sick of it all

My husband is in the Army Reserves, so he has to go to drill one weekend a month and this weekend was his drill weekend.
I don't know know I couldn't handle it, but all day on Thursday I was a wreck. I would start out of the blue because
I knew he was leaving the next day. And he would hold me until I calmed down a little he would ask me what was going
on in my head about it... and I didn't know... and I would just collapse in arms and again.
I just felt so small, vulnerable, and... scared.
He tried to keep reassuring me that he was coming back... that it was just drill and not deployment.
(He served his first tour in Iraq June 2007-May 2008... I barely survived)

I felt like such a loser for getting so emotional over being separated from him for a weekend
(like two whole days... all day/night Friday and Saturday... and part of the day on Sunday) but I couldn't help it.

He called me a little while ago and told me he had to take a "suicide prevention" class and he thought of me because they
went over the warning signs of clinical depression, and he is now convinced that I have it, because he said I fit every single one of the signs.

((((((((((((((( manda86 ))))))))))))))))))))))))
I am sending you many hugs.

Oh sweety! It's so hard. I know it is. And you are so brave--you survived the toughest deployment ever. So why are you so upset about a weekend drill? Because it's a trigger. Because of everything else you are going through. Because you love him. Because an Army Wife is the hardest job in the Army. Reserves or not. It's hard. (I was a Navy wife for years, trust me, I know). You are blessed that he holds you and comforts you (I never got that), so when he comes home open up to him and tell him exactly how you're feeling--and if you don't know, tell him that also. And when he comes home, please give him a hug from me and thank him for serving. Then hug yourself and thank you for being an Army wife.You have every right and reason to feel how you do, don't belittle your feelings, honey.

*hugs* you're not wrong to miss him. You love him. I need my bf too. I love him. That's not wrong

Yeah... unfortunately I ended up doing "bad" things right after he left,
and several more times yesterday and today

I am starting to think that, if I get this emotional before he goes to drill,
and I barely survived deployment... maybe I'm not cut out to be an Army wife.
And that scares the hell out of me, because I can't imagine my life without him,
but Army wives are supposed to be all strong and supportive and stuff... not all
weak and emotional... he needs to be focusing on Army stuff at drills -
not having to worrying about whether his wife is doing "bad" things or being all depressed and stuff.

Ah Manda...you can't control what he worries or thinks about. Part of his training is being able to separate the Army from home. Of course he's going to worry about you, but he's trained to be able to "compartmentalize". Part of your job as an Army wife--and a human--is to take care of you. It's not that you're not cut out to be an Army wife, it's that you're struggling right now and need to know you can get through this, you can get through this depression and "bad" things. You are so worth it, hon. Don't give up on yourself. Next time you feel the urge to do something "bad"--look in the mirror and see how wonderful you are.