in need of some guidance.

i am starting therapy again. My new thearpist is really into treating DID. she kind of specilizes in it. she insists that i have it because my handwriting changes. also because i have a history of a*use and alot of mental health dx from other theraists and nothing has really helped. she wanted me to write down and ask if there was anyone inside what wanted to talk to her on a note pad. i did what she asked and felt uncomfortable..... I am not sure what to do. Does anyone have any suggesstions? Plus i have not been sleeping and have been having some flash backs. but they do not make sense to me. then today there was a fire drill at school and i paniced. the flashing light and the nose bothered me. and then last week there as an assignment in class were you had to watch these flashes on the screen and see what changed. it was kind hypnotic and i had to look away. a proffesor took my hand and guided me out the door and then walked me to the library. I am really scared and nervous in thearpy. the thearpist asked if i wanted to know there memories i said only if they are good ones. She hasn't seen any "alters" yet and i am so scared. she dx me with ptsd/DID depression and anorexia. Is there any advice out there for me. is this all part of it or what? i have no idea whats going on. for the first time in my life i am actually nervous about therapy.

Welcome to the DID Forum,

Glad that you are in therapy and finding supprt IRL. I hope you are reassured that you have a therapist who is experienced with DID, and that she knows the treatment stages involved, and will pace the therapy accordingly.

Let us know how we can support you, we do what we can when we are able ourself(s)...be gentle with yourself during the process..its being safe inside out..and outside in...

Eva

if your therapist knows memories of yours that you do not then she has already been talking to you while you were experiencing memory pieces (otherwise known as alters, parts,and fragments). memories get separated and stored at the unconscious level of thinking because those memories are too traumatic (upsetting and so on) for the person to handle. You told your therapist that you did not want to know any of the memories unless they are good ones so she had no choice but to say she has not met any alters yet. If you tell her you are ready to know then most likely she will tell you "who" told her what memory.

as for the sitting down and writing that is one of the first steps of working on your DID problems after working on grounding, breathing and relaxation techniques. they do the grounding, breathing and relaxation type things first so that when you start working on the harder stuff you have the "tools" you need to take care of yourself and keep yourself grounded when finding out about your separated pieces of memories.

Another word for sitting down and writing what you are hearing - the auditory (words and sounds) memories and what you are seeing (flashbacks) at the same time is called communicating - (you are listening and writing down things). Listening to what you are hearing is also the beginning steps to becoming co conscious (remaining aware while you remember things.

Yea it feels weird the first few times that you listen to what you are hearing and write it down but it will get easier.

Depression and anerexia are physical problems that happen to have a mental thing where the person feels sad and feels they are fat.

It can be a part of DID in that you may have at some time in your life been depressed and or anerexic and because of the abuse you went through the memories from that got separated and stored in your unconscious level of thinking so that you now when not aware act out memories of being sad and or anerexic.

Many people with DID can and do also have depression but it isnt limited to just DID people.

But having depression and anerexia happens without having DID. There are many people that don't have DID but have Depression and or are anerexic.

My therapist told me today that she can "offically " dx me DID. i lost time in her office and she was telling me about the alter. she said because i dont like kids its going to make it harder for me. she also told me what she was like and stuff. Iam freaking out and was in shock. I am exhausted because i can't sleep and then stuff. she said i was happier when i walked in to her office then when i left. I want to SI now. I keep telling my self she did not see anything.

(((((((((((((safe hugs))))))))))))))

Yea I know. on the one side its great knowing what is wrong because now things can be fixed but on the other end learning about those memories sure is rotten (to put it nicely).

Hang in there.

hi
i was just wondering how long you guys been dx DID? I am having a really hard time. today i was going to OD . I dont know exactly what happend but i found my self walking around campus an hour late for class. then in my back pack i found a peice of paper with a note. i gave the pills to DR. rice. laura. then there was a note under neith saying i ahve the pills and please call me or Deb (therapist) to let us know how you are. then he said Laura was a good girl. i went to my room after and the pills are gone. i really hope i just misplaced them. and that this is not happening. I dont know what to do. thigns are screwed up. then wed. i found my self reading in the lib. and i went to think of what i had to do and i looked at my watch and it was 2:25 pm. i have violin lessons in five min. i did not know it was wed. until i looked at my watch. then today i woke up and waiting to go to breakfast with somene and they did nto show. i couldn't think of what day it was. they did not come because we go to breakfast mwf not t or th. when Therapist told me i am offically dx DID and i lost time in her office i was so upset. i coud nto get warm afterwards and i went and cut.
I am definatly making things worse then they are but i really want all of this to be over with.

