Need some guidance

I hope this is okay to post here. Please don't start debating anything, I really would like some advice.

I'm trying to decide if I need to bring some kind of religion or sprituality or something back into my life. And I'm trying to decide how to raise my daughter.

I grew up in a very conservative Christian family, in an area that is predominantly this one specific religion. While I respect those who believe that way, I feel like the lifestyle of that specific religion just is not the kind of lifestyle I want to live, or teach my child to live. There are specific things I disagree with (and please, let's not discuss that..)

What I'm asking is....is there a religion out there that just teaches people to be good, honest people, without a lot of nit-picking about specific rules? Just teaches people how to pray, and have faith, but not worry about every little thing being a sin?

I would even go so far as to say that if my child grows up and decides she is a lesbian, I would be supportive of her and love her and I would not judge her decision. I also would not judge her if she chose not to save herself for marriage - I would teach her to be responsible and use protection, but I would not condemn her for that choice.

I just really don't know what I believe anymore. I never really felt that "feeling" that people tell you about when you just know something is right. I've never really had my own testimony about anything. I know what I don't believe, but I don't know what I do believe.

I do plan to celebrate holidays like Christmas and Easter - but I will probably do a lot more of the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus stuff than the spiritual side.

I want to teach my daughter to respect other religions, and be tolerant and accepting of everyone - religious or not, Christian or Jewish or Muslim or Buddhist or Flying Spaghetti Monsters or Atheist. One thing I really dislike is the rift between different cultures, and how some churches seem to think that their way is right and everyone else is wrong - that sentiment really rubs me the wrong way. We are all humans, we are all worthy of respect, regardless of the god or gods we do or do not worship.

So....long question short - is there a religion out there for someone like me?

Or should I just try to teach these kind of values on my own, at home? How?

Thanks.

Razzleberry

You sound a lot like me, so I'd have to say.....probably not. I introduced my son to a few denominations, but I've got a big thing against intolerance of any type. Seemed like they all had some form of intolerance toward "others." There are still a lot of good lessons and stories your child can learn in Sunday school, and it's a good social environment for them. If the intolerance at a particular church gets to be too much for you, you can move on to another or take it from there on your own. Your daughter does not have to learn to be intolerant - you can always nip that one in the bud.

I think what people gain most from attending church is the community and social setting it provides. It might be something good for you too. I hope you'll be able to find a place where you'll feel comfortable.

Razzleberry, not ALL Christians are intolerant, but like everything else, there's all kinds in any one group.

I agree with Kathy. Give it a try wherever you feel the most comfortable and if you sense intolerance, nip it in the bud.

Best to you.

razzleberry, I agree w/the other posters. There are all kinds of people in all kinds of churches. I grew up in a conservative Southern Baptist church. I will stay in my religion but will try to find one that is not so strict. so good luck and like the others said, try them all. xxxxxxoooopj56

I posted a verse in the general forum. Please check it out.

I think you could begin visiting churches that carry "community" in their title, or one that says it's non-denominational.

I think if you ask about salvation or such directly, you might find an answer you disagree with....at that point ask if they can tolerate someone who is still searching things out, without pushing? Some might tell you right up front, Oh you best find another church, and some might say, sure, come and visit and study with us, and let God show you your way.



I think the spirit within you is telling you that you are a spiritual being, and need to feed that aspect of yourself.

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_Sky said:
I think you could begin visiting churches that carry "community" in their title, or one that says it's non-denominational.

I think if you ask about salvation or such directly, you might find an answer you disagree with....at that point ask if they can tolerate someone who is still searching things out, without pushing? Some might tell you right up front, Oh you best find another church, and some might say, sure, come and visit and study with us, and let God show you your way.



I think the spirit within you is telling you that you are a spiritual being, and need to feed that aspect of yourself.



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I agree, good starting point! You might also ask your friends or some other people in the area about their church. I hope you find a place of spiritual growth!

hi Razzleberry

it sounds to me like you already have some very good guidelines for yourself and your daughter, and may i say Kudos! to your ideas of what is good and right for you and she both...

i pick up from within your statement some very good moral and social insight and consideration... i am thankful and hopeful to hear that someone within my community, both here, and IRL, has taken time to consider their part and contribution to the whole... it matters...

for me, i was turned away from the more organized forms of spirituality because i did not feel the genuinity of the words that were spoken in some places.. i admit that i did not try them all...

but early on i was led away from what seemed the more popular choices that others were making... when it came to my Spirituality, even in all my depression and confusion, i was able to understand the sacredness of this one aspect of my life, and i was unable to settle for anything that felt like second best to me...

and so, throughout my life, the search continued...

if it were not for the assistance of those who were strongly grounded in their own belief systems, i might never have found my way...

what has resulted is the development of my own unique spiritual system that relies upon the words and teachings of a number of different faiths..

my sacrifice is that of not having a ready community at my fingetips and that may be a factor you choose to consider carefully...

i know that i am not alone in the path i walk, i know there are several like me, i have found them along the way, and together, we have learned an grown, and i fully expect to continue doing so...

truly it is the most magnificent adventure in my life, discovering Spirit.... i wish you success on your journey also...

