I hate this time of day!!

Once again I've been doing good all day. My spirits were up quite high, my reports I'm working on for work have been turning out, I've been joking and laughing with people here at work. Then, about an hour again I was entering info into Excel and I just started crying. Then I looked around at my desk and can't even see my desk and I'm supposed to stay this evening and talk with the doctor and I hear he's in a bad mood so my heart starts beating faster and my leg starts bouncing and the dread sets in. Then I check my email (cuz it's almost time for S to go home) and he sends me such a nice email I start bawling and I'm happy he did but so sad that we can't be together and sad about all the other stuff that goes along with it and I just hate this time of day. And somehow my lovely brain makes a jump to worrying about money (or trying to remember what that is because I don't have any) and then it jumps to the negatives about me and gets stuck. Why don't brains ever get stuck on the positives?? And I am in a lot of pain today. I feel selfish because I know a lot of you are struggling with much worse and some want just a minute of happiness, while I selfishly want to make it through a whole day without crying and now this makes me cry more because I'm selfish and I'm typing so fast and crying and I can't see anymore. sorry.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((cantstopcrying)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry you are struggling so much right now. There really is no "worse" or less pain. Please try not to add to your negative thoughts from the depression to feeling selfish. It just isn't true.

I know how overwhelming such big subjects as money can be. Especially when it never seems you have enough. Maybe when you feel yourself sinking into these negative thoughts you can consiciously try and change them to all your postive points. I know that is so hard but you are recognizing that you are turning things negative so maybe you can make this change.

I hope this pattern at work lessens and your pain becomes more tolerable. I am glad you reached out here.

BB

(((((((((((((( cantstopcrying ))))))))))))))

You are not being selfish, we all have times like that, those IBSC (iddy biddy s#*tty committee) the evil thoughts come through and stops our good thinking. Get away from your desk, try telling yourself, I am good, I'm doing great work and I can do anything I want. Also try some music if you can that might help you think of good things, write some of the I can's down and look at them everytime you start feeling bad.

I am letting go of all that is holding me back from spiritual progress today. My path is becoming easier and easier as I open myself to faith and trust.

Good luck with your meeting tonight with your doctor, remember it's nothing you have done if he is in the bad mood, he is just feeling stress himself.

Keep posting and remember you are doing a great job and there is nothing you can't do, and if things don't get done today well there is tomorrow.

Hugs