i think i've lost myself in all of this.

my new therapist asked me to write a "lifeline" of important events in my life... good and bad. why do I have two pages of the bad feelings and hardly anything for the good feelings. I'm 21, depressed, distracted, and I can't decide if I'm really ready to start conquering it. I don't like the feelings, but its what I've been used to for the past four years. Its more comfortable than sitting staring at this physical list of my life. I feel like crying. I wish I had someone to talk to.

(((((((((csh011))))))))) Sitting and staring at the list may be hard, but it is probably also thought-provoking---which can hurt so bad. But it can be used to refocus your life and start slowly on the path of healing. How? Because you can look at the bad feelings and experiences and think about how you can turn them into good. Hard? Hard! If you feel like crying, go ahead and cry. I'll sit here with you so you aren't crying alone, but crying is ok.

heya, nice to meet you.
You can post here to talk if it helps
I don't like making things into a list, it makes things seem too black and white when they're so often multidimensional. Hugs and the boards are here whenever you want to talk

csh011, feel free to post, pm if you ever feel like or need someone to talk too.

Sounds like you have a lot going on right now. When I made a list
of bad feelings, I addressed the one or ones that bothered me the most,
rather than to sit and think of all of them at once...Just a suggestion.

Welcome to PC...you've found a good place, and good people to give you
support. Try taking it slow and if you need to cry GO FOR it!!!

Its healthier to let it out then hold it In!!!!

Sening peace your way.....

You can talk to your therapist, and you are not alone. When I am in major depression I cry at the drop of a hat. Crying is designed to let painful emotions out. In fact, I have cried four times today, twice uncontrollably. I know it is hard to have a longer bad list than good, but step by step, tear by tear, you can pull yourself out.

(((((( csh011 ))))))

Sounds like you are doing good stuff with your therapist. Although doing homework like that can be painful for sure.

We are here listening and understand.