Thanks for your responses.

One more question - hopefully this doesn't push the guidelines too much.

Should I send my daughter to a Christian-affiliated preschool, if I don't plan to raise her Christian?

We will be moving next fall, and she will be 3 years old, so I was thinking of getting her into an actual preschool instead of just the play-style daycare she's in now. But the problem is, all the good preschools in town are run by churches.

But then...at age 3...how much would she really absorb? It won't be a BAD thing, will it? I'll just have to explain stuff when she comes home and asks me "Mom, who's God?"

i fear that your questions may be coming very close to crossing guidelines Razzleberry, but because i can sense the sincerity in your question, i will make an attempt at some sort of acceptable answer...

for me, when i was young, i was taken to a place of worship by my mother who had all good intent i am sure...

when i left there i had done the thing that places such as that request... i asked for forgiveness and acceptance from one who is represented by the believers of that faith to be 'the only path' to salvation...

it was explained to me that i 'must' do this thing if i ever hoped for any chance of acceptance into a 'good' afterlife...

i did it because it seemed stupid not to... at that age, what did i know?

but my acceptance of 'that' didnt appear to fulfill what seemed to be promised to me at that time and i spent many years wondering why not..

i would just advise my child to find what feels comfortable to them... i would counsel them that life is a growing process, that there is not a number of years of life that when once reached, means they have learned all there is to know, or even all they need to know...

i think, imo, it is best for the child, to teach him or her that growth is something that can occur for a full lifetime... that understanding is something that will always be just out of reach, and thats ok, because to say that knowledge is mine, finally and completely, then closes the door to further learning... i do not believe that is a good frame of mind...

sorry if this offends anyone and i will gladly edit to meet guidelines

I would suggest you check it out like any other place and find out how far they go with religious teaching. Even if they don't match your beliefs completely, you'll be able to keep a check on what she's learning. It's good to talk about these things with our kids anyway. I think it's a great opportunity for your daughter. Hopefully, they won't require or push conversion on you.

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Razzleberry said:

Should I send my daughter to a Christian-affiliated preschool, if I don't plan to raise her Christian?


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Hi Razzleberry.

You are a good parent to be concerned.

Just send her where she is safe and can have fun while she learns.

The rest is not important at this stage...

Feeling safe is...whatever that entails...

Like the floating seeds from the weightless puffs of the dandelion...not all take hold to find a place to grow...the point is to let the seeds fly and see where it all might end...

It is the same with learning..

IMHO.

Lenny

Regarding Christian school, you need to be cautioned that there will be other parents doing the same thing (if the school allows students who are not member's of the church family.) That means that not only will the other children be learning social skills etc as any child that age, but they might come with some language from home that you wouldn't otherwise expect, and other such things.

I have been thinking about you and this... and wonder if you realize how much of your ethics and morals, that you don't wish to push on your own child, are what have made you who you are...and that you learned much of this from your Christian upbringing? I think if you don't give her a close to/similar upbringing that you won't be on the same page to begin with. . . you might consider recognizing your roots, your faith that you do own, and allow your child the same opportunity to get to decide her own spirituality. If you give her nothing, she won't find it.

Hey beautiful. Years ago I learned something from a old preacher in Arkansas when it came to God, religion and spirituality. And that was "Get it for yourself." So often people walk through the doors of a church, school or even a treatment center and look for someone to do the work for them. When the bottomline is that there is so much that we lose when we look for someone else to do it for us. When it comes to faith, it is a walk that you must take. As a Christian I have studies the Word of God in search of answers to questions that people thought I needed to hear. In my personal search I find that God is God no matter who we are.

One of my favorite songs "Who Am I?" says, "Not because who I am, but because of what You've done. Not because of what I've done, But because of who You are." There will never be anything that we can do to be good enough for anyone outside of us. God is not looking for perfect. the Bible says in Psalm 51:17 that a broken spirit and contrite heart are not despised by God.

I do not and will never agree with much of what many professed Christians believe. I don't claim any "religion" but i do profess to be a Christian. And as a Christian, I find that I am told to make allowances for others. I cannot expect you to live by the standards I set for myself. The book of Romans tells us that no one is good, not one and that all of us sin and fall short of the Glory of God. The Scripture is filled with people who fell short, yet they picked up the pieces and followed what God had for them. We must work out our own salvation.

Jesus tells us to have faith in God. That simple... no rituals, chants, no going through the motions. Trusting in what God's Word says He will do. He will never lead you to do something dumb, I know this, cause I have lead myself there. You will always be given a way out, His Word says so. If you miss it, it's ok, stand up and keep walking.

You have come to know my heart, I could not be me without the reality that I have come to as a Christian. Find it for you my friend. know that you are loved and encouraged................