[celeste123]

i'm invisible in life i do my best to not come into contact with it, i guess it's a defensive thing. But i'm losing my confidence to do anything my heart is pounding now just writing this i feel embarassed to be doing it.
I log into the chat room i want to talk i want to have the nerve to just type to people and talk to them. At least talking over the computer isn't as difficult as talking face to face or so you'd think!!
There is only one person i've properly chatted to and that was a one off and i only did it because i was so down.
Most of the time i say hello and just sit back and read what people are writing. I'm crying my eyes out dying to ask someone if they'll talk to me but i lose my nerve how pathetic have i become.
I was never this shy and i'm losing myself. I shut myself in my flat as much as i can to avoid people. And yet in my heart i'm yearning to talk to people. But everyone always has a habiting of letting me down and i don't think i could handle any more hurt right now.
All i've done in this e-mail is talk about me is it any wonder that people get fed up with me.
I'm so upset right now i can't even begin to write it all down i feel it's a never ending and pathetic list of woe's.
Why do i see the worst in everything and remember the bad times why???
I guess i needed to spout out this sorry if i've wasted anyones time. Somebody hear me.

[silver_queen]

Hi Celeste, im sorry you are feeling this way. when you have been in chat . you have acted fine, no worries there lol, and people will think it is fine if you just lurk in the chat room, i do it myself sometimes. people will always be there if you need the support. next time you are in chat when i am in, i'll talk to you ... at least we have our country and the fact that we both go to university in common. try to keep talking here... people hear you...

[Mahali]

Celeste,
It took a lot of bravery to type a post. It is a big step.
I'm sorry for your pain.
If you would like...you can send me a private message any time. I don't go to chat anymore (for my own reasons) but I will be more than happy to write back and forth.

I will do my best to not let you down.

People here do care so please keep posting. It is a waist of no one's time.

Kim

[(JD)]

celeste, you speak well! This is just the place to make posts like that. Welcome to psychcentral, you've come to a good place in your life.

Much of what you say is the depression talking, telling you lies. I know, because I also have major depression... but when I'm in it's strongest grip, I can't see any of this to be true... only the bad, only the darkness... please rely upon those who tell you truth, and wish to help you here... come back and post often, ok? This is the best support site you will find!

[Wants2Fly]

Welcome to Psych Central, Celeste. The people here are warm, supportive, and nonjudgmental.

It's okay if you lurk awhile. Or not. Whatever feels right to you. People won't judge you.

Sometimes it helps just to listen in a while. It can help to reduce anxiety.

Thank you for sharing your honest feelings with us. That was brave. Keep coming back.

[Myzen]

Hi Celeste,

I'm thinking that depression brings on a certain kind of isolation that is very destructive for us. Being alone is not a bad thing in itself, but that is very different from being in the loneliness of depression.

Your subject, 'Invisible to all' sums up a feeling of emotional loneliness which I know only too well. The depression 'tells' us to keep away from others in case we get hurt, and so we hole up somewhere.

I'll bet that most people on this site know about that feeling.

Celeste, you have made a really good start by posting here with such honesty. If you do nothing else, just stay with us, talk about it some more, and see how much support you will get from people who are listening to you and interested in you.

Good thoughts to you, Myzen.

[wisewoman]

Celeste, you are eloquent and brave and I can't agree with the others more. Keep talking to us. I think we are a pretty great bunch. And, as hard as it is to believe, you are so not alone. We are all alone together.

[Lauren1214]

Hey Celeste,

I know that invisible feeling. It sucks... Your post describes how I often feel better than I could ever describe it. I don't really hang out in chatrooms (too shy), but I'll definitely write... so drop me a line whenever you want. Lauren.