I think this is a good thing that your T is a specialist and isn't upset at all by finding another aspect of yourself hidden away...and that part of you feeling comfortable with talking with the T, too!

I'm sorry you are distressed and scared. Please realize that singletons also have "parts" of themselves...the difference being we have the continuity of time... where you "lose" time when a part of you does something (and you don't.) Our inner children come out...but we know we are just acting "silly" and allowing it. The lack of control might be part of what is scaring you.

Don't be afraid of any other aspect of yourself...it's an indication that you suffered something you couldn't handle by yourself at the time, and that you have used a marvelous coping response to get through it. Also, don't be afraid of the memories... they can't hurt you now, and often our brains don't store the memories totally correctly.

I think it was a good idea, also, to write. Pick up a nice journal/diary (since it sounds like your other might be younger?) and encourage writing in it...you too! Be sure that nothing that is written will 'get you into trouble" nor your other part... that way you will learn more and more easily.

I think having a T who understands you is one of the best "things" you could find!!! Be sure to share your upset..perhaps the end of each session could be spent on her assuring you all is well?

Stick around, there are many ways to cope and compensate for normal symptoms of DID (such as losing time.) Once you have an understanding...things will settle for you some, imo. Take care of yourself.

I was diagnosed through a psychiatrist who I went through a comprehensive psychological evaluation with supplemental tests for Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD is what DID used to be called back in 1989 when I was diagnosed.)

Hang in there ok. there is a saying in the therapy world - things get worse before they get better. That doesn't mean you are acutally getting worse. What that means is that the client feels like they are getting worse but in actuality they are getting better because they are no longer ingoring their problems. They can now see all the problems that have been going on all the time when they were ignoring them.

You are not alone in feeling cold. I go through the same thing as a matter of fact I spend alot of my time these days getting in and out of the bath tub because sitting in a warm - hot bath and then wrapping up in a comforter right after the bath is the only way I have found to warm me back up. Sometimes I even fill 2 liter soda bottles with hot water and place them inside the comforrter at my feet to add to the time that I stay warm.

Since your therapist says you have officially been diagnosed with DID then look around your house and see if you can find the paper with the test results on it. on the last page there is an area where the diagnostic professional writes out the recommended therapy plans and so on. That should help you in taking care of yourself and your DID.

If your therapist is saying that you are "officially diagnosed" as DID theres only one way she can do that in the USA and that is if she is a state licensed psychiatrist or state licensed psychologists with a comprehensive Psychological Evaluation with specific tests for DID like the DES, DDIS and others. This is a nation wide criteria for "offical" diagnostic procedures set down by the American Psychiatric Association ( the branch of mental health that oversees nation wide rules of ethics and rights for practicing in the field of psychiatry, psychology and therapy.

Those are the only people qualified in the USA to make "Official" diagnoses of things like DID,Schizophrenia, bipolar Disorder, Borderline personality disorder and so on.

Things like depression and PTSD can be diagnosed by a therapist and or medical doctor but for the major mental disorders like DID only a psychatrist with a comprehensive psytchological evaluation.

If you have not had the diagnostic testing then you have not been "officially" diagnosed with DID. your and or ANY therapist can say in her OPINION she THINKS you and or any client MAY have DID and treat you for it. but unless she is a licensed psychiatrist or psychiatrist and gives you a comprehensive psychological evaluation with DID testing she cannot legally officially diagnose you as being DID.

If you want the official diagnosis ask her to refer you to a psychiatrist for testing. You can find SOME of the tests and procedure for "official" diagnosis in my blog. To get there click on - Blogs at the top of the page. lately that has been bringing me right into the members blog area. then click on my most recent entry - I think the entry I wrote last night is called human behavor.

right now that first members blog page is messing up squishing everyones entries in with everyone so don't get too upset when trying to find my recent entry when the recent entries don't make senss. Just look for the title - Human Behavior or for my blog name - Me Myself and I and click on either of those.

That will bring you to my blog. Click on my letter head and that will bring up a page where along the right side you will see a bunch of links in blue. Click on - blog index and you will find all my entries in my blog. You will find my experiences with having DID, my therapy for DID and my research that I have done on my own and with the help of one of my therapists here in my blog.

