Looking for some guidance...

This isn't actually about me.

It's about my ex-boyfriend. He is a junior in high school, upper middle class, white, and he has depression. He also has ADHD (as do I, actually) and is attending a private school geared for students with these kinds of learning disabilities.
We're in quite a bit of a rut in terms of our relationship, and I don't believe that can be salvaged. I made a mistake that I imagine is pretty common. I thought that if I loved him enough, he'd love himself. But anyways, we've just broken up again and have been fighting pretty heatedly over email for about two weeks.
Today he wrote me a poem telling me how worthless and helpless and hopeless he felt. It also said he did not want to tell his family any more about it because he didn't want to hurt them anymore, and that I should not bother trying to help him.
I'm going to get in touch with his mom Thursday (I'm flying home from college tomorrow.) He has quite a bit of history...
I'm just wondering...I know I didn't go too in depth about who he is and whatnot, but is there anything I can tell him in the meantime that won't sound completely trite?
TIA.

Here, let me be more specific. Is there anything you personally remember saying or having someone say to you that didn't feel like empty words? That was just a little bit more believable and meaningful?

LOL Thanks for understanding my misunderstanding.

Well, is he a good person, does he have a "good heart", does he have friends, classmates that like him? What does his teachers think of him, does he always do the best he can? Those kinds of basics for your comments of encouragement...even if he isn't that person right now, because of the problems, it would be good to reassure him of his capability. If his disorders tell him lies (he's worthless etc)then the only way to counteract those lies is truth. Short and sweet not big involved reponses. It's the repetition to the truth that will seep in, not the convincing part.

Did I read somewhere that you are separating? That is tough for someone any time it happens. Perhaps you are "outgrowing" him, and struggling yourself, feeling some guilt (though you don't have to be), wanting the best for him - and for you? There is no fault for "moving on."

I think talking with his mother could be a good thing. She is still responsible for him, and he needs someone around him to advocate for him if he is unable to.

You might email him this or another of the thousands of online groups. I look around me here, so to speak, at how many of us maximize our connectedness to a larger group of souls than we would otherwise maintain. He might find it's one more outlet/input exchange that helps him with perspective.

It probably is awkward trying to maintain the clarity of "ex" status while he feels so bad, and you have to be ok yourself. It's always one or the other of the "ex's" feels somehow worse about it than the other, but the other isn't automatically immune to feeling bad either.

Your sweet to care and be so kind.

Dear Barefoot--

Welcome to the forums. You have already received some loving, insightful answers. I hope you will keep coming back, and that you will invite your bf to come here for support as well. I cannot overstate how the repetition of good advice I've received here helped me to take steps to lighten my depression.

It can be very challenging to maintain any kind of relationship once people move, whether in young, middle or old adulthood. The saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder does not seem to be true in many cases.

You are exploring a new life in college, and he is still back home in high school. This is very, very rough for him, with or without depression. Talking to his mother sounds like a good idea, as does offering statements of truth that counteract the distortions that depression tells us about our lack of worth.

You are being a good friend, and I think you can be proud of yourself for going about helping your friend so systematically and insightfully.

Best wishes for resolving this in the best interests of everyone.