[bren]

I HATE BEING DEPRESSED ALL THE TIME! I hate the side effects of all my meds. I take medicine to make me not so screwed up, and they make me sick. Not to mention, the flu is going around and I can't have a flu shot. Not there would be one available, but the flu shot makes me deathly ill. I get to go through flu season with nothing....I am so tired of getting sick every time somebody else sneezes.

My anti-d's also make me sick. If I don't take the loads of meds that I take, than I end up in the hospital. If I do, well as near as I can tell, I get like a build up in my system, that causes me to feel really ill, and sleep like there is no tomorrow. It gets so bad, I don't have enough energy to even pick my head up off the pillow. I hate it!
The one thing that I can honestly be proud of doing, and doing well, is working. Every Job I have ever had, I have been really good at. Even when I would cry on my way to my car after work because of my depressed state, I have been able to hold it together to do my job. This feeling crappy, health wise, is now effecting my job. When I return to work, I expect to be written up for being absent so much. This is something I have never had to deal with, and it is sending me down that all to familular path. Do you all realize that Wal-mart holds it against their associates for being in the hospital for any reason. Sure, if you are in the hospital for any length of time, they count it as one absence, but when you are dealing with multiple hospitalizations, well you figure it out. I am pretty sure that down the road, I will be fired for being in the hospital, and that alone, will put be in the hospital....I CAN'T WIN!!!!!!!!!!!.
I am sorry for this self pitty post, but I am slipping, and I just don't know how to hang on any more.

bren <font color="brown"> </font>

hugsssssssssss bren

[(JD)]

then we'll hang on to you... and won't let you go...

depression is really tough to deal with...

for those of us who have drug allergies, and for the other %70 of ppl too... medications are a real problem! It's a constant battle to keep ourselves squared away with meds.

[Wants2Fly]

(((((((((((((((Bren)))))))))))))))))))))

Please have faith that it can get better.

[Maya]

I agree - I hate being depressed all the time! That is what therapy and medications are supposed to cure - at least that is my hope. I want to feel like what I think a "normal" person feels like - glad to be alive instead of wishing I weren't. Is there someone you can talk to about all of this at your work (not mentioning the depression - just the hospitalizations, perhaps). I cannot imagine a company punishing you for being in the hospital! Please take care of yourself - we are all here for you - we have all been through these feelings, most of us are still there and can understand what you are saying. I have two types of people - those who are "us" and those who aren't. Those who aren't cannot imagine what we are going through - have been through - those who are "us" know and care and understand. Please take care of yourself.

[Kayleigh]

I don't like being sick either...! but for me I get really bad tummy problems... and I'm not even on any meds!! I'm worried that people are going to start thinking that I fake my tummy aches... if only that were the case!! Hopefully you'll get better, though... I hope so...

[MontanaKimberly]

I feel the same way, you are not alone...

[Mahali]

((((((((bren)))))))

Please keep the faith. There are people who care.

place

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((bren))))))))))))))))))

[Myzen]

Hi Bren,

After long years of cycling in and out of depression, winning some and losing some, false dawns and relapses, I have come to believe one thing.

I have been learning how to feel ill. My aim has been to get so good at feeling ill that sometimes I don't even notice it any more.

None of us know how bad it is for another person, but I guess it's pretty bad for all of us on this board. Each of us has to find their own way through somehow, with the help of our fellow travellers.

I hope your way gets easier, Bren.

Cheers, Myzen

[designs]

((((((((((hugs from Texas)))))))

[designs]

take it minute by minute...we are all hanging onto you and will not let go.