I have had surgery on once and now get a steroid shot once every 6 months to lessen the pain. I had a cancer issue a while back wish the results had been positive and I had died. I am tired and I dont want to be here anymore. IT is a chore to get up. My body is worn out and so am I....

[bipolar_bear]

Welcome to PC. I am sorry you have so much to contend with. I am glad you found us and hope that you get the support you are looking for.

BB

[multipixie9]

I'm sorry you feel so badly. I used to feel much the same with loads of depression and physical pain issues. Things are much better for me now, I didn't think they could get better but they DID get better. I am glad now that I never succeeded in destroying my life and hurting my family. I hope things get better soon for you as well!!!

Leslie and Her Pixies

[missboots]

bigtex1, Hello welcome I am 38yrs old with a 4 1/2 yr old son and 18 month old daughter. I to need to play. I do love to though. I suffer from PTSD memories of my very abusive childhood. I just know that I never want my kids to experience a bad childhood. So that means I need to put aside my feelings and do whats right for them. I am sure you do this. But it is so hard when you are not feeling well. Hugs!

[bigtex1]

Originally Posted by missboots

bigtex1, Hello welcome I am 38yrs old with a 4 1/2 yr old son and 18 month old daughter. I to need to play. I do love to though. I suffer from PTSD memories of my very abusive childhood. I just know that I never want my kids to experience a bad childhood. So that means I need to put aside my feelings and do whats right for them. I am sure you do this. But it is so hard when you are not feeling well. Hugs!

My wife will tell you that she experiences the bad side of me , but my daughter seldom does. The only time she sees it is when the depression hits the sad side. It can come out either sad or angry and irritable. My daughter can see it when I am sad. I worry that she will become an enabler because when that happens she wants to fix me. She wants to love on me.

I am a big " routine " person. During the week I have my routine of getting up, shower, dress, take meds. The weekends get here and the routine is usually gone and I will miss the meds sometimes. If I miss one / two days the meds are gone from my system. And I am back to being a sad sack or a royal ahole. I hate that feeling. My family deserves better.

[Sannah]

Hi BigTex, I am sorry that you are feeling so bad. One of the best things that I found for my mental health was to get up and take control of my life. It really helps you to feel better and plus you get results. If a person runs into difficulties, however, it is not helpful to interpret it as a failure. What it really is, is an obstacle course and you just have to figure out how you are going to get around the obstacle.

[bigtex1]

It seems like most of us , if not all , had some trauma in our childhood. I wonder if I had not had the mental and emotional abuse as a child would I be in the mental shape I am now ?

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by bigtex1

It seems like most of us , if not all , had some trauma in our childhood. I wonder if I had not had the mental and emotional abuse as a child would I be in the mental shape I am now ?

I think that without that type of past that you would be in better shape now. You can heal from this and have a better life but it requires focus and work.