The one with the diagnostic process if I remember right is called - how is DID diagnosed?.

hang in there.

<font color="green"> Hello Confused,

It is great to hear that you have a therapist who spedializes in DID. It can be a tricky subject, as you've personally learned over the last week, and should be tackled by someone who is a specialist, in my opinion.

I've been diagnosed for two years. I thought what I was going through was normal to everyone but learned it wasn't.

Have you told your therapist about the SI and the S** note with the pills you found? I have an alter that feels much the same way and they are able to communicate with my therapist via e-mail and phone calls instead of doing the permanent thing.

It is hard at first and very difficult to accept the diagnosis, at least that's how I felt. In fact, it took me over a year. It's confusing and scary and upsetting. But, it does get better. The best thing I found was journaling, each alter being able to write their feelings so they didn't keep internalizing - but talk to your therapist about it. You might not be ready. I also found being as honest and open with my therapist, no matter how hard, was the best course because then they were better able to help me through the tough parts, which still happen. But they are there and we are here for support.

You are not alone.

Anne </font>

Hi confused, it's nice to meet you. That's awesome that you have a t who specializes in DID. Mine does as well and it's been really helpful for me to have someone who understands what's going on for me and knows how to help. I can't imagine going this alone. Good luck to you as you continue on your journey to healing.

i am going to go see a psychiatrist on the 19th of this month. to make the dx offical. The theapist thinks that i need to talk to the psychiatirst about medication to because i can't sleep and i have problems with PTSD symptoms and depression. i do journal but not as much as i use to. I dont have time. I am trying to go to college full time and i am failing some of my tests . i also struggle with a learning disability. even though i am getting help from the student with disability services. I have tutors and note takes for all of my classes. plus i am going to start meeting with the proffessor before the test to review.
does anyone get nervous and scared of people dressed in costums? or things like statue of things like on halloween. becaus ei have been like that ever since i can remember but i dont know why. I also Hate kids.. i dont know why that is either. I know it is aweful to hate someone espeically kids and i wish i didn't . i evoyed them by going down different iles in the store.
I am upset about failing and am not sure what else i can do . i pretty much live in the libarary. i am glad when this semester is over. i am so stressed out... i have talked to my therapist about it. she suggest keep trying it is only the begining of the sememster.

Costums and Halloween stuff definately.

Hi. I am new to this site and I am confused as well! Can anyone give me some adivce on how to cope with a subperson. that gets me in trouble with people because of inappropriate behavior? I was diagnosed back in Dec/2005, but just now am starting to recognize at least two subprsnlty.

I am sorry that I am not much help here but wanted to welcome you. Welcome to PC! I am sure that you will find many people here that can give you some insight.

Just being here and having discovered this website is monumental. I have felt so alone. People tend to rally around those with physical diseases (like cancer), but if there be anything mentally off, they back away. Some people even blame the person that was abused for being abused! The attitude I've sometimes encountered was "You don't need psychotherapy, you just need more will power." Being powerless over one's thought process and behavior is very frightening. Also, there are no "quick fixes" or pills that will make our minds suddenly O.K. Thank you so much for welcoming me. I feel very safe here.

Glo123 -

When I am off floating in la la land and acting from the memory piece "Margo" I tend to get into troubles sometimes too. The way that I handle is recognizing when I know that I start feeling far away and floaty like. That right there is the first thing to when I start dissociating. When I start feeling floaty and far away ( Its kind of like being in a tunnel and looking through binocculars at the wrong end.) then I do a quick check in with myself to see what I am feeling if I am starting to feel mad I know for sure that if I continue to float down my tunnel and into la la land I have no control of what is going to happen because I have not acchieved the ability to be co conscious (aware) while the "margo" memories are replaying. So I use what control I do have in the tunnel of looking around and noticing things - furniture, objects, people, the conversation and looking for the reason I am starting to get mad. If I cant quickly locate that trigger (what is making me mad) I stop the situation by excusing myself to go to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom I get into a stall and put on my headphone and turn on my wakeman that has relaxing music or a relaxation visualization recording made by my therapist and I. I also push my feet against the floor and pay attention to trying to feel the pressure with my feet, touch the stall walls, toilet paper, my back pack and things in my backpack paying attention to the different textures, coldness and so on until I am fully aware again paying attention to what all of my 5 senses are telling me. Because I am fully aware again and not dissociated into my tunnel and or la la land then I can't as "Margo" get into trouble. Then I go on with my day. and do the same thing over again when I again start feeling floaty and far away.

