[kebsfroggy]

How can I make my family understand? Why can’t I make them understand? I hurt. Not a slap a bandage on it kind of hurt but deep down knife in your gut kind of hurt.

Everywhere I turn family is expecting me to be the take charge, get everything done, keep everyone up to date person they remember. But I no longer exist. Even on a good day I no longer exist.

They don’t see there is just a jumbled mass of disorganized nerves, thoughts and actions going nowhere. A good day is getting out of bed. I can’t survive the day without lists for what to do, what to get, where to go.

There are appointments for the pdoc, therapist, regular doc, pain management and physical therapy. Oh and don’t forget the list of meds. Which meds I take with food, which ones on an empty stomach, the ones taken in the morning, those at night.

If I stop going, moving, doing I’m nothing but a mass of sobs and tears. Hell has to be a step up from here.

So many of you have been kind and supportive and I appreciate your friendship. I’m just tired of it all. Why do I even try?

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((((( kebsfroggy ))))))))))))))))

I am sorry that your family doesn't understand the pain that you are in.

[jacq10]

((((((((((Kebs))))))))))
You keep trying because you are a wonderful person who doesn't want to let their family down. Family that (if they're anything like mine) have probably let you down before.
But you know what I've come to realise? Not everyone is going to understand.. and it sucks, it really does because sometimes you just want your family there to hold you and tell you everything is going to be ok. But just because they maybe don't understand, doesn't make *you* a bad or messed up person... it's THEM that can't wrap their heads around how much you take on, and therefore, you can't place the blame on yourself.
I've discovered through my life that you will meet people that give you little bits and parts of what you need. That might be other relatives, or it might be friends or co-workers... and what i've learned to do, is embrace those other relationships that I have, gather what I need from those people, and draw strength from within. The good you see in other people are reflections of yourself... so whenever you have someone happy to see you, or give you a big smile or ask how your day is going... its because they care, and they recognize the beauty that is in your heart, even at times when you may believe there isn't anything pure in there. But there is.
I hope that you're feeling better soon... I'm always hear if you ever need to talk

[silver_moon]

You try because you are a loving, caring, beautiful and kind little frog... you try because there is light at the end and someday you'll make it... you try because you are strong... you try because you can
jacq made some good points about understanding and family.

Take care of yourself (((((((((((((((kebs))))))))))))))
Molly

[Blue93]

you try because, like you told me, giving up is not an option (((((((((((kebs)))))))))))) You are such a wonderfull loving frog take care of you for now instead of everyone else. Take care,

Blue

[silver_moon]

[katheryn]

first i think you should stop trying for your family and try for you, i am a great one to say this as i sit here thinking as i type, these things you do each day the way you do them are you the way you are now ppl change things change we cant be superwomen all our lives, you are a wonderfull caring frog and deserve all the suport we can give you

(((((((((((((((kebs))))))))))))))))))

you try ((kebs))) because you are worth it
because you have children and a family
Because you are you
and I agree with Blue
giving up is not an option ................................
Write on your list (((((((you matter)))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((you are worth it)))))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((you are loved)))))))))))))))
muffy

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((( froggy ))))))))))))))))))))
You're a wonderful frog and you're worth it, I wish I could take your pain away,
love always
furry paws

[pegasus]

Difficult to be everything for everyone when we carry so much pain around inside. I understand my dear friend.

(((((((((( Kebs ))))))))))

[kebsfroggy]

Can't seem to stop the tears. The things I'm expected to do now were second nature before. I feel obligated to get everything done. Right now my family can't support me and they need me to take care of certain things.

Just found out (not exactly sure of time frame) my mother has a malignant growth on one of her kidneys. She has to have more diagnostic procedures done before they can determine what treatments to use.

There will be surgery, probably the first week of December. She is concerned she might not make it through the surgery because of her age and other medical conditions.

She is afraid she won't see me or my oldest son before she dies. Since nothing is known except that she is going to have surgery, it makes it difficult to make all the arrangements. My family lives from one end of the US to the other. (AZ, WA, PA, VA, FL) I have to get all the flights (coming and going), hotel rooms, and rental cars.

As a frog of little brain just taking care of myself is difficult at times. Now with all the "extras" I'm sinking fast.

I have no idea if she will make it through the surgery. That's in God's hands. She is a feisty old lady so may survive with flying colors. But regardless of the out come, this will be the last time we will be altogether.

It's very difficult to read all the fine print when you eyes are filled with tears.

[katheryn]

im so sorry you have these extras to do but with good reason, just write lists and do it slowly ask somebody to help as its a big task

((((((((((((((keb))))))))))))))))))))

[ECHOES]

Maybe your therapist can help you find your way to saying No, I can't do that at this time. Others may have expectations, but it doesn't mean we are obligated to fulfill those obligations. Let them know you care about you.

Can they understand? Maybe, maybe some, maybe not; but thankfully your therapist can give you that place to go for understanding and healing.

[turquoisesea]

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((( froggy ))))))))))))))))))))