can't do this (trigger)

sorry for this but:



I CAN'T DO THIS.

my "friends" don't care. they don't give a &!@#. made fun of these grafts. laughed. teased.

i'm dirt. i get it. i understand. i can't stay grounded. i can't stay calm. what did i do to deserve this? i know i did. i want to cancel therapy. throw these meds out the window. they're just trying to drug me up because i can't be helped. i don't even know who i AM.

i'm a bad father, a bad boyfriend. i hate me. i do nothing for people, i only bother them, drag them down. i'm whining right now.

why sleep when my nightmares are so twisted. why wake up when reality is a nightmare. i can't trust what i see, what i hear. why am i even trying therapy? i'm a useless speck of dirt.

i need a drink, i need vlad, i need a friend, i need TO NOT DO THIS because it's too hard

((((((((((Griffe))))))))))
Let's all hang in there together
It's hard, but I know you can do it!

Also, I just wanted to add that your friends didn't make fun of your grafts because you are dirt, they did it because they are jerks.

Griffe, we may not know each other very well, but I'm in the same boat. I want you to know that I understand and sympathize for the way you are feeling. You are NOT alone.

Please be assured that you DO matter, and people do care - the people here do. Draw strength from them and try to carry on. That's what I'm trying. If you need to talk, please PM me.

Mary Alice

(((((((((((griffe)))))))))))
take care

(((((((((((((((((Griffe))))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((( griffe )))))))))))))))

Griffe, therapy will help you with everything that you just wrote. I know you must be really scared about therapy. I am sorry..... Frequently, our anticipation of something that we are afraid of is much worse than it actually turns out to be. Many people here were afraid of therapy and then they went and it wasn't as bad as they thought and they actually liked it!

Thanks everyone. Had a bad scare this morning and still shaken up. Therapy starts Monday and things have been really rough but appreciate all the comments, I don't deserve it all.

the only thing you deserve is good things. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((griffe))))))))))))))))))))))))))
they aren't trying to drug you up- look how much better i am with the meds. they will work, just give it time.

((((Griffe)))) you are NOT alone

griffe,
Don't put yourself down, you are not a speck of dirt and people who make fun of you are not very good friends to have. As far as being a bad father and boyfriend you are putting to much press on yourself and you can't believe that you are a good father and boyfriend. You should go back to therapy and get back on meds, they don't give you meds if they think you can't be helped, meds help you mind believe and calm down those evil thoughts that make you feel low and stressed.

Believe in youself and give yourself credit, for you are a good person just going through some rough times right now.

Griffe,
I just wanted to add my support, for whatever it's worth. I feel this way often too.
If you were dirt you wouldn't care about anyone here and I know you do!