Since you "now am starting to recognize at least two subprsnlty." and you know "of inappropriate behavior" you can now use grounding techniques to control your inappropriate behaviour by controling your dissociation reactions when in situations that make you feel like you want to get away and instead of mentally daydreaming (dissociating) yourself out of the situations that make you feel upset you can physically walk out of the situation by excusing yourself to the bathroom, "Ill call you later", "Lets make an appointment to talk about this later I am late for an appointment, to pick up the kids...." and so on.

also talk with your therapist and he/she will probably have more idea of how you can use grounding and relaxation techniques to prevent the acting out of memories that contain inappropiate behaviors.

you can find more about my experiences with having DID, my research about DID and my therapy experiences for my DID in my blog called - Me, Myself and I.

To get to the blogs click - Blogs - at the top of this page.
On the page that comes up along the left side you will see the words - get your own - click on that and you are now in the members blog area.

Then click on my blog name - Me myself and I - or my recent entry. Last nights entry is called Art Therapy.

Once in my blog if you don't see some blue links along the right side clicking on my letterhead will bring up my main blog page and the blue links.

Click on the link that says - blog index. This is a list of all my blog entries, so you can pick and choose which one you want to read. Some of my experiences may fit and help you and other stuff might not, feel free to take what you can use and pass on the rest, also feel free to print off things to take to your therapy professional so that that person can help you through my blog if needed and maybe add what you want to try to your therapy program.

Hang in there.

<font color="purple"> </font> Thankyou, Myself. I read your blog on art therapy and I realized that's why I love quilting so much...I like the colors and the feel of the fabrics. They must make me feel grounded. I think I got triggered just now. I was watching a movie, RV, with Robin Williams. I love Robin Williams and the movie is supposed to be funny, but I had to shut it off. When I was 9 years old, my parents rented an RV and we went from California to Florida with it. It was the vacation from hell. I never think about it. But while I was watching this movie, I became suddenly restless and full of anxiety. I was so upset by the images (they were apparantly funny to others) that I left the room and got on my PC to check in with everyone. Does anyone have weird reactions like this to movies? And, if so, what do you do? Journal? Call therapist? I don't want to remember that trip long ago right now because I don't feel strong enough to handle it.

There is a thread around here somewhere but at the moment I can't remember which message board its on that is about members here that do get triggered by movies so have a look around. In the mean time I sometimes get triggered by movies and I too shut them off. I use my grounding techniques, listening to music and my therapist LL and I do relaxation visualizations during therapy sessions and when we do we record them so that I have then here at home to use too because hearing my therapist voice is one way I use to pull myself out of panic, to help me sleep at night and for pulling myself back to the present when I start to dissociate (float off to la la land.) I used to quilt but my fingers aren't so flexible now and no sewing machine right now. most of my art work is drawing and painting and Diarama's right now and I journal every night and through out the days activities. Im never without a notebook and pen. LOL

Hang in there.

Confused, have you ever had a full neurological workup? The flashing lights thing could have to do with other, physical problems. I'd have a full medical exam and make sure there were no physical problems and I wouldn't do any therapy that made me "uncomfortable" and did not seem intuitive on some level to me. If your gut isn't happy, it's probably not a good therapy for you.

I really like this therapist. it is just that this therapist is pulling alot out of me and i am tryinng to balance that with school. My doctor (psychiatrist) that i saw at one time wanted a neurological tesitng done but my insurance will not cover it. I am just going to keep on going to therapy. I need something though to help me sleep my roomate is up all the time and i can't sleep even when she does. I am working on getting into Rehabilitation Support Services through this county. thanks everyone for your help.

hi
I do journal. I was the one who was going to take the pills and i wrote the suicide note. I did tell my therapist (well the college told my therapist) because apparently an alter went to my college wellness center and talked to the director of the center and he called and told my therapist. I was to embarrassed to call him so i had a teacher call him for me. i know it was my responsiblity but i couldn't do especially since i dont even remeber going there. I have therapy on friday for 1/2 hour because she is on vacation and is coming in to see me. I also get to go home on friday . i am tired of my roomate and of the dorm life. studying is hard enough let along having people around when you are trying to study. but in the same not i dont like to be alone. Make sense? Does anyone else feel like that?