[crying]

I'm just sitting here having one of my crying, I'm not worth anything moments. They seem to happen more and more. I wish I could just shut down and let life pass me by. The only thing is I have a husband and two kids that just will not let me. I know I'm a bad wife and mother, the days I'm not working I mostly sleep, eat junk, or watch TV. Real useful huh? I want to have energy, not be in pain, and just stop feeling tired all the time. I keep telling myself tomorrow I'll do better but it always stays the same. I am afraid one day my husband will come home and say I've had enough leave. I take meds but nothing seems to help. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. What does it take to stop the cycle of guilt and self loathing? I always feel so tired but a lot of nights like tonight I can't shut my mind off and it tortures me.

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome to PC crying. You'll find a lot of good supportive people here. I hope posting here helps you feel better and more peaceful, I think it will. Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to heal. I also wondered if you are seeing a therapist. Looking forward to hearing more from you. You're welcome to PM me if you'd like to

[katheryn]

sorry you are struggling at this time, why not try finding nice things to do just to distract your mind, maybe a short walk, do something for you might help, i have had a bad week my own doing not even sure why so today i cleaned the living room with hubbys help feeling better allready as i have acomplished something,

maybe some time with just you and hubby

kathy

I know, depression doesn't let you exist. Do you know the cause? What is the reason you don't like yourself? Or what happened in your life that you feel that way? How was your childhood? How is your life with your husband? Welcome to the club... I wonder... how can we help each other if all of us are feeling the same way? Maybe by not thinking in ourselves and try to help someone, we will be giving the answer for our own problems as well... I think that is the purpose of the forums. By now, I understand you perfectly as all of us, I believe. We don't have a magic wand to turn us happy people from one day to the other. Now... would you like to focus on me, a stranger? What do you think I can do? I have a broken heart, I have a terminal illness though I am not in bed yet. I am 54 and I am married to a saint but we never have lived as husband and wife, happily for 8 perfect years, each one in our bedroom. All of the sudden when I realized that I have been celibate for 16 years! I miss romance in my life so much. My husband forgot he is open minded and denied me to have a relationship on the side. I had one anyway, with the man of my dreams for a year in a half, but... he is bipolar big time! He was wonderful, the greatest man on earth and next, he was cruel and upset for nothing. I'm not seeing him anymore. I miss him so much, my husband is not happy because I don't show any more joy as I used to every day... and I think... If I have 2 or 3 months left, or 2 or 3 years. I wish I could have romance as the last thing in my life. But I can't. I feel ugly, old and definetely, no self esteem at all... I cry, I have panic attacks and I don't enjoy anything anymore... Could you give me some ideas for me to feel better?

[Capp]

crying, I add my welcome also...
Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are a worthwhile human being going through a rough time. It does not decrease your value or make you less of a person.
I also hope you are seeing a therapist, or a p doc. You mentioned taking meds...perhaps you can check in with the doc prescribing them. It's possible they may need adjusted--jmo, of course.

Please let us know how you are doing, crying.
Cap